“But not enough,” I whisper, more to myself than to her.
“Yes, he does. Cut the guy some slack. I’d bet my last dollar this is the first time he’s ever truly loved someone outside his immediate family. Plus, you were flirting with Tanner. That’s on you.”
“Iwasn’t flirting.Hewas flirting, and I was trying to get away. Every time I took a step back to put some distance between, he stepped forward. What was I supposed to do?”
“Tell him to fuck off.” My eyes widen at Clara’s words. She never curses and hearing her say the F-Word is a little shocking. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. When it comes to the Koch brothers, cursing is appropriate.”
“Hey.” I lift my hands in understanding. “I was just trying to be friendly, but I get it now. No talking to Tanner. At least, not friendly talk.”
“And you need to apologize to Mac,” Clara says right as I take a sip of coffee.
“What?” I spit my coffee out and it goes running down my chin. I grab a paper towel and wipe my face and shirt. “Why am I apologizing? He’s the one that acted like a total ass, refused to listen to me, and then broke it off.”
“None of which would’ve happened if you hadn’t been flirting with Tanner.”
“I. Wasn’t. Flirting!”
She shrugs as if the loudness of my voice has no effect on her. “Let me rephrase. Itlookedlike you were flirting. It’s no wonder he jumped to conclusions.”
Balling my hands into fists at my sides, I try hard not to let my anger boil over. I shouldn’t be surprised her loyalty lies with Mac. We may be friends, but we’ve only known each other a couple of months, but she has it all wrong.
“You say that like you think I did it on purpose. If you think for one second, this is what I want, you’re wrong. I lo—” I stop myself and take a deep breath before I voice my true feelings. I can’t say those words out loud. Not now. Not after how he broke my heart. “The last thing I want to do is hurt Mac. What do I have to be sorry about when it’s his misunderstanding?”
“I’m not trying to upset you. I consider you a friend, and I’m just trying to help. The Mutters are an odd bunch and require a little finesse when it comes to relationships. You and Mac are good together. Great actually. I want to see you work through this and come out together on the other side. Maybe suggesting you apologize isn’t the right thing to say, but you should at least reach out to him. Show him you care.”
“If he doesn’t know I care, then he’s an idiot.”
She pins me with a stare. “This is Mac we’re talking about. Heisan idiot.”
This makes me chuckle. She may think of the Mutters as family, but she’ll still call out their bullshit, same as she’s calling out mine. I have to respect her for that.
“I’ll give it some thought. To be honest, I keep hoping he’ll show up at the garage, but he hasn’t been in all week. If he continues to hide, I may not get a chance to talk to him before I leave for Thanksgiving.”
Her brows furrow, and a deep frown etches her face. “I thought you were staying in town?”
“I was, but now I’m thinking about going home. If Mac doesn’t want me here, I don’t want to intrude. I might head out on Saturday.”
Her shoulders slump and her expression shifts to disappointment. “It’s not just about Mac.Iwant you here. And I know his brothers do, too. His entire family loves you.”
Her insistence makes me feel slightly better. I’ve grown close to Mac’s brothers. Working for them has been great, and they’ve offered me so much advice and help in racing that I’ll never be able to repay them.
I want to be here. I do. But I’m not sure I can handle it now that Mac and I are no longer together.
“If he’s still not talking to me, it’ll be awkward. That won’t be fun for anyone.”
“Then talk to him sooner rather than later. Work this out. Trust me when I say he loves you. He’s just as stubborn as he is possessive. You’re going to have to nudge him along.”
I nod, not really sure what to say to that.
Does he really love me? There have been moments when I thought he might. The longing looks he gives me when he thought no one was looking, not even me. The way he kissed and touched me when we’re together. There was always a hint of possessiveness about it, but it had become so much more. Sometimes I felt like he was worshiping me.
My eyes sting. I quickly squeeze them shut because I do not want to cry. And thinking about Mac in the past tense is too much for my wounded heart.
I don’t want him to be my past. I want him to be my present and my future.
Maybe Clara’s right. Maybe I should reach out to him. Would that be enough to get him to talk to me?
I guess there’s only one way to find out.