Page 108 of Truck You

I push through the front door and head straight for my truck. But I don’t make it far before I realize I don’t have my keys.

I can’t go back inside because now Grams is in a heated conversation with my mother. Instead, I head to the garage. But as soon as I cross the yard, I spot Sophia standing outside, watching me with concern etched all over her face.

My first instinct is to run to her and take her in my arms. Holding her close, feeling her arms around my waist and her soft, warm breath against my neck sounds like the best thing in the world right now.

But she’s not mine anymore. I ruined that by acting like a jealous fool. I have to fix what I broke first, but I can’t do that when everything inside is raging like a thunderstorm ready to unload a F5 tornado.

If I try to talk to her now, I’ll only make things worse.

I dart between the garage and the house to make a clean escape, but she calls after me. “Mac, please. Don’t run from me.”

I shake my head and keep walking.

But she doesn’t let that stop her. I feel her hand wrapping around mine before I hear her next to me. I jerk it away and spin around. “Not now. I just … I can’t.”

The hurt that takes over her expression makes me ache inside. “Talk to me. Let me be here for you. Please.”

The way she says please is almost too much for my damaged soul. That one word is filled with so much anguish and desperation. It’s almost enough to crack my hard exterior and unleash a lifetime of abandonment and neglect issues that I keep locked up tight.

She’s close enough that I can see the light freckles that dot her nose and cheeks. I want to trace them with my finger and follow my touch with kisses. I want to hold her close and pretend my life isn’t one fucked up mess after another.

But in true Mac-is-a-complete-fool form, I take a step back and another and another until her freckles fade into the shadows of her face. Then I turn around and leave her standing alone.

* * *

It’s early afternoon,and the sky is clear. The sun beams its warmth down on me, but it’s not enough to push back the chill in the air. Thankfully, I’m wearing a thick sweatshirt with pockets, but my coat would have made this impromptu walk through the woods much more bearable.

This is what I get for having a hair-trigger temper. If I could’ve calmed down just a little, I would have had enough sense to go inside and grab my coat before I took off into the woods on a chilly November afternoon.

Hell, I could’ve even grabbed my keys. Then I’d be in the warmth of my truck instead of outside shivering to death like a fool.

And I am a fool.

Because a smart man would have turned around by now and gone back to the house. But not me. I keep pushing forward like I have something to prove. Or maybe it’s more like self-inflicted punishment for the way I treated Sophia.

It’s probably for the best, anyway. She deserves better than me. I’m not good enough for her. Even my own mother didn’t want me. That has to say something about me.

With my head down, I stuff my hands deeper in my pockets and keep pushing forward. I didn’t head into the woods with a destination in mind, but my feet lead the way, nonetheless.

Soon, I reach the break in the trail that leads to the small cave I took Sophia to not that long ago. She eased my pain and anger that day. Without her, I feel lost and sink further into my self-loathing. As much as I wish she were here to be the same calming balm my soul needs, this is for the best.

The forest is quiet. It’s too cold even for animals to be out and about. There’s nothing to distract me from my innermost thoughts, fears, and flaws. Maybe this time alone will help me figure my shit out.

When I reach the cave, I climb up the rocky side and sit on the ledge, same as I did with her. I lay back on the rock and stare up at the sliver of sunlight breaking its way through the canopy.

I’m immediately assaulted with memories of a little boy walking through the forest with his mother. Memories of when I thought she loved me. We’d walk hand-in-hand for hours through these trails. She’d tell me the names of all the trees and plant species she could identify. Then she’d squeal when I caught bugs and brought them to her like presents.

Then she left. She told me she’d be back, but that was a lie. One of many I later figured out she’d told me. A part of my heart hardened that day, and I’ve never fully allowed myself to trust another woman since.

But I started to trust Sophia. Even worse, she trusted me.

I destroyed it all with one jealous outrage.

I close my eyes and let the isolation of the forest feed my loneliness. After all, this is what I deserve after the way I’ve acted.

Chapter28

If you want it … Fight for it.

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