Page 4 of Setting Limits

But I feel this coming to an end. The only question will be if it’s before or after I leave. Right now, he’s my solace, so I’ll hang in for the time being.

I’m just a horrible person all around. No wonder people don’t want to stay around for me.

Chapter 3

It’sbeenafewdays, but Shay has finally texted me to meet at my house. I assume she’s made a decision. I have refused to speak to her, and it’s all but killed me. She’s been in my life every single day for almost the entirety of it. And suddenly she was gone.

It’s a good taste of what it might be like if I lose her to Lochlyn. Or what life could be like. But I surely hope that isn’t the case. I hope she didn’t invite me here to tell me she’s choosing Lochlyn. Because I honestly don’t know that I could follow through with not being her friend.

Yet at the same time, I don’t know how to reconcile being so close to somebody who’s having sex with my brother. Plus, if I go back on what I said, what kind of person does that make me? They’d start to walk all over me, and I’ve hardened myself, pushed myself to be the person that’s in charge, to ensure that doesn’t happen.

Not anymore, not after my parents.

Lochlyn called me, texted me. He was trying to find me, wanting to talk, wanting to sort it out. I wasn’t interested. I’m still not. But Shay called me here, and I’m sure it has something to do with deciding since it’s been a few days.

The anxiety boils within me until I’m a trembly mess, not sure what awaits me behind the door of my own house.

It’s not until I get home, out of my car, and up the front steps that I hear yelling from inside. Something about how Lochlyn thought she loved him.

Mere moments later, he pushes through the door, brushing past me on his way out. “You win, Chels. She’s all yours.”

When I turn to Shay and walk over the threshold, she’s barely on her feet, tears pouring from her eyes. I wrap my arms around her, and she collapses against me.

We fall to the floor together, and I hold her, letting her cry. She needs to get it out and then she’ll be okay. Anybody can be upset from a breakup. I’ve cried over shorter relationships and ones that seemed less important than this one apparently was to her. He was her first, after all.

The two of us sit huddled on the floor until the sun starts to lower in the sky, casting long, bright streaks across the floor and shadows on the walls.

At one point when I was left alone, this time of day would scare me, and I could hardly sleep at night. Now, I find it kind of soothing. It’s my own space. Just mine.

Shay hasn’t spoken a word in hours, but her sobs have turned mostly to hiccups, and she’s jerking less than she had been.

Every tear, every sob, sliced right through to my soul, to the place where I hold my best friend and my love for her.

But I had no other choice. This had to happen. And it’s better that it happens now than while we’re at school. It’s better for them to be apart than for her to stumble upon Lochlyn with another girl.

“How are you, Shay? Think you can get up?”

“He’s gone. He left.” Her voice is raw, the pain etched deeply into every word.

“I know he did, but you’ll be better off for it.”

“No, I won’t be. He was all I ever wanted.” A lump of remorse buries itself in my throat at her painful words. But she doesn’t mean it. She can’t. She’s mistaken, hurt right now. She’ll realize this isn’t true tomorrow.

“You’ll be okay, Shay. It just hurts now.”

She shakes her head against my shoulder before she pushes up to her feet. “I have to go.”

Before I can answer, she’s out the door.

I don’t follow her. Some time alone may be good for her, it may be what she needs. Time to mourn the loss of the relationship, of what she thinks is her first love.

She’ll be back. We’ll be okay. I hope.

Chapter 4

AnotherdaythatIshow up at work and Shay is nowhere to be found. We used to work every single shift together. I can’t remember the last time she was here when I was. I guess it’s easy to avoid somebody when you make the schedule.

I’d ask Jane, her mom, but I’m sure she has no idea where Shay is or what she’s doing. She’s not with Lochlyn. I know that much. He left for Ithaca right after she chose me. I haven’t heard from him either.

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