Page 196 of Ace of All Hearts

I stab and stab and stab. His stomach, his chest, his neck, his face. Everything I can reach, I put all my might into it.

It’s just a fountain pen.

Held by a desperate woman.

He dies at some point. He must because he’s not defending himself anymore. His hands fall off my throat and his bloody gargles have stopped coming out of his mouth.

When I’m finally sure that he won’t wake up, that his open eyes are empty and that he can’t hurt me anymore, my body falls on his. He’s warm and smells of his usual cologne.

Like when I was a little girl and he’d come to hug me every morning and every night.

His warm hugs and his inappropriate kisses.

That strong cologne that smells like pain and nightmares from all the times he laid me on that very desk and hit me with his ruler, pinched me, forced me to be sick.

I stay on him until that warmth disappears.

And I smile.

Because Mateo Bianco, the ruler of my hell, is finally gone for good.

I did that. I got rid of him. I fucking did it by myself because I don’t need anyone to save me. I can let the people I love think they saved me from Volkov. I can let them feel they’re fixing me with their love. And I can submit to them when I choose to.

But I saved myself tonight.

I want to laugh.

I am Rose White, and I am indestructible.

Unconquerable.

Fucking. Immortal.

I cough up some blood and panic. If I don’t get rid of the tape right now, I’m going to choke on my own blood.

I drag myself off Bianco’s body and grab the scissors again. Instead of pointing them at my face blindly, I undo my legs and get up. I have to drag the chair with me to the bathroom. I realize the house is dusty, furniture covered with sheets. The windows have been sealed with large metal plates. The house was seized with the rest of Bianco’s stuff.

There’s no electricity, no light, so it’s hard to find my way through the tape with the scissors but I manage. I pull it away as much as I can, not caring if it’s completely off as long as I can breathe. My reflection in the mirror is a bloody mess but I’ve never felt so alive in my life. I can see it in the midnight blue that reflects the entire universe back at me.

I smile at myself, spread some of the blood against my cheek, and relish in the fact that Bianco would have hated my ugliness right now.

I take a deep breath.

What now?

No one talks about the loneliness of saving yourself. Because now that Bianco is dead, that no one came to save me, I have to bring myself back home.

Strength and independence don’t stop at saving yourself. You have to push yourself to keep living too.

I give up on finding the keys to the cuffs after five minutes. My head is pounding and I won’t die here just because I couldn’t undo handcuffs. I find Bianco’s car keys on him and drag the chair with me outside. I keep having to stop and take deep breaths to try and calm my dizziness.

It’s a fight against the car to get the chair in there. I have to slide myself from the passenger side and then above the middle console then stretch above the chair to close the door. This is the most ridiculous situation I’ve ever been in.

The gates to his estate are already open. He must have had to do it manually since there’s no electricity. Before I drive away, I grab two tissues from a pack he’s got in the car and stuff them up my nose. He better not have broken it.

I know the drive back to Stoneview by heart. I will never forget the time the Murrays drove us from D.C. to their rich little town. It’s meant to take forty-five minutes on a good day. Today is not a good day and I’m surprised I don’t get arrested from all the swaying and slow driving I’m doing. The lanes are blurred and the other cars are barely black dots. I feel sick and I’m pretty sure I’d be passing out if it wasn’t for the need to focus and get home safe.

When I pull up in front of the cabin, I start to feel the toll of the hits on my body. I don’t know where I find the strength to drag the chair out of the car and up the few steps to the porch. I try the door but it’s locked. Of course, Sam always keeps it locked to protect us.

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