Page 32 of Setting Limits

Thumping comes from down the hall, making me jump and smudge a line of polish across my cuticle. Great.

“Of course, Mr. Goldenboy has never had a dime taken from him. Even after he started banging my best friend.” I cringe at myself. For many reasons. Partially because the thought is crude. I’m okay with them dating, and I’m happy for them, even if I am jealous.

But also, because the music means that’s exactly what they’re doing. Lochlyn had used music in the past to supposedly drown things out. Granted, I always thought he was in there screwing far more than he actually was, a fact I’m still trying to wrap my head around. I am, however, fairly certain that all he and Shay do when they’re alone is fuck. I don’t know how Wes handles it.

Wes.

The brush slips from my fingers as my heart gallops. I rest my hand against my chest, my nose crinkling at the pungent smell wafting toward it.

Brendan was right this morning. Wesissomebody to me. Somebody important. In what way I can’t say yet. I’d be a liar if I even thought that I wasn’t attracted to him. But I’d never pursue him. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a hypocrite.

It took me the better part of the day to truly come to terms with everything. What Brendan said, the validity of his statement, the fact that my feelings are real andnotsomething I can blame on intoxication.

I have to set limits, for myself especially. I've gotten carried away, fallen off the wagon. I have to right things, right myself.

Wes has to stay a friend, one who brings me an odd sense of comfort. That’s okay, though. Right?

A knock at the door makes me jump out of my chair with a shriek.

Turning, I see Shay’s shoulders raised to her ears and a grimace on her face. “Sorry, Chels, didn’t mean to scare you.” She juts her chin towards me. “Want any help?”

“Aren’t you and Lochlyn busy getting busy?” I raise an eyebrow and give a half smile to try to make her comfortable even if my skin is prickling. There may always be a level of weirdness associated with the knowledge that they’re fucking.

It doesn’t work, and Shay’s face floods pink. “We’re not doing anything but spending time together, Chels.”

“Sorry, force of habit. You know I’m just happy you guys are happy, right?” Something inside me has to check this regularly. I have to ask them, tell them, to make sure they know. It’s some urgency inside me I can’t fight.

“Yeah. I do. We both do. So, need help?” I like how she moves past it so I can’t dwell on my shortcomings too much.

“You two go be together.” I jut my chin toward the exit and hope she ignores me.

“I don’t mind.” Taking a step away from the door, Shay moves into my room.

It’s so familiar, us being here together. Only now it’s more that she’s here for Lochlyn, and I’m the afterthought instead of the other way around. It hits me like a ton of bricks as the air rushes from my lungs. It’s the first time I've felt like this. It’s also the first time we've been back here since I knew they were together.

Shay’s eyes narrow, and she cants her head to the side. “You okay?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m great. Help would be nice.”

Her face lights up as she sits on the edge of my desk and pats her thigh for my hand. I pass her the polish bottle, a sparkly navy, far darker than my usual pastel pinks and purples. In fact, it’s closer to the sort of color Shay usually chooses, when she opts for polish instead of the natural look.

We don’t exchange words as she dutifully glides the brush along my nails. I can’t help but stare at her as she concentrates so intently. As different as she is now, she still looks exactly the same. It’s almost as though I expect to find some physical difference, some outward sign that she’s changed. But I don’t. She’s still just as stunning as she always has been, and I know she still doesn’t see it.

A guitar rift wafts in with the smell of something delicious cooking downstairs. Shay’s lips move silently, and her head bobs slightly. While I’ve tried to get into this style of music to have more in common with Shay and Lochlyn, I just can’t.

Lochlyn’s always called me a pop princess. It doesn’t really bother me. I don’t care that I like music that makes me feel upbeat and happy versus dark and depressed.

“What’s Lochlyn making for dinner?”

She lifts her shoulder, always the same side. “I have no idea. I told him I wanted to come check on you, see what you were doing. We both expected you to be with Brendan, so I figured maybe something was going on.” Her gaze glides up as she looks at me through her eyelashes. “Everything okay?”

I take a sharp swallow, not wanting to alert them that anything’s wrong. They don’t need to know we broke up. Shay will feel bad for me and want to be there and spend more time with me than Lochlyn. I don’t want that. Not because I don’t want her attention, but because I robbed them of time together. Even if it was only a few weeks of them truly being apart, they spent all that time in hiding.

“Yeah. Totally fine. Just tired, worrying about finals.” Also true.

“I’ll help you study if you want. I bet Loch and Wes would too.”

A snort erupts before I can help it. “Loch? Are you sure?”

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