Page 64 of Setting Limits

“I can’t talk to you about this, Chelsea. Forget I even said anything.” She’s shrinking lower and lower, turning redder and redder, but she wanted to ask for a reason.

“Is he, is he trying to force you or convince you to do something you don’t want to do?”

Her eyes flash up to mine, searing with anger. “Of course not, Chelsea! Jeez, it’sLochlyn.” She says his name with such conviction and like it’s absolutely ludicrous to think he could ever be anything less than perfect with Shay. Which, in reality, is true. He’d lay the world at her feet if he could.

I hold my hands up in peace. “Okay, you’re right. But when you won’t tell me, I worry about the worst.”

“It’s nothing bad and nothing he’s doing or not doing. It’s me.”

It’s her. What could that mean? I take a deep breath in and hold it for a beat before releasing it. There are two choices here. Move on and let Shay struggle with this or have an incredibly uncomfortable conversation where I try to talk to and help my best friend in her relationship, even though I know she’s talking about having sex with my brother.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to have as basic a conversation as we can about whatever is bothering you. And we’re going to discuss you andJohnuntil you’re more comfortable. I can’t let you worry this away until you’re crazy because we both know you will.”

She’s shaking her head, curls flipping around her face, and pulling her lips between her teeth. “I can’t do that, Chels. It’s too weird. For you, especially.”

“Would it be easier if we didn’t talk?”

Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. “How would we do that?”

My eyebrows dance on my face as I hold my phone up and shake it from side to side. I float my flat hand under it like I’m a game show host showing off a prize.

Taking her phone in her hands, she flips it around in her grasp. I can almost see the gears working her head. Her tongue pokes out of mouth quickly to wet her lips, and she nods resolutely, swiping open her phone.

I choose not to watch her and instead keep my eyes glued to my phone. The three little dots of anticipation dance on my screen and then stop. They start again before stopping. This happens three more times before I shoot a glance towards Shay. She’s still red and is looking at the far corner of the ceiling, as if she’s trying to find the words she needs.

Going back to my books, I try to get some reading done. Knowing Shay, this may take a while. I’m stunned when my phone pings a minute later.

Shay:Ok, so this is really weird for me. Know that first. But I feel…stuck and you’re my best friend and I don’t know who else I can talk to.

Me:You’re fine Shay. This is a little weird for me too but I love you and I want to help you any way I can.

Shay:First, know that Lochlyn treats me with nothing but respect. He has never once pressured me into anything. And he always checked on me and made sure things were ok when we were getting started. Now, well, now he doesn’t have to.

Me:I know Shay. I never doubted. You just made me worried with your nerves and whatnot. I know how much you mean to him and that he’d never do a single thing that could remotely hurt you or be anything less than a perfect boyfriend.

Shay:Ok good. I just needed you to know that. And that I really truly love him.

Me:Trust me, if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s how much you two are madly in love with each other.

I wish I could tell her about some of the conversations Lochlyn and I have had. But I wouldn’t do that to him. It’s his thing to share with her, to talk to her about. Not mine.

The three dots mock me again.

Shay:There are…things…that I haven’t done yet that I’m nervous to try.

Things she’s nervous to try? I know they’re having sex. I saw it with my own eyes. That image took a long time to erase from my memory. There are a few options floating around. While Shay’s come out of her shell a lot and grown as a person, she’s still uncomfortable talking about sex. I've done everything there is to do sexually speaking, and have no shame to discuss it, but Shay still gets flustered when it comes up. Around me, at least.

My phone dings again and I look down.

Shay:To him.

OHMYGOD. Shay’s worried about giving a blowjob. I fight the urge to both cringe and shake away the thought. It’s not the act so much as who it’s with. But I told Shay I would do my best to help her and I’m going to.

Me:What about it has you nervous?

Shay:I don’t know. What if…what if I do it wrong?

I want to laugh at her adorableness. I try to think back to my first times of everything. It was a few years ago, and a handful of guys have come and gone in between. Shay and I are very different in this aspect, though. Shay’s lack of self-confidence prevents her from doing things, and she over thinks like nobody I've ever known. I, on the other hand, spin mine around and use it as fuel.

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