Page 80 of Off Limits

I huff, tilting my head to the side.

“Okay, maybe a little. I don’t know. This place, it’s…special to me. It’s really calming and quiet, peaceful. I come here a lot when I just need to be alone or need to think.”

“I don’t know why that makes you nervous. Do you not want to show me?”

“No, of course I do. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I know what I’ve thought about here.”

For a moment, I wonder if I should question what he thought about or let it lie. I choose the latter.

After another minute of hesitation, Lochlyn gets out of the car. With no instructions or invitation, I do the same, but slowly, unsure if he wants me to join him. When he walks to my side of the car and loops his arm around my waist, I know I made the right choice.

I immediately sense what he means about it being calming and peaceful. Even though the playground is full of children, you really can’t hear them here. Puffing some hair out of my eyes as it floats around my face in the gentle breeze off the river, my muscles start to loosen, my shoulders lowering.

Lochlyn hasn’t said anything. It’s not until he sits on the grass, pulling me to sit between his knees, my back against his chest, that he does.

Reaching around me to pick some grass, he speaks for the first time since we got out of the car. “I found this park about three years ago. My parents had left on another trip and Chelsea was driving me nuts. I felt stuck and lost. I was really mad at my parents for leaving me home, again, with her. I was a teenager, that was their job. At first, I’d been happy they trusted me enough. That was when I thought it’d be the one trip. Or maybe once a year. Not once a month.

“I think I had just found out Chelsea lost her virginity or something. I felt like I’d failed. That it was my fault because I was the one home with her. On some level, I think I knew that she was just rebelling because our parents weren’t around. Which just made me even angrier at them. What was so wrong with us? Why didn’t they want to be around? I know Chelsea’s a pain in the ass, and I certainly have my flaws. My dad was less than pleased when the rumors reached his ears.” I shift slightly at the mention of those rumors.

“He had said that I was painting the family in a bad light, that it wouldn’t reflect well for me and certainly didn’t reflect well on him. He didn’t even ask me if they were true. Though, really, I knew what he would say. ‘If enough people say the same thing, it may as well be true.’ He’d always said that about the firm’s reviews.” He tears at the grass in his hands. If I could see his face right now, I know it would be drawn, brows cinched together and jaw tight.

“I remember sitting here and trying to find some light. Something to make things easier, less difficult. I mean, I was eighteen and in charge of a wild sixteen-year-old. Instead of being thanked for the things I did to take care of her, I was condemned for the things I did to live my life.” Angrily, he rips the rest of the grass apart. I haven’t said a word as he talks, knowing he needs to get it all out, but I don’t want to let the anger build. I tilt my head and kiss his jaw, getting a tight smile in return.

“I was never able to stay for long, not trusting Chelsea to leave her for more than an hour or two. Your parents were great then, a huge help, but they worked late. I’ll never forget when I got back. You and Chelsea were in her room and you were arguing, sort of. It was that quiet arguing you’ve always done with her, where you make your points known firmly but don’t actually raise your voice. How you keep your patience with her, I’ll never know.

“But I heard you chastising her. Telling her she was way too young, she was being stupid, she wasn’t really in love. All the things I’d thought of saying to her, you already were. That was when I realized, you are the light.” My eyes flutter shut as warmth floods my chest, making my pulse race. His lips find the spot at my neck and graze against it lightly.

“I’d wanted to be with you for a little while at that point, often in ways I’m not proud of, though I wouldn’t have acted on. But that was when I decided Ineededyou to be a bigger part of my life. More than just my sister’s best friend and my…I don’t know, sort of friend?” His inability to define what we had before makes me feel better, as I’ve never quite known what to call it either.

“I know there’s all those stories, rumors, whatever. I’m not going to deny I had my share of…fun. But you know me. You’ve always known me. I hope you can know that they’re not true. I need you to understand that I’m serious about you, about being with you. I don’t know, I guess I just feel like it’s important to remind you before going into the summer. It’s going to be really hard trying to be together with everything going on and everybody being home. A week here, a weekend there, is one thing. A whole summer is very different.”

“I mean, one rumor is pretty true.” He tilts his head down to look at me. “You areamazingin bed.” I shake against his chest as he smiles and laughs. Bending down, he presses his lips to mine.

I keep my head back against his shoulder as we stare out at the shimmering river, my forehead resting against his jaw.

“I’m worried about summer. I’m not going to lie.” Not sure where I’m taking this, I start hesitantly, just speaking what’s on my mind. “I know it’s going to be hard. Ten weeks is a long time to keep a secret. It’s not as new now, we’re even more comfortable with each other. There are going to be so many times we want to just be close and sit, maybe even just like this, but can’t.” A heavy breath heaves from my chest as I try to wrap my head around the reality of it.

“Chelsea asked for reduced hours at the store too.”

He hangs his head, sighing.

“I know. She did say she wants to spend a lot of the time with Brendan since she’ll be leaving at the end of summer, but it will be harder to know exactly where she is or what time she’ll be finished. Since I get to make the schedule, I’ll know some hours for sure, but she’ll get suspicious if I have a lot of those times opposite her.”

“We’ll certainly have our work cut out for us. But that was why I wanted to tell you all that. You’re worth it. I’ll figure out anything I have to, to have that time with you. And just be prepared that I’m going to sneak as many little touches as I can.” His nose is in my hair as he speaks low in my ear.

I curl into him as need twists through me. “I’m okay with that.”

Staring straight ahead, he rests his cheek against my temple. “Ever change your mind about telling her?”

“We’ve been over this. I’d love to tell her, stop hiding, stoplying. But she’ll flip out. I don’t even want to think about what she’d say or do. I can’t risk it. I know it’s foolish of me, cowardly even, but I’m too far down this road now. I have to keep going, there is no U-turn.” The mere thought causes my limbs to tremble. However it comes out, as I know it will, it’s going to be messy.

“Well, we can’t do this forever. You’ll be in the same room next year. You’re welcome at my place all the time. In fact, I’ll insist, but she’ll wonder why you’re not in your room.”

“I know. I know we have to say something. I just, I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say. I’m certainly not prepared for the inevitable fallout.”

“Why do we let her control our lives? Control this?”

Pressing my mouth into a hard line, I think for a moment. I’ve asked myself the same thing more than a dozen times, especially recently. “Because she’s Chelsea. It’s easier to give her what she wants. As frustrating and annoying and selfish as she can be, she has a good heart, and it’s in the right place. She’s always been there for me. Maybe she doesn’t do things for me or the way I’d prefer them, if you remember my party, but she didn’t hesitate to put her life on hold for me. And while it was still a party she appreciated, she had the thought to give me one, to take some time to celebrateme. She sat with me every day when my dad was sick. She’s even offered to drive me to the cemetery, to sit with me. She’s just…she’s Chelsea.”

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