Page 19 of Trusting a Cowgirl

“We didn’t have to. It’s something in her nature. Most horses have that instinct. Some more than others.”

He looked in her direction, then brought his focus back to the horse. “So what now? You want me to talk about myfeelings? You proved me wrong and now you get to make me do something else?”

She snickered. “You make it sound so bad.No,” she drawled, “I’m not going tomakeyou do anything. Our work together will remain what it is. I simply wanted you to see what I see. Because your perception of yourself will differ from what others see. Maybe that’s what the judge noticed. Maybe not.”

He huffed. “That judge was being a—” He cut himself off. Calling the judge a name wasn’t going to do him any good. He was stuck here. And any argument he made, he had a distinct feeling that Grace would disprove anyway.

The breeze around them ruffled his hair and helped cool his heated face. Riley heaved a sigh, breathing in the nature around them—the smell of an oncoming rainstorm, the new growth of vegetation, and a slight floral scent that could only have been Grace herself.

He peeked at her. “I guess I should apologize for how I’ve been acting around you.”

Grace didn’t move. She didn’t look at him or make him feel small for admitting any of this. It was like he’d been making a big deal about nothing.

Riley knew better. This was a big deal. But the fact that she wasn’t making it out to be warmed him. He took another long breath. “I don’t think I’ve been truly happy for a few years.” His voice shook and his chest constricted. He hadn’t even told his therapist back home about these feelings. There was just something about Grace that made him want to connect, even if it was just a little bit.

This time she met his gaze. Her beautiful green eyes didn’t land on him with pity. She wasn’t concerned either. If he had to pin down the emotion that she held behind them, it would be affection. But that was even more ridiculous than him developing an attraction toward her.

His throat tightened and he tore his gaze away, staring at the dirt beneath his feet. He folded his arms and muttered, “But that’s not going to change any time soon.”

“Why do you think that?” she whispered.

“Because things don’t work out for me. I’ve done things… things I’m not proud of. I’m just—let’s just say I don’t think God wants me to be happy.”

“You know what’s funny? I don’t think God wants any of us to behappy.”

He snapped his head around so fast he thought he might have given himself whiplash. His mouth dropped open, but before he could utter a word, she continued.

“God calls us toholiness, not happiness. By proxy, when we honor him with our good choices, we find happiness. That’s what repentance is about, is it not? Changing our behaviors and learning from our mistakes so that we can grow and become better.” Her eyes found his, a crease forming between her brows. “That’s not to say that happiness isn’t important. I’d say God doesn’t want us to suffer either. It all comes back to having gratitude and finding joy however we can.” She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and nibbled on it as if waiting for her words to sink in. “I guess the question here is, doyouthink you deserve to find happiness again?”

Emotion burned hot behind his eyes and in his throat. How was he supposed to tell her that he couldn’t bring himself to forgive the things he had done… or rather, didn’t do?

He broke eye contact and muttered thickly, “I don’t know.”

8

Grace

Grace’s heartached painfully for him. It was in the quiet moments like this when she could almost see through the walls he’d put up.

Almost.

He wasn’t giving her much to go on, but at least she had a starting point now. She could do something about the emotions he had bottled up inside. She just needed him to believe that she could make a difference. Talking about those kinds of things helped, if only to feel like he no longer carried the weight on his shoulders alone.

Her hand gripped the bars on either side of her legs. This was one of those times when she felt like she didn’t have the proper words to help him. If he didn’t think he deserved happiness, she would never be able to change his mind.

She wished she could climb down from her perch and wrap her arms around him, tell him that even though it didn’t feel like it, everything would get better.

Normally those kinds of conversations were easy. In the past all she had to do was point out the good in the person’s life. If they had a family, a spouse, children—all of those were reasons to live for. On top of that, a job or their health was important to point out.

But as far as she could tell, Riley didn’t have much he felt he could be grateful for—a notion that only made her heart sicker.

So instead of doinganything, she sat there like an idiot, wishing she could find the words to help him.

The air around them had turned sour. She yearned for the happiness from yesterday.

Grace climbed down beside him. She was so close she could almost feel the warmth coming off him. She folded her arms and shivered despite not feeling chilled at all. “What do you want to do with the rest of our session?”

She didn’t look up at him, but she could feel his eyes on her all the same. Grace shifted under his stare, refusing to meet his gaze because she knew if she did, she’d be bound to say something else that wouldn’t help.

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