Page 75 of Setting Limits

While I’ll always have Shay as my best friend, Lochlyn has her on a deeper level. Wes is the closest thing I’ve found to somebody like Shay. To my own opposite that gets me on a deep level, that brightens my days.

I know I need to share this with him, let him know about these deeper feelings regarding Lochlyn and my parents and my abandonment. It’s messed me up more than I realize and likely more than he realizes. Maybe he’ll change his mind when it dawns on him how much. Now would be better than later. Especially since I still don’t know if he’s leaving or not.

One thing that’s nice to know is that I’m not alone in these feelings. Lochlyn’s never voiced it, but from his show of affection toward Shay, the way she supported him just now, I know that they’re there, and likely strong and deep. He didn’t just get abandoned. He had a whole hell of a lot dropped on his shoulders too.

And heisthe Golden Boy. So, if they did leave him too, well, then it’s one of two things. Either they really didn’t care about us.

Or I’m so terrible they left him to get away from me.

Chapter 37

Threedayslater,Ifinally break and have a conversation I’ve been dreading since Wes and I got together.

“I just…I don’t understand why Lochlyn is okay with this. I ruined his life. For years and years, I gave him a hard time foreverything. It was like every move he made, I lashed at him for it.”

“But, sweetness, he gets it. He understands what you went through, are going through. He did, too.”

“Yeah, but he stepped up. He took care of me, dealt with me, and after all that, when hefinallyfound happiness and something for himself, I took it from him. Yeah, he has it back, but what else have I taken?”

“Hey, Chelsea. Look at me.” Begrudgingly, I do. It’s hard to look at Weston, because I so easily get lost in those dark blue irises. But this time there’s something harsh covering them. “Everybody forgives you. Lochlyn’s my best friend. We’ve never been afraid to give each other shit or call each other out on something. We’ve talked about what happened and where things are now. He’s good with it. He harbors no ill feelings.”

“I still just don’t see how. He’s never liked one of my boyfriends before. Has he just given up caring what I do with my life?” That would make the most sense. It’s probably why he doesn’t care what happens with me and school.

“Oh, Chelsea. You underestimate your brother way too much.” Weston sighs heavily and drops his head, shaking it a little before lifting his eyes back to mine, a wisp of hair hanging over his forehead.

“Most big brothers are protective of their baby sisters. But you have a much more protective brother because youdon’thave a father figure around to vet the guys who you date. All you have is Lochlyn, and he takes that seriously, and takes it on willingly because he loves you and wants the best for you.”

While I know Wes is trying to help, that doesn’t. Because it makes me feel like Lochlyn only sticks around because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to.

“You know the reason he hasn’t liked any of your ex-boyfriends? Why he was so hard onyour ex.”He says the words with such disgust I have to fight a laugh. He truly despises Brendan and even the mention of him. “Because none of them were good enough for you. Fuck, I’m not even good enough for you. I don’t deserve you. But I’m the one who comes the closest. I go to school, I have goals, I have something of a future that’s more than just living at my mom’s or a minimum wage job. And while those things alone may not be terrible, he wants more for you, Chelsea. He wants you to have everything you’ve ever wanted and knows that won’t happen without somebody who has drive and desire, like I do.”

“So, Lochlyn basically wants me to date somebody just like him?” Because from everything Wes just described, it’s Lochlyn.

“In a way, yes, because he works his ass off and wants to provide everything he can for Shay and the life they’ll have. He wants her to have everything she’s ever dreamed of and more. And I know he’ll do everything and anything he can to give it to her. So, he wants the same for his sister. If you can’t find somebody who’s willing to do the same, they don’t deserve you, and they’re not worth your time.”

When I say nothing and do nothing but continue to sit here and stare at Weston with what has to be a lost look in my eyes, he sighs and pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me. Every single part of me relaxes into him.

“Trust me when I tell you that Lochlyn loves you, Chelsea. He always has. The only reason he’s okay withmebeing the one you’re dating is because he knows me really well. Not only that, but he knows I would do everything for you. I would walk to the ends of the earth, anything at all for you. Lochlyn knows this, he trusts me to take care of you, to give you all those things, to give you a good life and future if we go that far. Because that’s how he sees life. He doesn’t look at things as a ‘now’, he looks at them as a forever.”

If we go that far. Is that in reference to him possibly leaving? Or is it that he’s planning to break up with me? Does he think I want to break up with him?

“Hey.” He takes my cheeks between his hands and tilts my face up to his. “I mean, if you want me. Because I want all of you, Chelsea. I’ve said, I mean it. I’m with you until you push me away. And I really hope you don’t ever do that.”

“Really? Despite all my baggage?” Like feelings of inadequacy and abandonment and selfishness.

“I’ll help you carry it.” The words are whispered across my lips before he intensifies the kiss, his tongue slipping to find mine.

And I let it all go. I let myself get lost in Weston, in his kiss, in his body. And I repeat his words over and over in my mind.

I’m with you until you push me away.

Chapter 38

ThingswithWeshavebeen nothing short of spectacular. I’ve completely avoided the topic of what he’s doing after graduation. I can’t talk about it. I can barely even think about it. Any time I do, tears spring to my eyes, and my whole mood deadens. The mere thought of him leaving, of him being across the country, is enough to flatten me.

So instead, I lean into him, his presence, our love. Telling somebody you love them every day, hearing it back andfeelingit in your exchanges, never gets old or boring.

A snowstorm has blown through, and we’re bundled in the dorm with hot chocolate and movies, snuggling under extra blankets and only getting dressed to use the bathroom.

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