Page 101 of Truck You

“Not just yet.” Liam steps in my path, stopping me from leaving. “I want to discuss the business first.”

My shoulders instantly lift and my back goes ramrod straight. “What about the business?”

I’ve been waiting for this conversation. My brothers won’t let me ignore my anxiety about being behind the wheel of a racecar forever. They’ve spent two years ignoring it, and it’s hurting our business.

It felt good to win my last race. I needed that win to prove to myself that I’ve still got it. I may still have the skill, but mentally, I’m not in it. If I’m not in it, something has to change.

“I want to ask Sophia to join our team. Maybe even scout for a couple of young hopefuls. And …” He rubs the back of his neck and scans around the room, looking at anything except me.

“Just spit out,” I say.

“What are your plans for racing?” The words rush out of him.

I open my mouth to tell him that my plans are still the same. That all I want to do is race my way into the Sprint Cup, but I stop myself. That’s my stock answer that I always give. It used to be the truth before the accident. But now, I’m not so sure that’s the direction I want to take.

“Man, it’s okay if your goals have shifted.” This comes from Chase. His expression is serious and there isn’t a hint of playfulness in sight. It’s rare to see him like this. “We’ll support you no matter what you decide.”

My eyes meet his. We still haven’t talked about it, but he knows I struggle. He’s with me at every single race and sees my anxiety even when I think I’m doing a great job of masking it.

I let out a deep breath and scrub my hands over my face. I have two choices. Lie and insist I’m fine. That I want to continue racing and my goals haven’t changed. Or I tell them the truth. I no longer want to pursue the Sprint Cup. I’ve hardly let myself think those words, let alone say them out loud. It’s like admitting failure. I don’t want to be a failure.

“I don’t want to do it anymore,” I whisper before I talk myself out of it. My brothers deserve my honesty. This is their business as much as it’s mine.

The sigh that leaves Liam is loud and heavy. I can’t tell if it’s disappointment or relief that I’ve finally said it. He lifts his gaze to mine, and all I see is love and concern. “Can you elaborate on that?”

“I don’t want the Sprint Cup. Hell, I don’t even want the ARCA series.” The silence that fills the room lights a fire to my anxiety and I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but saying the words out loud has my nerves tingling with regret. Their continued silence makes me antsy, and I shift on my feet. “I’m sorry. I just can’t get my head back in the game after the accident. I’ve tried. I really have. I love racing. I need it in my life, but it also has to change. I’ve been thinking of training. Maybe. If we decide to bring on more drivers, I could work with them. Teach them everything I know. We could grow a winning team.”

The smile that lifts Liam’s face surprises me. I braced myself for disappointment and even anger from my brothers, but that’s not what I see from any of them. I see pride and relief. That should make me feel better, but it doesn’t.

“I think you’d make an excellent trainer. Maybe even a team manager if you think you’re up for it.” Liam’s words instantly calm me.

I glance between my brothers. I should be relieved at how calm and accepting they look. And I am, to a degree. Regardless of my inner turmoil, I need to know they’re okay if I shift roles. But I still can’t shake this fear in my gut. “You guys really okay with this?”

Liam steps toward me and squeezes my shoulder. “Mac. We want what’s best foryou. Don’t force yourself to do something you no longer want to do for us. We’re Mutters. We adjust and adapt to change better than anyone. Plans change. Dreams morph into new ones all the time. When that happens, we rally behind each other in support. No matter what.”

I nod, struggling to keep my emotions in check.

No matter what. The Mutter brother saying of support.

When we were kids, anytime we were faced with adversity, we’d rally behind each and pledge our support.No matter what. We’re a unit. We may not always agree, but we’ll never let a brother down.

Meeting Liam’s gaze, I smile. “No matter what.”

“Alright!” Chase pushes to his feet. His typical playful grin is back as he claps his hands. “Let’s head to Posey’s. I need a drink and want to cackle at my brothers while they sing karaoke.”

“I’m not singing.” Liam insists.

“But you have to. It’s, like, a rule.” Ash adds.

I chuckle at the abrupt shift in demeanor. We talked. Maybe not to the full extent I probably should talk to my brothers, but it’s good enough. From here, we’ll formulate a new plan and business model. That’s what Liam does best. He’ll make sure we don’t fail.

Just like that, we’re back to being us.

* * *

Whatever hintof a good mood I’d found before we left the house is gone now. Not that I was in a good mood. But I at least felt better than I did before Sophia left with Clara.

White hot anger consumes me as I watch Tanner Fucking Koch lean in close to Sophia to whisper something in her ear. Then he has the fucking nerve to rub a strand of her hair between his fingers.

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