Page 34 of Trusting a Cowgirl

He breathed heavily enough she could feel the warmth of it on her cheek. He was close enough that it would take nothing to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms. But he didn’t. She couldn’t decide if she was disappointed by that or not.

Riley shut his eyes tight, then opened them, and the ache she saw behind those windows to his soul tugged at her own heart. “I can’t explain what is going on with me. I can’t tell if you’re the reason I’m finally opening up about my life and the way I see the world, or if it’s this place. I barely got any sleep this weekend. There were several times when I nearly got on my bike and just drove away. But I’m here.”

Still frozen, Grace just watched him as he continued to work through the feelings he had and the thoughts that plagued him.

“Will you say something?”

As much as she wished she could do something about his feelings, she knew deep down that she couldn’t. Her eyes narrowed and she folded her arms. “What do you want me to do?”

He raked a heavy hand through his hair and a sigh burst from his lips. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I can tell you this much. A relationship between us isn’t going to happen.” Grace looked away, not willing to put herself through the emotions she knew she’d experience if she got even a glimpse of disappointment from him. “There are several rules about stuff like this. Even though I’m not an official doctor, I know better.” Her voice cracked. She pressed her back against the wall so she faced away from him. “You are attracted to me because I’m one of the first people to help you that you’ve connected with. It’s understandable and—”

“No.”

She looked in his direction. “No?”

Riley shook his head. “It’s more than that. I can’t stop thinking about you. I have this obsessive need to take care of you, to make sure you’re safe.”

Grace bit back a derisive laugh. “That doesn’t sound like you have feelings for me. That sounds like you have a hard time letting go of your past life and you’re trying to project those feelings onto someone new.” She cringed as the words escaped her throat. She could have said that so much better if she’d only thought about it for a moment longer.

Riley faced her, placing his hand against the wall over her shoulder. His eyes flashed with intensity. “Howdareyou.”

She remained still. He wasn’t scary. While the vibe around him was passionate, she didn’t feel like he’d harm her. On the contrary, his tone and the way he continued to insist on this conversation had awakened something deeper within her.

“I’m an adult, and I’m more than capable of reading my own emotions. I know when I am sincerely attracted to someone and when it’s just an infatuation. Along those lines, I would definitely know if my feelings for you were based on my attraction to someone who can relate to me.” He leaned closer still so their noses almost touched, and his voice softened. “As much as you’d like to think you can empathize with my situation, you can’t. You willneverunderstand what I had to go through—what my team had to experience on a daily basis. I don’t blame you for that. But I’m smart enough to accept what I can and can’t change about it.”

Grace’s heart beat so loud, she could hear it in her ears and feel it in every finger. No one had ever spoken to her like this. Maybe that was why so many girls preferred to date men who were older than they were. It was nice not to have to be left guessing.

“Now,” he continued, “can we please talk about what’s going to happen next?”

Her throat was dry. Her legs weak. She didn’t know what they were going to do next. Ethically, she couldn’t date someone she was treating. On the other end of things, this wasn’t the same patient-therapist situation that mandated those kinds of strict rules.

The equine therapy that Shane ran was less formal. Most of the people who worked for him didn’t even have degrees in this field. She wasn’t even sure if he had hired her because she had the education or because he knew her sister.

Grace pressed her lips together in a firm line. “What do you want me to say?” Her voice cracked. “I’m not supposed to—”

“Say you feel it too.”

She snapped her mouth shut and looked away. “That doesn’t matter.”

He let out a muttered curse. “Itdoesmatter. Did you know that people who suffer from PTSD benefit so much more if they have a stable relationship with someone or with family?”

Her head snapped back so she could meet his gaze. “Of course, I know that.”

“Tell me you’re not interested and I’ll drop it. Tell me that I’m crazy for being drawn to you and the small moments we’ve spent—”

Friday’s events came back with a vengeance like a slap to the face. “You said I was only here because I was being paid to do so.” She pushed against his chest with her fingers and moved past him, then turned to face him. “I’m not going to be bullied or manipulated. I’m here to help you get better, that’s all. And today, you were late. I didn’t even have to wait for you, but I did. If you have a problem with rescheduling, take it up with Shane.”

She charged from the barn, her whole body humming with electricity. That had been the hardest conversation she’d ever had in her entire life. Never had she expected that she’d have to tell someone who admitted to feelings for her that they couldn’t act on them.

Like always, Grace had been the good girl she knew she was supposed to be and she’d told him no.

So why on earth was she still reeling from the conversation and feeling like she made the wrong choice? Deep down she knew he was special. He was the kind of guy who had layers to him, which made him interesting. She didn’t see the scars. All she saw was a man who needed a little bit of support to be lifted up again.

Grace got a few yards from the barn and then she started sprinting toward the main building. She couldn’t stay here today. She needed to get her head on straight.

Did that mean she was going to tell Shane about any of this?

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