Page 26 of Off Limits

“Good, because if I was always breathing like that, there’d be something wrong with me. I just had some exertion, my breathing was elevated, so was my heart rate. Here, feel.” He takes my hand and places it above his heart. “Much slower.” He presses my hand against his chest and takes my chin between his fingers, turning my head to look at him. “I’m right here, baby.”

I nod as tears well and my lip trembles. It’s temporary. He’s only home for a few more hours. He wants me at this moment. But what if, when he goes back, he changes his mind?

Sighing, he pushes himself up higher, pulling me into his lap as he wraps his arms around me. I lace my hand around his neck, pulling myself as close as I can, then cry against his chest.

“It’s okay, Shay. I’m here. I don’t want you crying for the rest of our time together. No more tears. Let’s be happy.”

“I’m trying. I’m just…I’m really going to miss you.”

His arms tighten around me. “I know. I know, baby. I’m going to miss you too.”

After a few minutes, I’m able to get control of myself and stop crying, breathing him in. Then I have a thought.

“How long?”

He sighs frustratedly, not that I can blame him. “Shay.”

“No, not how long do we have left. How long had you wanted to kiss me for before Thanksgiving?”

“Years, Shay. Years.”

Linking my hands behind his neck, I lean back to look at him, his arms loose around my waist. “Really? How’d you keep it hidden for so long?”

Shrugging, he says, “Honestly, I don’t really feel like I did.”

Something clicks into place for me. Something that maybe should have been obvious, or would have been if I paid a little more attention, or wasn’t filled with low self-esteem. “Is that why you offered to help out at the store this summer? And stayed a week when my dad died?”

“Yeah. I mean, I like to think I’m a good person, but, man, that was some real manual labor moving those boxes. I just wanted to be near you, any way I could.” He runs a finger along my eyebrow and down my cheek. “I knew you weren’t okay. I wanted to try to help you be.”

“I wish I had known.”

“Honestly, sometimes I thought you did. I always hoped you did. But when you didn’t reciprocate, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I just thought that if you didn’t have the same feelings, maybe if I put in the time, the effort, one day you would.”

“The feelings were definitely mutual. Are mutual. I sometimes thought maybe I was picking up on something. The way you’d look at me or prolong a touch. But then I’d think there was no way. No way you could ever possibly be interested in somebody like me.” I laugh. “I was sure you were going to catch me staring at some point.”

He chuckles deep in his chest. I love the sound. “I may have once or twice. I always hopedyouwouldn’t catchmestaring.” His hair grazes my skin as he drops his head and shakes it. “Ihadplanned to take things a little bit slower. Of all the times I went over it in my head, it was never a kiss on the deck, disappearing for a month, then coming back and getting right to sex.”

“I can definitely say that’s not how I’d ever pictured it either. But I don’t mind. If you think about it, we really built a lot of the background first, for years even. Especially with all those late-night chats we had over the last year.”

“My very artfully designed conversations.”

“You’re revealing your secrets.”

“I guess I am. It’s okay, though. As long as you know now.” His knuckles graze my cheek while his eyes search my face before he leans in to kiss my bottom lip.

Sleep is hard to come by, which leaves me awake in bed, wondering what Lochlyn’s doing, if he’s thinking about me, when my phone chirps.

Lochlyn:Come outside and meet me.

I immediately text back.

Me:My mom.

While she may not pay much attention to me, she’d certainly notice the door, as quiet as I may be.

Lochlyn:Sneak out or lie. I need to see you.

Me:Ok.

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