Page 83 of Setting Limits

She folds me into her embrace, and I fall against her. “I know, Chels. And I know it hurts…so much. But I also know that Wes loves you, Chelsea.”

I let Shay hold me while I sob. Breaking down in front of my brother and best friend is not exactly my favorite thing to do, and I used to keep it to myself and not let them see that side of me, but it’s certainly been far more frequent in the past three weeks since Wes left.

There’s a slight rub of Shay’s chin against my head, and I know she’s shaking off Lochlyn. Their silent communication is something I was always jealous of, but I had it with Wes.

All those words he said to me, all the things he declared about us and how right it was. Did they all mean nothing? Were they meaningless words he was using to get in my pants? DidImean nothing?

Maybe it’s my history, maybe it’s a closed mind, but I don’t understand how you can tell somebody you love them, that you want a future with them, and then not be near them. How can he be on the other side of the country and expect this to work?

The last conversation we had before he left, which happened after graduation, was him begging me to reconsider my stance on breaking up. And when I wouldn’t, he swore he’d make an effort, show me I’m wrong and that we can make it work.

It was so hard to tell him no. For a minute, I considered giving in, trying to do long distance. But in my heart, I knew it’d never work. Turns out, I was right.

Aside from a few text messages early on, I haven’t heard from him at all. That doesn’t give me confidence, and now I’ve basically given up.

Wes and I are done. And the knowledge makes my heart implode.

Chapter 44

Nothingmakesmeunderstandthe pain and misery I put Lochlyn and Shay through quite like the summer without Wes. It still pains me daily, and I barely make it through a day.

But six weeks after Wes leaves, I wake up on the couch in Lochlyn’s apartment one morning and decide that enough is enough. I’m not going to let him leaving define me and leave me broken any longer.

He made his choice, and I’ve been making one to sit in misery instead of doing something for myself.

“Today is a new day,” I tell myself as I throw off the covers.

Shay and Lochlyn come out of their bedroom and into the kitchen as soon as they hear me.

Shay sits on the couch next to me while Lochlyn goes to the kitchen to start making breakfast and coffee.

“How are you this morning?” They’ve both been treating me with kid gloves because I needed it. But no more.

“Actually, I’m great. I think I’m going to go find a job today. Something to fill my time, so I can stop moping around here. Wes made a choice and left. I can’t change that and wallowing won’t make the situation any different.”

Her eyes widen and I see Lochlyn nodding in the kitchen. I bet if I could see his face instead of the back of his head, I’d see a smile spread across it.

“Hey, Loch. Any chance we can go about getting a new bed for Wes’s, I mean, the guest room? I just can’t bring myself to sleep in it.” Most nights I try to start in there, but always end up on the couch. Lochlyn and Shay have never questioned it. Wes left it behind, planning to buy a new one in California. I just can’t face the bed we used to sleep in, to fuck in.

“Sure, Chels, I get that sorted out for you.”

“Thank you.”

Popping up from the couch, I head into Wes’s room, my room, and grab some clothes so I can take a shower and hit the ground hard. A few of my preferred stores in town have help wanted signs since most of the college kids go home over the summer.

“Where are you going?” Shay’s up and following me immediately. I know she’s worried, but she’s a hoverer. While I’ve appreciated it thus far, now I need to stand on my own.

“To find a job. I think Leila’s has an opening. You know I love it there.” Leila’s is a small boutique in town with amazing clothes, shoes, and more. It’s priced so well that even college kids can afford to shop there.

“Want me to come with you?”

“Nope. I’m good.” When she doesn’t answer, I turn around to find her fingers twisting together and her eyes filled with worry.

With two big steps, I stand right in front of her and squeeze her forearm. “I promise I’m okay. I just have a revelation that I can’t spend my time moping around. Wes is gone, and that’s not going to change. So I need to. But I can’t just sit around here all summer, I won’t make progress. I need something to do, a place to focus my mind.”

She nods repeatedly. “I understand. I just want to be here to support you.”

I throw my arms around her shoulders and squeeze her tightly. My best friend, my confidante, my sister. “You are. Trust me.”

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