Page 132 of Say My Name

Ashley follows me and gives me a thumb up before I close the door.

With my hands shaking, I go through the steps of opening each test and peeing on the stick. Once I’m done, I set all three sticks on the counter and drag Ashley inside the bathroom with me.

“Now we wait,” I say, closing the toilet lid to sit on the top of it.

“Do you feel sick? Like morning sickness?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m just late.”

Ashley moves to the sink, peering at each test. “What does two lines mean?” She holds up one test. “This one already has two lines.”

I stand and look at the test in her hands. Two lines.

Pregnant.

“This one already has a plus sign,” she says, grabbing another test off the counter. “Plus is pregnant, right?” She snatches the instructions for the test she’s holding in her hand to look at what the results mean.

My world spins extraordinarily fast, and I sit back down on the toilet to control the whiplash it’s giving me. “I, uh…” I’m completely speechless. Numb.

Ashley’s got tears in her eyes. “This test is positive too, Chloe,” she says in almost a high-pitched squeal.

I can’t believe this.

Pregnant.

I repeat the word over and over in my head, forcing myself to face the reality of the situation.

“What do I do?” I ask, completely shell-shocked. “I can’t be pregnant.” My job. What will the captain think? Katherine? My first undercover assignment and I end up pregnant.

This can’t be happening.

Ashley kneels in front of me, pushing my hair out of my face. “I’ll be here for whatever you decide.”

Decide? I can’t even think about all the decisions that being pregnant means. Will I keep it?

I don’t even know.

I will not have an abortion, but could I give a baby up for adoption? Questions and random thoughts overload my mind.

“Devereaux,” I whisper. “What will he think?”

Ashley shakes her head. “Don’t worry about him right now. You need to do what’s best for Chloe.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

Ashley stands, moving to the counter to stare at the tests again. “Well, there’s a baby coming whether or not you want it to,” she says.

I’m still in a state of disbelief. The fact a baby is involved hasn’t really hit me yet. It’s all so surreal. “I need to tell Devereaux.”

“Do you love him?” Ashley asks.

I stand and toss the tests in the trash so I won’t be reminded of what’s transpired here. “Yes, I do.” It’s not even a question anymore.

“Does he love you?”

Does he?

“I don’t know. But I can’t focus on any of this right now. I have a case to solve.” I head toward the kitchen. “I can’t be bothered with all of this.”

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