Page 44 of No Limits

“Shay.” Disbelief coats my name.

“I can't be around you right now, Lochlyn. Please. Go home, go to work tomorrow. I’ll be back when I can be. But that’s not tonight.” I don't know how my words come out so put together when everything inside me is a jumbled broken mess.

“If that’s really what you want.” He almost says it like it’s a question, like he’s hoping I’ll change my mind.

“It is.”It’s not. But I need space to think, to figure things out. I want Lochlyn, a life with him, more than anything. What we have now is no life. If I’m going to be alone, I'd rather justbealone. It took me a lot, maybe too much to get to this point, but I’m here.

He sighs heavily and gives me a long kiss on my forehead before detangling from me. I feel him pause at the doorway but don't roll over. When the door clicks, I let out a heavy breath.

How did we get here? How are we in this place? We fought so hard to be together, for months, lying and sneaking around. How did all of that turn into this? Where along the road did he lose the will to fight for me?

I hear the front door shut and know he’s gone. The pull toward him is still there, but not as strong as it used to be.

Think. I just need to think. I need to sleep, rest, and get my emotions in check and go over things logically. I can do this.

Sometime later, after I've fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion, the bed dips behind me and Chelsea’s delicate arm loops over my waist as she snuggles into my back.

***

I wake up alone in bed. It must be morning, but it’s so dark and dreary out I can't be sure. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I find it’s almost noon. Wow, crying really tires me out.

Lochlyn’s probably getting ready for lunch right now, if he’s taking one. I wonder if I’ll get what used to be a daily lunch call. I can't decide if I want one or not. It hasn’t happened in months, except when he tries to be more present. In those times, he’s sure to at least give me five minutes of time.

Getting out of bed, I stretch, my muscles yelling at me from being coiled up and so tense over the last sixteen hours. I tiptoe into the bathroom, not ready for anybody to know I’m awake.

Rinsing my face in cool water soothes the soreness in my eyes and runs the salt stains right down the drain.

Shuffling into the kitchen, Chelsea is leaning silently against the island. She slides a fresh cup of coffee toward me as I flop onto one of the barstools.

As I wrap my hands around the mug, my eyes fall to the light gray granite.

“What are you thinking for today?” Her voice is calm and gentle. She should probably be at work, but maybe she has today off.

“I don't know.” I’m too exhausted to think. Too exhausted to know what I even want.

“Well, you know you’re welcome here whenever, Shay. You can stay as long as you need.”

All I can do is nod.

“Want some breakfast?”

“Not really.”

Being in grad school makes it easy to take the day off. It’s Friday. I only have one class.Ugh, it’s Friday. It means tomorrow, Lochlyn issupposedto be home all day with me. Fat chance. Maybe I can just stay here until Sunday.

But I don't want to do that, and I don't want to be in Chelsea and Weston’s hair that long. Their hospitality is nice, but I refuse to be a burden or overstay my welcome. I don’t need that guilt on top of everything else.

“I’ll probably go home in a little while. I have a paper to finish.” As though I could even think enough to complete it. Thankfully, I have two weeks until it’s actually due. I just like to be ahead of the game.

“Whatever you want. You know we’re here for you.”

“I know. I appreciate that. But I don't want to put you and Wes in the middle of this. It was nice of you to talk to Lochlyn last night, but I don't need to drive another wedge between you two. Or him and Wes.” I wouldn’t be able to handle the anguish of that, knowing I was the ruin of best friends and siblings, all of whom have had their big issues and overcome them.

“Shay. He and Wes will be fine. Lochlyn’s not going to hold it against him. And he and I always work things out. He’s stuck with me. And so are you.”

A slight smile graces my face at her words. I haven't torn my eyes from my coffee. I also haven't taken a sip. It’s like my body can't figure out how to work.

Within an hour, I’m back in my car, at least needing to shower and get into clean clothes.

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