Page 101 of Black Ties and White Lies

“That’s a fucking lie,” I spit. I want to grab her and make her listen to me, but her body only just stopped trembling from whatever the fuck happened with my brother. I don’t want to do anything to startle her, even if my entire body needs to feel her skin against mine. To know she’s still here with me.

She laughs sadly. “God, I can’t even believe you when you say it is because you’ve been lying to me this entire time. You just couldn’t handle him having something you wanted, could you, Beck? Did you everreallywant me or was it that you knew it’d piss him off to see me with you?”

“Of course I fucking wanted you!” I shout angrily. “I wanted you from that moment you walked into that grimy fucking bar! You were wearing that terrible NYU sweatshirt, the one from that picture you had in your room. You were the least dressed up person there, and I couldn’t stop fucking looking at you.”

Her chest heaves. “And then what? Your brother spoke to me first and you couldn’t get over the fact I was his?”

“You were never his,” I hiss. “You were always meant to be mine.”

“I’m not fucking property!” she screams, shouldering past me.

I follow her into the dining room, not letting this conversation end until I’ve come all the way clean.

“No. You’re not property. It doesn’t change the fact you were meant to be mine from the moment you walked into that bar. I sure as hell have been yours from that very moment.”

She spins on her heel, jabbing her finger into my chest. “Then you should’ve done something about it.”

I grab her wrist. “I did.”

She shakes her head. “No, youlied. Youschemed. I still don’t even know what to believe. Carter says you hated him for dating me. That you told me your board was on your back because you wanted to rope me into your elaborate plan to get back at him.”

I laugh, my fingers letting go of her arm. “And you’re going to believe him?”

“So, you’re telling me he was wrong about you giving that reporter the green light on running that article?”

“He wasn’t wrong about that. But he’s wrong about everything else.”

“I should’ve never trusted you,” she snaps, climbing the stairs to her old room. I’m her shadow up the stairs, not letting her out of my sight.

“You’ve got everything wrong. If you’d just fucking let me explain, I can tell you how wrong you are.”

“I don’t care anymore, Beck.” She stomps into her room, half attempting to shut the door in my face. It doesn’t work. I push it right open, ambling after her into her room.

She goes straight for her closet, pulling her suitcase from a dark corner.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

She gives me a dirty look. “I’m packing. I’mleaving. And you’re going to let me. I can’t stay here knowing I was some sick sort of revenge on your brother.”

My hands grab angrily at my hair. “It was never about Carter!” I roar. I’m completely deranged at this point, but I can’t handle the thought of her leaving. I only just got her. There’s no way I can let her go now. I wouldn’t be able to survive it. Not after knowing what it was like to have her.

“Too bad I can’t believe you because everything about us was a lie. God, I fell in love with you, and you were lying the entire time.”

My throat clogs with emotion. “You love me?” I ask hoarsely.

“IthoughtI did,” she answers quietly, walking past me and throwing the suitcase on her bed. “I thought I loved you more than I’ve ever loved someone else. Now I don’t know what I feel. It’s hard to love something when everything’s a lie.”

I desperately reach for her, needing to cling to her to know that we can salvage this. “It wasn’t all a lie,” I plead. “All the best parts of us were the truth. Everything between us was the truth, Margo.” I press my palm to her racing heart. “In your heart, you know everything was real. The way we feel about each other could never be fake. Could never be a lie.” I grab her wrist, holding her palm against my erratic heartbeat to try and prove my point.

She looks up at me sadly. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting her. I won’t get over it. I just need to know that we can come back from this. That she’ll listen to my explanation and understand why I did what I did.

I take a deep breath, my fingers pushing her into her chest even harder as I cling to her for dear life. “I’ll tell you everything,” I promise. “I just need you to let me.”

Her only answer is a nod. I don’t care that she’s silent. It’s enough for me.

Pulling in a shaky breath, I try to gather my thoughts, trying to think of the best way to explain the real reason how Margo and I came to be.

“Carter was right about one thing. Like I just told you, I noticed you before he ever did. No person had ever captured my attention like you had that night.”

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