Page 17 of No Limits

“I’ll give her a call. I just need to decide when.” This is the one thing I knew Lochlyn wouldn’t be part of. He made it exceptionally clear he doesn’t want to see the wedding dress until the day of the wedding, and I can’t blame him because I wholeheartedly agree. We have to have a little surprise left.

“All right, we’ll put that as pending. Once you get me a date, I’ll make some appointments.”

“I can do that part.” I reach for the piece of paper before she pulls it from my reach.

“Nope. I’m the maid of honor. I get to do it.”

“But you’re not letting me do it for you either.” Any time I offer to make an appointment or do anything helpful, she refuses.

“I know, but I’m having fun with it. It sometimes feels like you’re looking at it all as a chore.” It’s annoying how well she knows me.

“It’s not a chore; it’s just not as fun and exciting as you find it. I’m just happy to marry Lochlyn. I’d go to town hall tomorrow and do it. I don’t need the big, fancy thing.”

“I know, and that’s why I’m here and happy to help you.” With a flip of her notebook, she turns to me with a smile. “Okay, so we have a game plan for a few things. The food tasting and all that you have to set with the venue, but that’s a Lochlyn thing. Otherwise, we’ll handle invitations next. Your ’save the dates’ were super cute. Oh, and you’ll have to think about what sort of dress you want me to wear and if you want bridesmaids.”

Bridesmaids. That would require having friends. Chelsea is still my nearest and dearest. Marissa and I have remained friendly. Are we close enough for me to have her as part of my wedding? Forever etched into that day and part of our photos? I’ll have to think about that one.

“Why don’t we just take a peek at the bridal shop for anything that stands out when we look at your dress. Yeah?” She must see the panic on my face—how much this process is overwhelming me.

“Sounds good.” I push up from the counter and walk around the island to the coffee station we have set up. A fresh cup, or three, will help clear my mind and settle my nerves.

Thankfully, Chelsea gets the message loud and clear and has everything put away by the time I’ve hit start on the machine.

“Talk to me about anything that isn’t wedding planning, please.” It’s the first word either of us has spoken in a few minutes and I’ve waited until the pot finished and I poured us each a cup.

Doing the wedding planning with me has upped Chelsea’s coffee intake tremendously. Lochlyn’s too. It’s not just that I brew a fresh pot, I force it on them as well. I don’t ask if they want some, I just slide a cup over. It’s easy when I know how they take their coffee.

She eyes it somewhat disdainfully but takes a sip anyway. “Oh, let’s see. I don’t know. Marissa called last week. She wants to grab a drink or something. She said she’s not picky though, since you still don’t drink?”

“How about brunch? I’ll drink a mimosa.”

“I can suggest it. Or you could call her?”

“Why don’t you do it.” Talking on the phone is probably one of my least favorite things. While Marissa makes it easy and does most of the talking, I prefer to text or just meet in person.

She rolls her eyes as she takes another sip. “All right. Does just whatever time work for you?”

“I mean, I guess. You know how hard it’s been to see Lochlyn lately. So I’ll make plans and if he’s home instead of working, he’ll have to deal. I spend enough time waiting for him, so he can spend one morning without me.” The words come out a bit harsher than I intend them to, but they feel good.

“Wow, Shay. I never expected I’d hear that from you.”

“Yeah, me either.” My gaze is so intent on the dark gray granite my forearms are resting on that it’s almost like I’m trying to bore a hole through it. There’s a tightness to my voice and in my throat.

I nearly jump out of my skin when Chelsea’s arm wraps around my shoulders. “You know he loves you, Shay. Just be patient.”

It’s a very different tune than the one she often sings, but I’m usually defending him, not being angry and bitter. The turn of the tables is a little unsettling.

But she saw us a few weeks ago at Thanksgiving. She felt the tension.

She’s right, though. I need to be patient. And I know that Lochlyn loves me, beyond measure. “I haven’t forgotten, Chels. He just doesn’t show me anymore. Does it not matter? Does he feel like he’s already won me over, he proposed, I said yes, we’re planning the wedding, so all trying and shows of adoration have gone out the window?” That’s exactly how it feels.

There’s a sharp pain in my chest as I express the words. My fingers find it and work it like they can rub it away. But that’s impossible, because the ache is deep and somewhere they can’t reach. Somewhere nobody and nothing can reach right now, except the person responsible for inflicting it. And he doesn’t seem interested in fixing it, as he doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong.

“He doesn’t feel that way, Shay. Trust me, if I know only two things in life, it’s you and Lochlyn’s love for each other, and mine and Wes’s. And yours is stronger. I know it, I’ve seen it. I even tried to stop it and failed.”

I turn to her with a sharp gaze, and she holds her hands up in peace.“Which I’m happy about. Let me finish before you react, sheesh. What I’m trying to say is that you two are meant to be together. Everybody knows it.”

“What if that’s not enough?” It’s been my biggest fear in all of this. What if what we have, the love, that destined to be together feeling, just isn’t enough to get us through.

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