Page 39 of Ace of All Hearts

“I know…but believe me, Rach. You won’t marry him.” There is no way for me to not make this sound ominous. I’ve made a decision, and she won’t change my mind.

“Rose,” she fights. “Please, don’t.” She attempts to turn away, but I grab her wrist.

“I’m back, Sunshine. This doesn’t have to happen. We can pick up where we left off, we can still leave together.”

“It’s not that easy anymore, Rose!” she snaps.

“What do you want from me then? To be your dirty little secret for your entire life? While you go home and pretend you can stand him? Do you want me to meet you secretly and hide in the closet when he comes home early? I’m a shitty person, I might not deserve better than that. Butyoudeserve better than a life of hurt with a man who rapes you!”

She flinches at my choice of word. She shakes her head, more tears welling up in her eyes. “Don’t use that word.”

“The truth is hard to hear, and I get that. But there’s a difference between not loving him and marrying your abuser.”

“I know that,” she sobs. “The pressure…you don’t understand.”

But I do understand. The loss of rationality when you’re stuck with an abuser. There is no thinking anymore. Only the fear.

That fear that chokes you from the inside. That makes you feel sick all day, every day. A thousand bugs crawling inside of you, burrowing in your stomach, planting their eggs that will turn into larvae of dread. That fear that makes you believe there is nothing outside of this relationship. You get so blindsided, so controlled. He makes you believe you’re a sinking ship without a captain, and he’s the land not far from where you are. That the world is worse than this. There is no way out, no one who would come and protect you.

Somehow, abusers have a hold on you strong enough that life without them would be a terrible fate. A life as plausible as a Shakespearean tragedy with no reality whatsoever, and that yet leaves the strongest belief in your heart that it is your own doom.

You lose sense of yourself so severely that the pain and tears are worth it when followed by moments of calm and kindness.

Your worth depends on their mood, not who you are.

And that’s your truth. Simple as that, no questions asked.

I want to get Rachel away from that.

“You know you found something in me—fuck, you found something in Sam and Lik. Surely this all means something to you. We’ve got your back, Rach.”

She finally manages to get out of my hold. She steps away from me slowly, clumsily, holding herself against the wall.

“You can’t ask this of me. Not here, not today.” Taking a moment to compose herself, she then adds, “I’m going to go back to the party, and you’re going to behave yourself. Understood?”

I clench my jaw, feeling like a scolded child. I’m all-too aware of how harsh I’m being with her, although it won’t matter when Conor’s dead body is at her feet. She thinks there’s no escape now and feels stuck in a world she can’t control. It’s only too normal for a victim of abuse. She doesn’t need to find an escape, I will pave the way for her.

By sticking a bullet between Conor’s eyes.

“Okay. I’ll behave,” I lie.

“Do you think I don’t know you,” she hisses in return. “Control your temper, or I will kick you out of this party myself.”

“Sure thing,” I smile. It’s wicked.

I’m the dangerous witch ready to end the evil men who hurt women. Conor is a good start. I catch the wet spot I left on her dress. “Got something there, bride-to-be. Better clean your dress before going back to your fiancé.”

She blushes, and her eyes go down to her skirt. While she’s busy with that and can’t stop me. I leave the room.

I try not to slam the bathroom door behind me, but moments of me controlling my reckless behavior are rare. Right now isn’t one of them, and I imagine Rachel startling at the loud sound, realizing I might be about to ruin her great party by killing her husband-to-be.

8

ROSE

Till Death Do Us Part- Rosenfeld

Party music is playing in the grand reception room of Stoneview’s town hall. It gets louder as it announces the end of the fancy dinner. My skin is electric, my ears buzzing as I look for Conor. I haven’t felt this kind of adrenaline since living with Viktor. He would let me do whatever I wanted, let me be the true violent being I actually am. No restraint, no rules. Pure freedom. As long as I stayed within his territory.

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