Page 76 of Trusting a Cowgirl

Riley blinked, looking down at Bud’s arm as it continued to prevent him from exiting Dolly’s stall. One more glance down the aisle where Grace had walked, and he backed into his stall again.

“Smart choice,” Bud murmured. He slipped the bridle he held onto a hook and his eyes followed the group who had arrived. “You made your decision.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Riley muttered. He didn’t choose any of this. He’d picked Grace—she was the one he had wanted to start his life with. “She made hers.”

Bud laughed. “If that’s the way you see it, I understand now why you’re in therapy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Riley shot back. “You can’t make someone love you. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. You can’t change the way people look at you when you’ve been through what I’ve dealt with.”

Bud sobered. He gave Riley a stern look, then he removed his hat and placed it on a nearby hook. “Son, I’m only going to say this once, so you better listen and listen good.” He raked a hand through his hair and moved closer. “I served our country too, and for you to suggest that you’re only one of a few men who dealt with conditions that weren’t ideal is shortsighted.”

Riley stilled. Bud had never given him his credentials, but Riley had assumed that he was similar to Grace. He’d probably taken some college classes or did some service at a church that “qualified” him for this position.

Bud pulled at his collar until he retrieved something from beneath his shirt. On a chain dangling from his fingers were two dog tags. “Marine Corps. From what I remember, I was active duty when you joined the army, but I retired about five years later.” He tucked the tags back into his shirt and crossed his arms on the stall door. The lines on his face seemed to deepen in real time as his voice lowered. “It ain’t easy—what we do. Civilians will never fully understand some of the horrors we have to go through, and that’s just a fact. But that doesn’t stop them from trying.”

He gave Riley a meaningful look. “The good ones always do. You’re always going to carry this burden. There’s no way around it, no way to forget. It’s your cross to bear. But does that mean you have to keep it locked away in your heart for an eternity?”

Riley didn’t know how to respond. He was still reeling from the fact that this was the most Bud had ever spoken to him since they’d started.

“The answer’s no, son. You shouldn’t keep it locked up. Because what happens when we let an infection take root? It festers until we have no choice but to cut it out.” He glanced toward Grace. “She’s a good one, and you let her slip from your fingers. That’s on you. A girl like her? She’s got a pure heart.”

The scowl returned to Riley’s face. “She didn’t want me.”

A quiet curse slipped from Bud’s lips and he shook his head. “Lord, I pray I wasn’t this pig-headed.” He tilted his head from one side to the next, then set those stone-like eyes on Riley once more. “How in heaven’s name do you know that? Did she say it?”

“Not in so many words…”

Bud shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. Did Miss Callahan tell you she didn’t want to be with you? Did she tell you that it was too hard to love you?”

“That’s just it. She didn’t say she loved me!” Riley snapped bitterly. “Not once did she say those words to me.”

“Well, did you?”

His mouth opened, then snapped shut. He couldn’t remember if he had actually said those words specifically. He had to have. It wouldn’t make sense for him not to tell her how much she meant to him. Then again, he had always been really bad with expressing himself. Riley gritted his teeth and mumbled, “I’m not sure.”

“Well, that’s beside the point. The point I’m trying to make is that I heard about your little break-up scene. You told her you were done. It wasn’t the other way around.”

Riley’s mouth fell open. The scene at his group session had been terrible, but he didn’t remember all of that information being available to the public.

Bud waved a dismissive hand at him. “People talk, son. Whether it happened at the club or someone let it spill at the local bar, it doesn’t matter. What does is that you made the conscious decision to walk away. There’s only one question you need to ask yourself.”

“And what’s that?” Riley muttered.

“What do you do to win her over again? What was it that held her back? Answer those questions and you might just have a shot at mending this whole thing.” He pulled away from the stall door and crossed the aisle toward the stall where his horse was housed.

Riley stared after him, a mixture of emotions ranging from bitterness, heartache, fury, and shock blending together. How could this complete stranger know so much about this sort of thing?

“I went through it too, son.” Bud turned around, catching him staring.

“What?”

“I lost the love of my life. I wasn’t lucky enough to get her back. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

“I don’t get it,” Riley stammered. “Why are you a therapist if you went through all of that? Why aren’t you as disillusioned as me?”

Bud laughed again. “I found a path that brought me joy. I didn’t like talking about my experiences either. I also didn’t feel the need to befixed. But there are other people out there who need someone to listen. That’s what I give them. Do what makes you happy. That’s all the good Lord wants for any of us.” He nodded toward Dolly. “Now, brush her down so we can get out of here.”

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