Page 46 of Truck You

He did it because he knew it would piss me off. The moment he saw me arrive, he went straight for her.

And worst of all, she let him do it all.

I hear my name again, but I don’t stop. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.

When I reach my truck, I start it up before I even get the door closed. Gravel flies out from under my wheels as I slam on the gas and speed away from town.

I don’t have a destination in mind. I just drive. My head is spinning with images of Sophia’s face as she came. She looked like perfection with the way her eyes rolled back and her mouth hung open. I want to put that look on her face every day.

But I made sure that will never happen again. Because that look vanished when I told her it was a mistake.

What in the hell is wrong with me?

“Fuck!” I slam my hand down on the steering wheel as I whip the truck around the next corner and into the Meadow. I didn’t even realize this is where I was headed until I turned the corner.

I back my truck up to the fire pit and hop out. I doubt anyone has been out here since our last Mud Run a few weeks ago. Dropping the tailgate, I reach for the cooler I stocked with beer before I left the house earlier.

I pop the top of one and guzzle half the bottle down before I hop up on the bed and lay back to stare up at the sky. It’s a clear night and I can see all the stars without obstruction.

The fireflies twinkle in the trees, and if I wasn’t in such a shit mood, I’d enjoy the way they flicker and dance. When I was little, I loved catching fireflies and putting them in a jar. It was one of the things Mom did with me. I’d set the jar by my bed and watch them until my lids grew heavy and sleep took me.

I was such a happy kid. Why can’t I be that happy now?

Shifting to my side, I pull the letter that came in the mail today out of my back pocket. It’s the real reason I’m in such a shit mood and bailed on Sophia after I fucked her.

I stare at the name above the return address. Heidi Winkler. Why won’t she leave me alone? I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with her when she showed up unannounced. Now she’s sending me fucking letters.

I debate on what to do with it. I’m not sure I care what she has to say. Burning it sounds way better than reading an apology or reading about her regrets and mistakes. None of that matters to me.

Sighing, I pull my phone out and turn on the flashlight app. Then I rip open the envelope and pull out the single piece of paper. When I unfold it, I’m surprised by how short the letter is.

Mac,

Since you refuse to let me speak to you in person, I guess I have no choice but to do it in a letter. It pains me that you’re so angry with me. I don’t blame you. I deserve so much worse than anger. I abandoned you, and for that, I don’t expect forgiveness.

But you should know, I got married a year after I left your father. I’m still married to that man today. He and I have three kids. Two girls and a boy. You have more siblings. I should have told you about them a long time ago. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess because I was afraid.

I recently told them about you, and they would love to meet you. If that’s something you’re open to. Millie is twenty and finishing up her last year in nursing school. Greta just turned sixteen and passed her driver’s test. My youngest, Ben, is fourteen. He’s excited to finally be in high school.

Anyway, now you have my address, and I listed their phone numbers at the bottom. If you want to meet them, they’re waiting.

Mom

I crumple the letter,hop off the truck, and scream. I scream and scream and scream until my throat hurts. Then I fall to the ground and beat my fists into the dirt until my knuckles bleed.

I don’t know how long I sit there before headlights illuminate the field. I’m vaguely aware of the truck that pulls up next to mine. I should probably look to see who it is, but I don’t care.

Maybe it’s one or all the Koch brothers, and they’ve come to kick my ass. I could use a good ass-kicking. The pain would be a welcome sensation.

“What the actual fuck, Mac?” I close my eyes in disappointment at the sound of Ash’s voice. “Please tell me you didn’t just do that to Sophia.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumble under my breath.

“Well too fucking bad. If she quits because of you, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“I’ll apologize to her,” I say, but there’s no emotion behind my words. I can’t actually feel anything right now.

“Man, snap out of it.” He grabs my shoulder and forces me to look at him. When he sees my expression, some of his anger dissipates. “What happened?”

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