Page 81 of Off Limits

“Yeah, yeah. I guess she is. Do you remember when I was a junior, so you would have been a freshman, and I was really sick for a week? I could barely get out of bed, I was so weak. High fever, body aches. Chelsea brought me soup, juice, and Advil every day when she got home from school. I know she hadn’t made the soup herself since she could barely boil water, but she brought it to me. Sat with me and made sure I ate, told me stories about school and how her day was. Talked about you. Mostly she just kept me company, made sure I was okay.” His voice is wistful as he thinks back on the memory.

“She may be a pain in the ass, but she’s a good person. And a lot of that has to do with you.”

His brows are knit together, eyes scrunched in confusion as he looks down at me. “Me? How?”

“Lochlyn, look at everything you did for her. I mean, those are some pretty formative years and your parents basically just decided they didn’t want to be parents anymore. She could have fallen way off the deep end. But she didn’t. You’re her older brother. Who you are helped shape who she is just by showing her how to be. You’ve always been a good person. Kind, generous, caring. Protective. You’re smart as hell, which obviously didn’t translatequiteas much, but Chelsea’s still smart. She just doesn’t have the same drive you do. Studying with her this year was a nightmare.”

Does he really not see the influence he’s had on her? How much he’s affected her life in the best ways?

“I can only imagine. She still thinks I didn’t do much while our parents were gone.” Though he tries to hide it, I sense the hurt in his tone.

“That’s her problem. And I’ve always told her that. She’s always kind of put herself first, but things really changed when your parents started traveling. I think she took it harder than we realize.”

“Has she ever said anything?”

“Not a thing. Which is kind of surprising because we know how much she loves to talk about herself. But even if I bring it up, she changes the subject. Quickly. That’s how I know there’s more to it. There are deep feelings there.”

Silence overtakes us again as we let our thoughts on Chelsea linger.

“God, I so don’t want to turn into my dad.” His voice comes out just above a whisper.

“Lochlyn. Are you serious?” My voice is soft and shrouded in shock.

He hangs his head so his forehead rests against my shoulder. “I’m set up for that life, Shay. Cornell, law school, place at his firm. He wasn’t always how he is now. We used to do stuff together as a family, families even.”

“I remember.”

“Then one day, they stopped caring, stopped being interested. It was like they finally had money to be able to do whattheywanted and make sure we were taken care of. The first time they left for a week, Chelsea cried. She thought they weren’t coming back.”

Wrapping my arms around one of his, I pull it tightly to my chest, squeezing. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for both of them. My parents are gone in different ways. But they didn’t choose that, it chose them.

“Lochlyn, you’renothinglike your dad.”

“I just don’t want to harden like he did.”

“Look at me.” He complies and there’s a sadness in his features. “You are a good person. You are caring and sweet and giving. You don’t want that life, you’re being pushed into it. And you push back.” As I say it, I trail my fingers along any tattoo they can reach. “Please don’t worry about becoming him.”

He leans his forehead against mine, speaking quietly, “Promise me you won’t let me become somebody I don’t want to become.”

“I promise.”

Lochlyn keeps his arm over my shoulder, across my chest, pulling one of my hands down and linking his fingers through mine to rest in my lap. We sit there, a tangle of our bodies, not knowing where he ends and I begin, until the sky fills with vibrant shades of pink, purple, and orange.

Chapter 14

Heathdecidestothrowa party for the Fourth of July, having to cancel the first of the summer that we had planned to attend. It’s at his parents’ house, as they’re out of town. His backyard is huge, complete with a pool and bar, for which he hired a bartender.

Things between Lochlyn and I have been tense. The sneaking around and lying is starting to take a toll. It’s harder several weeks put together with many more ahead. More than once, he’s begged me to tell Chelsea. But I just can’t. I want to at least wait until the fall when we’re all at school together, when I have a place to go, a way out. We’ve had a few close calls. It’s destroying his confidence.

Lochlyn has been in a foul mood since this morning. He’s been quiet the whole way over, music turned up loud enough that we can’t talk. Though he holds my hand on the drive, he won’t look at me.

We’re sitting in the Acura in front of Heath’s house, but Lochlyn makes no move to get out.

I chew on my lip, often stealing glances at him as he has his hand against his mouth, staring out the windshield. Looking at him makes me anxious. Looking away from him also makes me anxious. I don’t know where to point my eyes.

He solves the problem for me, taking my chin firmly in his fingers and turning my face to his as he leans across the console, mouth closing over mine, tongue forcing its way to curl between my lips.

The tension I’ve been holding eases out of me as his hand slides to the back of my neck, keeping me against him.

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