Page 96 of Off Limits

“So we’re supposed to not be with each other, be broken and hurting and not with the person we love because it’sweirdfor you? How is that fair?” My heart rate is rising the more we get into this conversation. Several weeks’ worth of pain, frustration, and anger all bubbling under my skin, ready to explode.

She rolls her eyes and looks at the ceiling. “Oh please, Shay, don’t fool yourself. He doesn’t love you. You’re just another conquest for him. That’s what Lochlyn does.”

Angry tears flood my eyes as I shake my head. “You’re wrong, Chelsea. You are so fucking wrong, it’s disgusting.” I practically spit the words at her.

She jerks back at my tone. I rarely talk back to her, letting her have her way. Any time I have, I’ve been gentle, making my case in the least confrontational way I can. And I had chosen her in all of this. But at a cost. A really big one. Maybe too big.

She reaches over to take my hand. “Shay, listen, I know you think you know him, but you don’t. His reputation exists for a reason. It’s no different at college.”

I rip my hand out from under her grasp, getting off her bed. “You’re wrong. I do know him. I know him in ways you never could. I know things he’s never told you. You think you have this great, strong, brother-sister bond that nobody can penetrate, but guess what. I did. Did you know he was willing to choose me? He wanted me to choose him. But I couldn’t. And now you sit here and put down what we had? Telling me I don’tknowhim? Fuck that.” I surprise even myself with both my tone and my words. I’m not sure I’ve ever talked toanybodythis way.

With a deep breath, I try to steady myself, swiping my hands hastily across my cheeks as the tears start to fall.

“I’m sorry.” She’s so quiet I’m sure I haven’t heard her correctly. Chelsea never apologizes. She slides off her bed, walking to the door. “I’m, uh, I’m going to get some air.”

Chelsea and I decided to room together last fall, well before Lochlyn and I got together. There was no way to pull out of it once we started dating without telling her. Then, as we were figuring out what we’d say and how we’d handle the ramifications, she found us.

I take a few deep breaths and climb up onto my bed, hugging my pillow to myself and sobbing. I’ve spent a lot of my time alone in the six weeks since I last talked to Lochlyn doing this very thing. At first, my pillow still smelled like him. When the scent faded, I cried harder.

I’m not sure how long I lie here for. My tears run dry and I’m trying to catch my breath, feeling how swollen my eyes are, my cheeks sticky with tears, when there’s a knock at the door.

At first, I ignore it, not wanting to talk to anybody. But they’re persistent, knocking harder. I throw my pillow down, hopping off the bed, giving a quick swipe at my face, knowing there’s not much I can do.

When I throw open the door, I freeze.

“Hey, Shay.”Lochlyn.My heart, which had momentarily stopped, hammers against my rib cage.

“Wha-what are you doing here?”

“I told him to come.” Chelsea pokes her head out from the side of the doorframe. “I left to walk a little, think about what I’d done, why it bothered me if you two were together. I had some things I needed to clear up first. You were right, Shay. I was wrong, I wassowrong. After wandering a little, I found my way to Lochlyn’s apartment, where I talked to Weston.”

“Wait, you talked to Weston?” I interrupt her, shock filtering through my words.

“Shh. I talked to Weston. And he told me that Lochlyn didn’t have a single girl at his place last year and was in his room every single night. That the only girl he saw with Loch, or heard him even talk about…was you. So I waited for Loch to get back from class and I talked to him.”

I look up at Lochlyn, who’s been standing there patiently, hands in his pockets. I’m aching to be in his arms, my whole body humming, finally in front of him for the first time in six weeks. But I’m not really sure what Chelsea is thinking. She didn’t bring him to be mean; she wouldn’t do anything like that, cruel as she’s been lately, but I’m not sure she’s accepting it either.

She takes a deep breath, ready to continue. “I asked him how he feels about you. And he told me he loves you. Plain and simple, not a second of hesitation. I’ve never, ever heard him say he loves anyone or anything, except that damn car.”

His brow furrows as he looks down at her. “Hey, it’s a good car, don’t kno—" She cuts him off with a glare. “You’re right, sorry, continue.”

“So after hearing that, I was surprised. I wasn’t expecting him to say that.” She sighs and looks at the ceiling, almost like she’s fighting something in herself. “I’m not super proud to admit this, but I honestly just thought he was saying that because he liked fucking you. I thought for sure he was here, living it up. When Weston again said he wasn’t, I figured he just really likes it with you. So I asked why he loves you.”

Her eyes shimmer in the light as they fill. “Shay, the things he said. I’d kill for a guy to say that about me. We’ve all known each other a long time. I never really thought he was paying much attention. I was wrong. And it’s clear you’ve learned a lot about each other over the years and the time you’ve had together.”

Though I’m afraid it’s going to hurt, I turn to Lochlyn, who has his face tilted toward the ground, hand running up the back of his neck, gaze locked on me.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, both of you. I realized that the reason I’d always been so against you two was two-fold and selfish. First, I was afraid I wouldn’t be important to either of you anymore. And I was afraid I’d lose you if you two broke up. That it’d be too hard for you to be near me after. There’s theslightestchance I have some abandonment issues. But I gave you an unfair choice, and you chose me. You gave up love for me. And while you haven’t exactly been pleasant since then, you’ve been here.

“I guess this is my long-winded way of saying that I give my blessing or whatever. I’m okay if you two are together. It’ll besuperweird knowing that you’re sleeping together, so we for sure will need a system so I don’t walk in on anything again, but I want you two to be happy. You’re my two favorite people in the world, and I’m honestly glad you found happiness with each other.”

The second her speech ends, I’m pressed up against Lochlyn’s chest. He folds his arms around me as he kisses the top of my head. And the tears start flowing again. He cups my chin with his hands and brushes the tears away with his thumbs, leaning down to kiss me.

I see Chelsea out of the corner of my eye, a smile on her face, wiping a tear from her own cheek.

“I missed you. So much.” It comes out just above a whisper around the lump in my throat.

Lochlyn rests his forehead against mine, hands on my cheeks. “You have no idea, baby, no idea.” His lips are on mine again. As my arms lace around his neck and my eyes drift closed, I notice Chelsea backing away.

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