Page 60 of Off Limits

“I didn’t tell anybody, Shay. I was scared. You’d want to be there for me, do anything you could, be supportive. I didn’t want that at that moment. It would have been a mistake, a stupid mistake. I needed to feel bad and stupid about it. Plus, I was worried you’d tell Lochlyn and then he’d make sure Brendan never touched me again.”

I freeze. Does she know? "Why would I tell Lochlyn?” There’s a tremble in my voice that I hope she doesn’t pick up on.

“Because you two are friends and have always talked about me. You’d tell him.”

She’s right, I probably would have, even if we weren’t dating. “Okay, so you had your scare, but you’renotpregnant. What happened at the resort?”

“When he was complaining about the kids, I got mad. If things had gone differently, I could have been pregnant at that very moment. So I said something about it. I don’t even remember exactly what I said. I was furious and just blurted something out. But he turnedwhite. Shay, I thought he was going to pass out. Now, I’m not saying I plan to, or even necessarilywantto be with him forever, but it did not exactly give me the vote of confidence that if something were to accidentally happen that he’d be able to stick around.”

The whole thing sounds messy. I know she wants to have kids someday. But how can you even contemplate that with somebody whose stance is that of Brendan’s?

“Did he say anything?”

“Not for a while. He sat and put his head in his hands. Then when he did, he said, 'but you’re not, right?'"

“Oh.”

“Yeah. So I told him the truth. But the way he reacted. His whole body relaxed. I thought he was going to melt into the floor. And he goes, 'oh, thank God.' Like, what? I mean, yeah, I was happy about it too; I’m nineteen, I don’t want a baby, but like, really? So, then he starts going on and on about how it’s fine, it’s great, we’ll be more careful, that kids aresonot something he’s ready for right now, if ever.” She’s so worked up, the words pour right out of her with barely a breath between sentences.

“Eek.” At the moment, I know I’m not here for much more than emotional support and for her to get it all out. My words are not necessary.

“Mhm. But at no point does he check on me, ask how I’m feeling, ask how I’m doing, ask my opinions. I mean, I want kids. Obviously not now, but someday. I mean, like I said, I don’t know that I want to be with Brendan forever, but what if I do? What if I do love him enough for that? How can I be with somebody who doesn’t want kids if I do?"

She looks off to the side of the room, squeezing the pillow against her chest.

“I told him I wanted to leave. I even started packing. He was shocked. Didn’t understand. We drove most of the way in silence before I burst. I basically told him I didn’t think we should be together if he didn’t want kids, that I did some day. He said we aren’t getting married now, what does it matter. It was a mess.”

Filling my lungs with air, I hold it for a beat and nod. A pregnancy scare. If I’m being completely honest, I’m kind of surprised it hadn’t already happened at some point.

“Have you actually spoken about it? In a calm manner?” I’m pretty sure I know the answer is no.

“I don’t think I can right now.”

“Do you want me to make him leave?”

“He’s still here?” Her brows shoot to her hairline.

“Yeah. He’s downstairs. Or he was when I came up. I told him not to leave.”

Her eyes widen, to almost all pupil, and I know fear is overtaking her. “Oh, God. Lochlyn.” She knows if left to his own devices, he’d happily end Brendan.

“I calmed him down, sort of. When I came up, he was in the kitchen, about to get a drink. I told him he better stay put until I talked to you.” If he knows what’s good for him, he better still be in the kitchen.

“You’re always so good with him. Both of us. You’re the calm in the storm.”

“Thanks, Chels. So, do you want me to make him leave?”

“I just don’t think I can talk to him right now. Can you let him know I’ll call him tomorrow?” As though exhausted, her eyelids droop and she lies back down.

“Sure. You okay?”

“Yeah. I will be. I just…I want to be alone.”

“Okay. Are you sure? I can stay.” Though I’d definitely prefer not to, my body aching to be downstairs and in Lochlyn’s proximity.

“I’m sure.”

I stand to leave, giving her hand a squeeze. “I’ll ask him to go, then.”

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