Page 32 of No Limits

But even while we decorated in almost complete silence, save for the Christmas music in the background, there was no joy, no love. It was as though we were performing a menial task together instead of snuggling and hanging things like we used to. This year, Lochlyn used his step ladder to add the star instead of lifting me on his shoulders like he’s done in years past.

Everything is wrong. All of it.

The house looks like a classic Christmas movie. The tree is perfectly decorated with bright lights and the perfect number of ornaments that it looks full but not overloaded. There are even presents underneath it already. Some I put there for Chelsea and Wes—who will come over to celebrate with us—some for Lochlyn, and what I’m assuming as some for me.

It’s everything I’d want for Christmas, except for the state of my relationship, the place Lochlyn and I find ourselves in.

Stop it, Shay. You’re dwelling too much. Yes, it sucks, it’s difficult, it’s painful. But you make it worse for yourself by harping on it.A little pep talk never hurt anybody. I sure could benefit from it. Especially because it’s true.

Maybe I’m making things out to be worse than they are. Maybe we’re not that far off and he’s trying not to make things worse or more uncomfortable by being around all the time with the tension. The tension that it’s possibleI’mcausing by overreacting.

Closing my laptop, I consider calling Chelsea. Maybe she’ll have some better insight. But I think better of it.

Instead, I call a friend who knows me a little less.

“Hey, Shay, what’s up?”

“Marissa, can I ask you something?” My nails are already at my mouth.

“Of course!”

“The last time you were around, did things seem weird between me and Lochlyn?”

Silence fills the line, and that’s when I know she’s finding the right way to answer. We all stayed friends after graduation and while we don’t see her as often, she’s still a close friend. But her quietness says it all.

“Um. I mean, things seemed a little off. You two weren’t as lovey dovey as usual. He seemed distracted and maybe a little irritated? But I kind of just assumed you were having an off day. It happens sometimes.” There’s truth to her words, but her voice isn’t convincing.

“Yeah. It happens sometimes.” I echo her with an empty tone.

“Why do you ask? Is something going on?”

“What if I told you that it was more than once in a while? Thatthatwas a good day?”

The sound of her exhaling a breath travels down the line into my ear. “I guess that’s a different story. A little more serious. But you guys are soulmates. You’re meant to be together and it’s clear. You’re just going through a rough patch.”

I didn’t even give her details, didn’t tell her how bad it’s been or that there have been fights. I left it at the level of his mood, his demeanor the last time we had brunch. It’s clear that it’s all unnecessary to share any more details for her to figure it out.

“I just don’t know how long I can continue in a rough patch before it becomes too much. He practically ignores me, and the scary part is that it’s not intentional. He’s not choosing to ignore me; he’s choosing to prioritize basically everything else.”

“Maybe it’s the wedding stress. We all handle it differently. Last I saw you, you were guzzling the coffee even more than normal. Chelsea said you’re in your head more. Maybe this is how he’s dealing with it.”

Hm. I hadn’t thought of that. Wedding stress is possible for anybody and everybody, I suppose. Even not having much of a hand in the planning, the actual getting married part can be high anxiety and tension. We love each other; that’s simple. But doing the whole big shindig, there’s a lot of moving pieces that go along with it.

“I hadn’t considered that.”

“I’m not saying it’s the answer, Shay, but it’s something to think about. Maybe talk to him about it.” Her tone is gentle but urgent. She’s one of the last people who want to see Lochlyn and me break up. And not just because she’s my friend, but because she feels like we’re goals. She said if we were to ever break up, she’d give up on love altogether.

“I’ll have to do that. It’s probably that. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks, Marissa.”

“Of course. Listen, I’d love to gab, but I was about to run out to do some last-minute shopping. You good?”

“I will be. Thanks again.” And I will be. One way or another.

“Anytime. Love you.”

“You too.” I’m not that close to her to throw love out. For me, it’s always been a very special word I only use with select people. Lochlyn, Chelsea, Mom, and Dad. I haven’t told Logan I love her since I was a kid. Even Wes, who’s basically my brother, doesn’t receive it.

The wedding could be stressing him out. No part of me ever considered that possibility. Not even for a second. He’s mostly paying for it, so why wouldn’t that be stressful? Even though he always says not to worry about money, this is a large chunk of change at one time for one night.

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