Page 8 of Setting Limits

“A choice I shouldn’t have had to make. What’s so wrong with him, Chelsea? He’s your brother.” She glances up at me from her spot on the bed next to me. We’re supposed to be studying. She’s helping me with some English work, but we’re barely able to be next to each other.

“And you’re my best friend.” I dodge the question. I don’t think my answer to it would help right now.

“So? Shouldn’t you just want us to be happy? Why does it matter if that’s with each other?”

“Because it’s weird for me, okay?”And because one day you’ll ditch me, and I’ll be all alone. Maybe that’s what I deserve, but I can’t handle it right now. I’ve started to make some friends, but nothing strong, nothing real. Nothing like what I have with Shay. She may be mad, but we’re still as close as sisters. Even sisters fight.

“So, we’re supposed to not be with each other, be broken and hurting and not with the person we love because it’sweirdfor you? How is that fair?”

Her dramatic reaction to this makes me roll my eyes and look at the ceiling. “Oh please, Shay, don’t fool yourself. He doesn’t love you. You’re just another conquest for him. That’s what Lochlyn does.”

“You’re wrong, Chelsea. You are so fucking wrong, it’s disgusting.” She all but spits the words at me, and I jerk at her tone.

To try to calm her, change the situation, I reach over to take her hand. “Shay, listen, I know you think you know him, but you don’t. His reputation exists for a reason; it’s no different at college.”

She rips my hand out from under her grasp, jumping off the bed. “You’re wrong. I do know him. I know him in ways you never could. I know things he’s never told you. You think you have this great, strong brother-sister bond that nobody can penetrate, but guess what? I did. Did you know he was willing to choose me? He wanted me to choose him. But I couldn’t. And now you sit here and put down what we had? Telling me I don’tknowhim? Fuck that.”

Shock coils through me. Shay doesnottalk like this. To me or anybody. She rarely curses. Sometimes I’m sure she’s an angel from heaven and her wings would be clipped if she did. That’s when it clicks for me.

No matter what my feelings or thoughts on the matter are, no matter what I think about my brother and swear to be true, for Shay, it was real. Every second, every encounter, every kiss was all real and meant a lot to her. She saw something different in Lochlyn than I ever have, and that’s enough for her.

She takes a deep breath and swipes her palms hastily across her cheeks as the tears start to fall again.

I’m the one who’s wrong in all of this. All these things that I did, all these issues I caused. The common thread in it isme. It’s also the common thread in the people who leave, as they’re all leavingme. Shay’s the only one I have left, since I still don’t hear from Lochlyn. To save my friendship, I need to fix it.

“I’m sorry.” My voice is incredibly quiet as I slide off the bed. “I’m, uh, I’m going to get some air.” I have no idea where I’m going to go or what I’m going to do, but I need some time to think, and Shay needs to be alone.

Besides, I can’t see her cry again, knowing it’s because of me.

Chapter 7

I’mshockedthatShayyelled at me. I’m happy she did, though. I’ve been wanting her to come out of her shell for years. I push her, often much harder than I should. Lochlyn was able to finally bring it out in her. That and the horrible ultimatum I pushed on her. If I admit it to myself, they’re kind of perfect for each other. And I ruined it. But I can fix it. Or at least I can try. I have to try.

How to do that, I have no idea. That’s part of why I’m out here, wandering aimlessly. Lochlyn won’t talk to me. How can I fix it if I can’t find him? I don’t know that I can handle them being together. But maybe I can bring her some solace if I know he’s moved on, or that he only wanted her for her body.

Just…something. Even if it will only ease my conscience. At least then I can help Shay move on.

It’s not until I’m standing in front of their door that I realize my feet carried me to Lochlyn and his best friend Weston’s apartment. It’s not far from campus, and I've only been here once before. How I came on auto-pilot, I don’t know. But I’ll take it as a sign that I’m meant to be here.

Maybe Lochlyn is here, maybe he’ll talk to me. If not, maybe Wes has some valuable insight.

Tentatively, I knock on the door.

I’m met with cobalt blue eyes and dark hair. Then a lopsided smile. “Hey, Chelsea.”

My heart races at that smile and the deep timber of his voice. Wes has always had a strange hold on me. “Hey, Wes. Is Lochlyn here?”

“He’s not, but he should be back soon. His class ends in about five minutes. You want me to pass a message along to him?”

“Actually, do you mind if I hang out until he’s back?”

“Uh, not at all. Come on in. There’s a chance he’ll be longer. Sometimes he hangs around a bit or grabs a coffee.” Part of me wonders if he’s waiting for Shay or hoping to run into her. She doesn’t have class now, but there’d be no way of him knowing that.

“That’s okay, as long as you don’t mind me staying.”

“Not a bit. Make yourself comfortable.”

I flop down on the couch and sink into the corner. There are so many things running through me on top of the daily pain of being left behind, of feeling not good enough and undeserving of love.

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