Page 54 of Off Limits

“Drive very carefully. That’s my sister.”

“I will.”

“Chelsea, let me know when you get there, please.” It’s my turn to speak up.

“Okay, Mom.” She’s always said I’m like the group mother, asking people to be safe and call when they get places. Lochlyn’s not much better.

She walks around the island, giving Lochlyn a hug and a kiss. “Behave yourself. And be nice to Shay.”

“I’malwaysnice to Shay.” Nicer than Chelsea could possibly realize. Though what lies ahead for the night, I’m worried may end up not quite as nice.

Giving me a giant hug, she pushes my curls behind my shoulders as she pulls away. “Try to have some fun. And remember, you can always tell him to fuck off.”

I hear Lochlyn’s heavy exhale behind me, sure he’s also rolling his eyes before I hear an angry chop.

We watch them leave in silence. After the door shuts, I still hesitate to even glance in his direction. I feel like I’m being an idiot. I love him, immensely.

Taking a deep breath, I turn around. His eyes are trained on me, but his expression is still unreadable. At a loss for words, I wait for him to speak first. When he makes it clear he’s not going to, I sit down at a barstool, nails tapping against the granite, looking around.

Warmth settles over my hand, stilling it, causing me to look up to find Lochlyn’s hand over mine, his eyes on me. He has a look of irritation, with maybe disappointment mixed in.

“Are we going to talk, or are we just going to sit in uncomfortable silence for the rest of the night?” I blurt out. I just can’t hold it in anymore.

“I need ten minutes to get this in the oven. You don’t have to stay in here if you don’t want to, but please don’t leave the house.”

Biting my lip, I slide off the barstool and go into the living room, flopping onto the couch. The house doesn’t have the most open floor plan—you can’t see from the kitchen into the living room.

I look around the room, biting my nails and cuticles. This house is a second home to me. Sometimes it feels like I’ve spent more time in their house than I have my own, especially in recent years.

Lost in anxiety and my own head, I don’t hear Lochlyn come out of the kitchen, startling me as he takes my hand from my mouth and takes a seat on the couch next to me. He has a scowl on his face as he looks at my hand. He hates when I chew my cuticles.

Keeping my hand in his, he takes a deep breath. I’m afraid I’m going to explode, waiting for him to say something.

“Are you going to break up with me?” Boom.

His brow knits together. “What? Shay, no, of course not. I’m feeling…hurt.”

My chin hits my chest. Hurting him is the last thing I ever want to do.

“When you say things about me having girls in my shower or worry that the person I’m talking to is a girl and that because I haven’t seen you in six weeks, I’m going to sleep with somebody else…it hurts me. It makes me feel like you don’t trust me. I’ve tried to tell you, more than once, there’s nobody else. No other thoughts, no regrets, no questions. I just don’t know how to make you understand it.”

“I’m sorry.” It comes out as a whisper as I try to push back the tears.

“I need you to talk to me, Shay. I need to understand what happens in your head. The good, the bad, the scary, the ugly. All of it. Being apart for so long, it’s fucking hard. For me too. I’m not sitting there enjoying my life, living it up while my girlfriend is four hours away. I miss you, every damn day. Texting all day and talking for an hour or two at night, to then come home and have to hide. It’s not enough. It hurts that you don’t know that.” The hurt is evident in his tone, and it’s like a thousand needles poking into my heart that I put it there.

“I do. I do know that. It’s just…" I can’t say it, can’t voice it.

“It’s just what?Talk to me.”There’s so much desperation coating his words.

“What’s so special about me? I know you told me why you loved me. I remember. But…I don’t know. I guess, I just don’t feel like I’m anything special. And that you’ll wake up one day and realize that. Especially not seeing each other for weeks at a time. That instead of you missing me more, you’ll realize you’re happier without me.” He brushes some tears from my cheek before pulling me against him.

“Do you love me?” His voice is muffled as I lean against his chest.

I jerk my head away from him. “What? Of course I—"

He holds a hand up to stop me. “Just…answer the question.”

“Yes.”

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