“Then go to her place, or go to the hospital. Since when don’t you fight for what you want?”
I shook my head and watched the barman as he poured tequila shots for us. He pushed salt and a plate of lemon wedges in our direction, but Ted and I threw back the shots without doing the routine. Salt and lemon was for pussies.
I relished in the burn as I swallowed down the tequila, warmth rushing through my veins. My head felt lighter, and the bar spun slowly around me. I was getting drunk.
Thank fuck. I didn’t want to be sober.
Ted and I were sitting in a bar we’d never been to before. I hadn’t even read the name when I walked in. I didn’t want to be at the Cavaliers HQ. I didn’t want to face the men who knew about Rebecca. I didn’t want to face the rest of them, who Brad must have been talking to about this. I wasn’t in the mood for anyone. I just wanted to drink myself into a stupor and forget.
So far, only half of my plan had worked. I was getting drunk, but it was harder to get around to the forgetting part.
I grabbed my whiskey and threw it back. I took the bottle the bartender had brought us after I’d asked for my fourth refill and filled the glass to the top.
Ted raised his eyebrows. “Full glass, huh?”
“Fuck throwing in only two or three fingers. I need more than that, and it just means I’ll have to pour twice as much.”
Ted shrugged. “There’s always been a method to your madness.”
I rolled my eyes and set the bottle down before I sipped.
“I’m not going to show up at her home or her place of work like a creep,” I said. “I’ll respect her if she wants nothing to do with me, no matter how much it fucking hurts. Being childish about this isn’t going to fix anything.”
“Noble of you,” Ted said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Hey, don’t pick a fight with me because you’re in a shit mood,” Ted snapped. “I’m saying it’s noble of you. You don’t have to be touchy with me. I’m still here, asshole.”
He was right.
“Sorry.”
Ted was the one guy I’d been able to lean on through all of this, and since I’d met him and we’d become fast friends twenty years ago, he’d been there for me. Even when he didn’t agree with me, even when he didn’t have to care about my life if he didn’t want to. He had no worries at all, and taking mine on was nice of him, it wasn’t obligatory.
“It’s fine, man,” Ted said. “I know you’re hurting. I know you lost her, and that’s fucking horrible. I get you.”
I nodded and looked into the amber liquid in my glass as if it could give me the answers to all my problems, like a liquid crystal ball that would fix my life.
When no answers came, I drank the whiskey.
“Do you want to know what pisses me off more than the fact that she’s not talking to me?” I asked.
“Tell me.”
“Everyone being so entitled, making it sound like they have any kind of say in the choices I make. Brad is my son. He’ll inherit the company one day, but that’s the only right he has. Everything else I do for him, and everything else I share with him, is because I care. I care about him, so I help him and do shit for him. It’s like that with Catherine, too. She’s not a part of my life, and I stopped being obligated to do anything for her after she remarried and Brad turned twenty-one, but I care about her, so I do shit for her because it’s who I am. I do shit for everyone. After all that, when I finally do something for myself, I have everyone shitting on me for it. I deserve to be happy!”
“You do deserve to be happy,” Ted agreed. “I haven’t seen you as happy as you were with Rebecca in all the years we’ve been friends, and that’s saying something. That’s why I think you should make a point of going to see her. Go to her workplace or her apartment and talk to her about what’s going on. It’s not being a stalker. You just want to know where you stand, as is your right.”
I sighed heavily. Was Ted right? Maybe. I deserved to know what was going on between me and Rebecca, if nothing else.
It just didn’t feel so simple. It felt like I would be pushing too hard when she’d already stated her point.
Not only was Brad pissed at me and not talking to me, but neither was Rebecca. I’d lost Brad for her, and I’d lost her.
I’d lost everyone that was important to me.
I poured myself more whiskey and drank it. I kept drinking until the bottle was empty, and it felt like my veins only had alcohol in them—it had replaced the blood completely. Ted kept up with me, but he drank beers rather than whiskey, and by the time the world tilted on its axis and he had to peel me off the floor, he was still in his right mind and able to get me in a cab to go home.