Page 100 of Truck You

I’m scared she’ll wake up one day and decide I’m not worth it. That I’m too much work. That my growly-bear possessive behavior is too much, and she’ll realize she deserves someone better than me.

I’m scared of the trust I’m putting in her. Trusting anyone outside my family is risky, but especially trusting a woman.

“Fuck,” I say under my breath. I feel so out of control that I can hardly sit still. My knee keeps bouncing, and I’m fidgeting with whatever I can get my hands on.

To make matters worse, my mom showed up here again today. Thank fuck no one else was around to see her. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with my emotions over her sudden appearance in my life. I don’t want to deal with my brothers’ worry over her showing up, too.

She pushed me again to reach out to my half-siblings. I want to—I really do—but again, I’m scared.

I’m so fucking scared of so many things, and I’ve no clue how to handle it. It’s feeding my anxiety and driving me a little crazy.Literally.

I pick up the remote and flip through the channels. I’ve been watching a comedy show on Comedy Central. Well, more like it’s been on, but I haven’t picked up on anything being said. My mind is too distracted.

I pause on ESPN. College football replays are on. I should change the channel cause this is only going to make me feel worse. Ohio State lost again last week to that school up north that shall not be named.

We’ve lost for two years in a row. For almost twenty years, we beat the Wolverines. Every. Single. Time. Now it feels like we’re on a goddamn losing streak to beat all losing streaks.

Losing sucks, especially to our lifelong rivals.

As much as I want to believe we’ll never lose to Michigan, it was bound to happen at some point.

Just another example of how losing is inevitable.

And now I feel even worse.

Because all I can think about is how I’m going to eventually lose Sophia.

One day she’s going to wake up and realize I’m not worth the trouble. She’ll find someone better. Someone without my issues or possessiveness or insane jealous streak.

That day will suck.

“Dude!” Ash says as he plops down on the couch next to me. “Why are you punishing yourself? Turn that shit off.”

He reaches for the remote, and I let him take it. He changes the channel back to the comedy show I had on earlier.

“What’s got your panties in a bunch?” he asks.

I cut him a side glare. “Nothing. Just tired.”

He snorts. “Liar. Is it because Sophia went out with Clara without you? They’re expecting us to come. You know that, right?”

“Of course not.” I scoff, already feeling the frustration inside me amplify. Ash has been the worst at poking the bear. “She can go out with her friends whenever she wants.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re funny?” he chuckles.

“Shut up, asshole.”

“Why are you so pissy?” Chase says as he walks into the room with Liam right behind him.

“I’m not being pissy!” I bark, knowing damn well I’m in a bad mood to beat all bad moods.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Chase grins.

“Well, maybe if you all stopped asking me, I wouldn’t be. Ever think about that?”

My brothers exchange glances before they all look at me and say, “No,” in unison.

I sigh and push to my feet. “Let’s just head to Posey’s already. Maybe then you’ll leave me the fuck alone.”

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