Page 113 of Ace of All Hearts

“Come on.” I drag her to the door and push her into the hallway. “Just take five minutes.”

As soon as she’s gone, I step closer to Rachel.

“Hey,” I say as I settle beside her on the bed. She doesn’t move or acknowledge me.

I watch her for a long minute. She has three rows of stitches on her cheek. One of them crosses her eyebrow and the corner of her eyelid. She could have lost an eye. The cheek without any stitches on the other side of her face is swollen shut, a dark purple coloring her skin. Her lips are busted, cut, and they’ll probably taste like blood for the coming week.

Sickness grips my stomach when my eyes drop to the dotted bruises around her neck. He almost did it. He almost killed her.

And what would I have done then?

No matter how much I used to think of Rachel as the other girl, the woman Rose loves and whom I share her with, it’s obviously become much more than that. Our little competition for Rose’s attention turned into friendship, and the friendship into love. This pull between us forces us into a platonic love. A love without the physical need for sex turned us sentimental, and deeply emotional toward the other.

And right now, I can feel her pain like I’ve got a direct line to her heart. Somehow, I know exactly what she’s thinking, like I’ve got access to her most secret thoughts.

“I remember the first guy I ever killed,” I tell her quietly, ensuring I don’t startle her. “The guilt wrecked me.”

She looks at me with surprise though she doesn’t say anything. I get it. We have Sam, the skilled assassin who made it his job to kill people. Who never thinks twice before pulling the trigger. Because of that, she forgot I grew up being part of a gang, that I still am, no matter how much I try to not get involved anymore.

Her lack of answer encourages me to keep going, even if that might not be what she means.

“I strangled him.” Playing with the ring in my nostril, I don’t even look at her when I talk again. “He was a guy from the King’s Crew, obviously. He’d broken into our house and was searching for Xi. Probably to beat him up or kill him. He was just shouting his name.”

I don’t know how many people I ended up killing in my life, but I remember that guy so clearly.

“Xi wasn’t even there,” I chuckle, shaking my head. “But my mom and dad were. Dad was ill, bed bound, and couldn’t do anything. I just remember seeing the fear in my mom’s eyes, thinking that if Xi was gone and Dad was ill, she had no one to defend us. She didn’t really see her gay, skinny son as a weapon against attackers.”

Taking a deep breath, I let my head fall back against the headboard. “I told my mom to go lock herself in the room with Dad. And I jumped him. I remember the fury flowing through my veins, and not even taking the time to get a gun or anything. I just jumped him like a feral animal and wrapped my hands around his throat. He’d put my family in danger. There was no way he was getting out of there alive.”

Ultimately, it just fueled the ongoing war between the North Shore Kings and the North Shore Crew. Nothing big, nothing out of the ordinary. Only for me, it changed everything.

“It changes your life to kill someone,” I tell her, not wanting to lie and sugarcoat it. “You’ll never be the same. You’re stronger now, darker. You’re—”

“A murderer,” she whispers with a groggy voice.

I take a moment before replying, letting her know I’ve thought of my answer. “Exactly.”

I grab her hand and interlock my fingers with hers. “We’re humans and we’re animals, Rach. You were with an abuser for two years. Your animal response would kick in every time he was around. Fight, flight, or freeze. They’re all typical reactions. Your last response was to fight to the death. That might make you a murderer, but what’s wrong with that if it also makes you a survivor?”

I feel her fingers tighten around mine, and I bring her hand onto my lap. “Your human response kicks in too, and you’re allowed to feel. You’ve been living on high alert for so long, disregarding your feelings so you could survive. You’ve adapted to him so that you wouldn’t get hurt. You altered your entire being to appease him, to get the rare moments of calm. And now it’s over. Your emotions are taking back their rightful place, putting your own feelings first. It’s all going to come at once, except you can’t blame yourself for what you did to survive.”

Her head falls onto my shoulder. “You’re going to be feeling a lot, Rach,” I finish. “We’re all here to deal with this one step at a time. We’re all with you.”

I feel her shift slowly and awkwardly, probably in too much pain to do it all at once. Eventually, she’s hugging me, both arms wrapped around my waist and her cheek resting on my chest. The one that doesn’t look like she’s been maimed by a bear.

I let go of her hand to wrap my arm around her shoulders and grab it again with my other one.

“I think I’m in love with you,” she murmurs against my chest.

I wonder if she can hear my heart skipping multiple beats. I wonder if she can feel the weight lifting off my chest and making me feel like I can breathe easier than I have in forever.

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “I’m in love with you too.”

“How?” she asks, and I hear the smile in her voice even though I can’t see it. “You’re so annoying and loud. You keep stealing Rose from me, and I don’t even like you.”

I laugh. I adore the sound of her voice when she pretends to dislike me.

“I just dug my way into your heart, baby. No one can resist me.”

---