Page 55 of Setting Limits

He read an unspoken need in me, something deep and almost animalistic. Something that I barely even thought about, let alone would have voiced. It’s like everything else with how he reads my body, my needs, my deepest, darkest desires.

I’ve always sworn that I’m a difficult person and there is no Chelsea handbook. But Wes seems to have found one, or so it seems more and more, he wrote the damn thing. Sometimes it’s as though he knows me more than I know myself.

Chapter 28

It’sbeenaweirdcouple of days with all four of us in the apartment. We’re all walking on eggshells, wanting to do certain things and give into certain desires that we can’t while others are here.

That doesn’t keep Wes and I from being intimate, and I’m sure Shay and Loch are the same. But when we’re all in the living room or kitchen, things are a little…awkward.

Shay moves around the apartment like she lives here, and on some level she does, so it makes sense. I still feel like a guest, having to ask if I can have something or where it is while Shay just takes. She even helps clean, doing the dishes after each meal or helping unload the dishwasher. I’m pretty sure she even did a load of laundry.

When things start to feel a little claustrophobic, and we’re almost out of food, Lochlyn and Wes take a trip to the gym and grocery store, leaving Shay and I alone for the first time since the bomb of Wes and I dropped.

An uncomfortable silence surrounds us as we sit in the living room and it’s almost like we aren’t best friends and haven’t known each other most of our lives.

“Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me? That’s my only thing.” Her voice cuts through the quiet like scissors through tin foil.

“I felt like you’d be mad because I got so crazy about you and Lochlyn. It’s not that different. No, Wes isn’t your brother, but he is Lochlyn’s best friend.”

Her shoulders slump and her mouth presses into a line. “Chels. I don’t care about any of that. Neither does Lochlyn. But it does hurt that you don’t know me better than that. That you don’t know I would only be happy for you. Lochlyn, too.”

Her words slice through me like shrapnel. “I know that, Shay. I do. But it’s not what I deserve in this moment, in this situation. And I was afraid you’d realize that.”

She takes my hand and squeezes, so I listen. “Chelsea. You made a mistake, a rash decision. We weren’t all innocent or in the right either. You apologized, made sure Lochlyn and I were there to hear your apology and try to work it out. And we’re better than ever. So, yeah, while it was a shitty situation, we’re fine.”

“You’re right. And I’m sorry. I hope this won’t affect anything between us.” It’d kill me, if after everything,thiswas what drove the wedge between us.

“Just…one question. Are you happy? Truly happy?”

“I really am, Shay.” More than I ever could have thought possible. And it terrifies me a little because we haven’t even discussed what happens in a few months when he graduates. I almost don’t want to face it and just want to live in this bubble for a little while.

“This isn’t something to get back at Lochlyn?”

“No! Definitely not. Trust me, I really like Weston.” Can she not tell? Does she really think I’d do something like that to Lochlyn? Or that Wes would? Or maybe she thinks I’m playing Wes, too. I can’t say it’s totally out of left field for her to think that, though it hurts all the same.

“I didn’t think so. You seem really happy with him, but I wanted to be sure. I have to protect Lochlyn.”

“You don’t have to, but you want to, and that’s better.” I hope these little snippets of my support help to eliminate any remaining fears of my doubts about their relationship. Being around them, it’s impossible not to see how incredible they are together.

“I’ve always been looking for what you and Lochlyn have, Shay. With every guy I’ve dated, though before I knew about you two, I didn’t know what it looked like. My parentscertainlyweren’t the picturesque couple or family. Your parents were probably the closest thing. Until you and Loch. And it’s all I want. Wes is the first guy I feel like I can truly have that with. Or at least some semblance of it.” And that’s the incredibly scary part. Especially with the prospect of him leaving. What if we do have that, and he leaves? Or what if I think we have it, and he doesn’t.

“If that’s what you want, Chels, then I want that for you. And Lochlyn will too. And Wes is a great guy, we all know that. All Lochlyn has ever wanted is for you to be happy and loved. If that’s with Wes, nobody is going to hold that against you.”

“I know. I see that now. I’m sorry. I should have told you. It just felt so hypocritical.”

“I can understand that thought process. And I know that when we lied to you, it hurt. Maybe that’s why I thought you wouldn’t have done the same. Because you know that pain of being lied to by your best friend, by your sibling.”

She’s absolutely right. And there’s nothing more I can say to take away any of that pain or irritation. Apologizing is all I can do, and I have.

“All I can say is I’m sorry, Shay. But you know now.” A thought pops into my head. When Shay and I were younger, we used to make pacts all the time, always about silly little things.

“Let’s make a pact. No more secrets, no more lies. We tell each other the truth and the other person always has an open mind.”

“Agreed. And we have to let go of any anger or resentment going forward. Even toward ourselves.” Sometimes I hate how easily Shay can read me. And that she’s not an angrier person.

“I’ll work on it. I promise.”

Silence takes over, and it’s a little awkward, not the usual comfortable way we exist in the same room and have for years. There’s a newfound tenseness in the air.

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