Page 64 of Off Limits

Lying in bed, my head on his chest as he runs his fingers along my arm, we’re shrouded in silence. I know he’s thinking over something heavy.

“Can you imagine Chelsea as a mother?” I almost jump at his voice, even though it’s barely above a whisper.

“I think there’d be a lot of Uncle Lochlyn and Auntie Shay time.”

“I can’t believe she was so irresponsible.”

“Yes, you can.” I tilt my face towards his.

He sighs. “I guess I can. God, it sucks to have a younger sister.”

“Would it be easier if you had a younger brother?”

“Probably.”

“Really think on that. Think about whatyouwere like at nineteen.” My eyes narrow as I look at him, but I’m not sure he can see me.

“You mean, pining for a girl I thought I’d never have?”

“Be serious.”

“I am.” My heart flutters at his sincerity.

“Okay, maybe so. But think about theotherthings you did. With other girls. You’re telling me you wouldn’t be worried that possibly said brother could get somebody pregnant?” While Lochlyn told me he had always,alwaysbeen safe in the past, there’s a chance every time you have sex.

“I changed my mind. It’s being the older sibling that sucks.”

“Only when you’re caring and interested. I’m sure Logan’s not at all concerned with what I do.” I pause for a minute. “I, uh, I just, I want you to know I’m still…we’re being safe.”

“I know.”

“How?”

“I trust you. You’re responsible.”

“Sometimes I get tired of the pressure to be perfect,” I mumble, frustration settling in my tone.

“You’re the closest thing to perfection on this planet, Shay. But it’s not about being perfect. You’re a responsible person. You always have been. And if you make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world.”

My entire body freezes. Does he mean make a mistake with my birth control or in general?

“Uh, are you, do you mean…what do you mean exactly?” It’s probably easier to let him tell me than to try to decipher it.

“I mean that you’ve always lived wanting to make other people happy. Your parents, Chelsea, even Logan, when she was around. And yeah, you do a lot that makes you happy as long as it’s not going to upset somebody else. Being with me is the first thing you’ve probably ever done for yourself, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m just saying that, that’s part of who you are. You care about other people’s thoughts and opinions. And you do what needs to be done. You’re not taking care of things around the house and at the store because you want to take it over. You’re doing it because it needs to be done and you step up. Making a mistake doesn’t change who you are; it just means that you made a mistake, like the rest of us mere mortals.” There’s a melodic tone to his voice, one he uses when he’s sincere.

“I think you put me on too high a pedestal.”

“I think you don’t put yourself on a high enough one.”

I snuggle into him.

“And,” he starts hesitantly, "if something were to…happen…we’d be okay. I’m not saying we should have kids now or anything. I mean, you’re nineteen, I’m twenty-one, we have a lot of life to live before then. But, I don’t know, I’d be okay with it, on some level.”

“So, you’re saying that if I make a mistake, forget my pill for a day or two, and accidentally get pregnant, you’ll beokaywith it? You won’t be, I don’t know, mad? Panicked?” All feelings I’m pretty sure he’d feel.

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