Page 65 of Setting Limits

Me:So I say this as a girl, not knowing what it’s actually like to receive, but as somebody who has given her fair share, I don’t think there is such a thing as doing it wrong. As long as you don’t use your teeth.

Glancing up at her I take in her wide eyes and fingers at her mouth as her teeth work her cuticle. She’s worked up.

Me:Ok give me a few to get all this out. For one, Lochlyn adores you. He loves you beyond measure. This I know for certain. Just as I know you feel the same way about him. I’m sure he doesn’t care and won’t care if you never did…that.

Me:Second of all. I think you need to talk to him about this. He’s going to be honest and open with you. You guys are disgustingly cute together.

It’s the term Wes used, and it fits perfectly.

Me:In terms of the other thing. Take it slow. Don’t do more than you’re comfortable with. I promise that he will understand. You can try and back out or stop completely. It won’t matter.

I’m low key jealous of Shay’s experience. She’s with somebody who loves her enough to be patient, to wait and not have any expectations. While I’m finally with somebody like that, many ships have sailed in the meantime. It’s too late for me to have that welcoming first experience. But not for Shay. And that’s what I want her to walk away with this from.

Shay:I’m just scared it’s going to be weird.

Taking a small breath, I glance at the ceiling. It certainly can be weird or awkward.

Me:It doesn’t have to be if you’re with somebody you love. But you could try drinking a little first. To relax. Now I’m not necessarily saying you should but it’s something you could consider.

Me:But honestly I think you should just have a conversation. Discuss your fears.

Shay:He knows.

Of course, he does. I’m not sure there’s anything they haven’t discussed. I was shocked to find out he’d told her all about his sexual history. Which was nowhere near as extensive as I’d thought it was. In fact, it was far less than even half of what I thought. I've even heard them telling each other what they had to eat that day in a tone that almost sounds like foreplay.

Shay:I want to surprise him.

What can I tell her to give her the boost she needs? I’m trying to think about it solely as helping my friend. Not what she’s doing because if I let myself go there, I may just pass out.

Me:I wish I had some magical solution or answer for you. But I don’t. It’s one of those things you just have to go for. Don’t let anything dictate your reasoning to do it or timeframe. It’s on your terms or not at all.

Me:Lochlyn worships the ground you walk on Shay. I know you want to do this one thing for him but please don’t let yourself get worried and upset about it. I’m sure you already are but just trust that it will happen when you’re ready.

Glancing up, I see her nodding, her mouth pressed into a firm line. I know she’s going to work this in her mind for a while, but I hope she’ll be gentle on herself. Putting her phone aside, she turns back to her books. I do the same until I hear a distant vibration and glance up to see Shay smiling and looking at her phone.

I can’t help my own return smile, knowing that it’s a message from Lochlyn.

“Loch says Wes won’t shut up about you and asked if we were that annoying after you found out about us.”

She looks up just as my face burns. “Um, who said you stopped being that annoying? You guys talk about each other constantly.”

Instead of reddening, she just shrugs. “I’m glad you two are happy, Chels. You deserve it.”

“Wes is a great guy. I’d always known that, but I didn’t see him a lot obviously. When we came up for the concert though, something…“ while I’m trying to figure out the right word Shay fills in for me.

“Shifted.”

“Yeah. That’s the perfect way to describe it.” Pulling my lip between my teeth, I think back to that weekend, almost a year ago.

I’d been in an awful mood, not doing great at the community college where Shay and I were taking classes during our Cornell postponement. It was putting a damper on my mood, especially because Brendan was less than understanding. I needed to be away, and Killington the month before had been a major bust.

I was taking my wretchedness out on Lochlyn, per usual. Thinking back, I’m eternally grateful he had Shay here, because I’m sure she was comforting him. I can’t even be frustrated they’d been lying about it. Weston took a lot of the heat off Lochlyn that weekend. Talking to me, making me laugh, distracting me. The one time I really went after Lochlyn, Wes took me for a walk. Brendan tagged along too, but I barely even registered he was there, listening to Wes’s melodic voice as he talked about Cornell and being Lochlyn’s friend.

That was when I started to see Weston for more than just Lochlyn’s extremely attractive roommate.

“I’m sorry, again, Shay.”

Her brow furrows as she looks at me. “For what, Chels?”

---