Page 56 of Setting Limits

“Shay, can I ask you something?”

She peers up from the book that’s been in her hands since we sat down an hour ago. After we stopped talking, she got back to it. She looks back down at it, then back up again, closing the book and putting it to the side. “Of course. What’s up?”

“How did you decide to just go all in with Lochlyn? To let go of everything else and do something for you?”

Her shoulders slump, and her mouth pulls into a hard line. “Chelsea, I thought we were beyond this? Look, I know you were upset I lied to you for years, but I thought—”

“No, no, Shay, I’m good. I promise.” It has nothing to do with that, it’s beyond that.

“Oh. So, you’re asking about you and Wes. Chelsea, we know now and we’re happy for you. If things are going well and you’re in a good place, what’s the holdup?”

“At first, it was about not feeling like a hypocrite. I didn’t see how I could be in with Wes when I was so against you and Lochlyn. But now, how do I go all in with somebody who may leave? I have no idea what his plans for the future hold, and I don’t want him to stay here just for me, because that feels like a recipe for resentment. But how do I give it my all when I so badly want to?”

“First, you have to forgive yourself. Lochlyn and I are great. We’re in an amazing place. Despite the break. Because really, it’s like no time lapsed, and in the long run, those few weeks won’t even matter. Second, you have to communicate. Wes is really an open person if you just talk to him.”

We’re quiet for a minute, and though I barely meet her eyes, I know that Shay is observing me in her quiet way.

“Where is this suddenly coming from? You guys have been together for a while now. Even though wedidn’tknow at first.” One pointed look says plenty.

“It just…lately, it feels like Wes wantsmore.”

“More how? You guysaredating…right?”

“Yeah, we are, exclusively. But it just seems like he wants it to be more than dating and great sex. I think the ‘L-word’ is coming, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t know that I’m as invested. Maybe because I won’t let myself be.”

“Or maybe you just don’t see it. Chelsea, I can tell you’re that invested. I can tell just by the way you talk about him that you love him. Maybe you won’t let yourselfseeit or feel it, but it’s there. And there’s no reason you shouldn’t. This whole ‘feeling guilty about Shay and Lochlyn’ thing has gone on long enough. And honestly, I think it’s a crutch that you’re hiding behind because you’re scared.”

“Of what?”

“Do I really need to voice it?”

She doesn’t. It surprises me a little that she sees me that clearly. I never knew she understood how much my parents leaving affected me. But then again, how could she not when she basically went through the same thing. My parents are physically gone, but they made a choice, and that hurts more than anything.

“No.” My gaze focuses on my lap where my hands are twisting. “I guess then my question is, how do I move beyond that? How do I allow myself to risk being hurt?”

“You jump, Chelsea. It’s scary. But if you think Wes is worth it, if you know you feel as strongly as you do, you trust in it and you jump. And then you hope and pray you made the right choice. And for what it’s worth, I think it is.”

Jump. Easier said than done. How do you trust and jump when the people you were supposed to trust to always catch you disappeared?

The safety net I was always supposed to have is currently vacationing in Bora Bora. They’ve been there for three weeks already.

It’s that moment that the boys come back in, laughing and being their noisy selves.

“Oh. Uh, did we interrupt something?” Wes picks up on the mood in the room.

“No, we’re good. Right, Chels?”

“Yeah. We are now.” It’s going to take me a while to feel that all is right, but it finally feels like it’s on its way.

Chapter 29

EverythingShaysaidatChristmas is still filtering through my mind. “Hey, Wes, can we talk?”

He turns to me from his spot on the couch, looking up from his laptop. It’s our weekend in the apartment. “Uh oh. What’d I do?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay, so what didyoudo?” A smirk pulls at the corner of lips.

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