Page 99 of Off Limits

“Loch, stop.”

He pulls back, brows furrowed. “Why?”

“Because I want to talk to you.”

“Really? After six weeks apart, you want to talk?”

“I do.” There are a million things I want to do; some Ineedto do. And this conversation falls into the latter category.

“Why?”

“I think it’s important.”

He sighs and takes a step back, sliding his hands into mine as he pulls me toward the couch. As he sits, he tugs me down with him, sliding my legs over his.

Running his fingers over my skin, he looks at me expectantly. “I’m only going to give you so long before I’m tearing your clothes off.”

I can’t help but giggle. It’s the first time I’ve laughed since Chelsea walked in on us. I take a deep breath before starting what I’m worried may be a difficult conversation.

“I feel like I need to explain why I chose Chelsea.”

“You don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore, we’re—”

“No I do. I need you to understand. It was thehardestthing I've ever had to do in my life, including delaying Cornell. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after that day, to explain myself.”

If I don’t continue, I’ll never get the whole story out, and I need to. He needs to hear it.

“It was not an easy decision. I need you to know that. I toiled over it for days, barely sleeping in the process.” I take another shaky breath, steadying myself and trying to stop the tears that are threatening. I haven’t even looked at him. I can’t.

“I’d longed for you for so many years. Finally being with you, it felt like a dream. I didn’t want to lose you, so I tried to think of some sort of solution. You know me in ways she never can; there are things I’ve told you, even before we got together, that I’ve never told her. But after all Chelsea and I have been through, after she put her life on hold for me when my dad died, I had to choose her.” I keep going, having to push through to get it all out.

“I love you, so much, but I’ve loved her longer. And it’s different, of course, but I’d lived without you before. Those days without Chelsea were so hard. For sixteen years, she’d always been there, almost every day. I could turn to her for anything. And I had this one major crisis going on and she was the cause.” Biting the inside of my cheek, I look away before I let the anger at the situation take over again.

“I talked to my mom before Chelsea caught us, which was a bad idea. I thought maybe, just maybe, she could be my mom again. But she said to always choose your friends over love, that love only leaves you broken-hearted. I know she’s still so lost over my dad.” Lochlyn swipes away the stray tears before I even realize they’re falling. There have been so many lately I barely recognize them anymore. I still haven’t looked at him, but clearly, he’s watching me intently.

My lip trembles, knowing what I’m about to say may be the most heartbreaking. “I had to choose Chelsea, because I was worried. I was worried that someday, sooner or later, you’d realize you don’t want to be with me. That if I chose you, I’d lose her and then eventually you’d come to resent me for turning away your sister and I’d lose you too. Then I wouldn’t have her to turn to when my heart was broken.”

The tears are flowing freely, so fast I can’t swipe them away quickly enough and they patter against my legs. Lochlyn takes my chin in his fingers and tilts it up, pulling me in for a tender kiss. He swipes his thumbs under each eye slowly. When that doesn’t help, he kisses one track of tears.

“Shay, I understand. I understand why you made the choice you did. Ihatethat we missed out on even a second of time together. But none of that is your fault. It’s Chelsea’s. You never should have had to make a decision like that. And I should have fought harder. I should have pushed against her more.”

“No, there was no reasoning with her. I don’t want your relationship to be harmed because of us. You’ve always been close.” Initially, Iwasmad at him for not fighting harder. But it didn’t take long for reality to set in that there was nothing he could have said or done to change things.

“It’s too late for that. Chelsea already did that when she made you choose. But it took me all of three days to decide that I didn’t care what Chelsea had to say. That nobody was going to determine our relationship except us. I was just biding my time to come back to you.”

My pulse quickens at his words, and my eyes flick up to his, widening as I digest what he said. “You were? But it’s been six weeks.”

“I was trying to figure out the best way. I needed for Chelsea to not be around. I didn’t think going home was the right place, so I had to wait until you moved on to campus. My plan was to learn your class schedule and conveniently bump into you one day.”

“And you thought upon seeing you, I’d just fall romantically into your arms?” It’s not the worst theory, because I certainly would be inclined to do just that.

He chuckles, and my whole body tingles at the sound that I’ve missed so much. “Well, I mean, I’d hoped. But I kind of figured I’d just work my way back, show Chelsea she was wrong.”

I drop my gaze and twist my fingertips. “I had been kind of worried about seeing you around campus.”

“Why?”

“I was afraid I’d see you with somebody else.” It’s so quiet I’m not sure he heard me. I almost hope he didn’t.

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