Page 13 of Off Limits

“You know it’s not that simple.” My gaze drops to my lap, fingers lacing together.

“I know. I do. But I see you sinking more and more time into it. I’m worried about you, for you. I want you to havefun. Find somebody who makes you happy, makes you laugh. That’s not me, of course.”

“I will, Chels. I’ll get out of the store. I already sent my stuff back to Cornell for next year.” Lochlyn adjusts in his seat again. I hadn’t mentioned this to him yet. He may be the only person who semi-cares that I make it there, besides myself.

“I know. But it was so easy for you to defer.”

“You did, too, ya know.” My defense is weak, just like my emotional stability right now.

“Yeah, but Cornell’s notmywant, Shay. It’s forced on me. I’d be happy staying here. You? You want Cornell. You always have.” She’s right. Chelsea would be happy doing anything, going anywhere. I even think she’d be content not going to college and just traveling the world. There’s no way she’d get it past her parents.

I, on the other hand, have wanted to go to Cornell since I learned about college. One day when I was six or seven, Dad sat me on his lap and showed pictures and told me stories about his time there and ever since I’ve strived to wear the red and white.

“A boyfriend won’t deter you from getting to Cornell. But it may make your time waiting more fun. And give you something else to do aside from spending all day at the store.”

“I don’t mind being at the store.” My voice is barely above a whisper, filled with the lie I’ve been trying to tell myself for months.

“Do you hear yourself? You don’t mind the store? Shay, all you’ve said for years was that you never, ever wanted to end up there. You worked your minimum hours over the summer and were out the door the second your shift was over. Now, you’re basicallyvolunteeringto be there.” Every time she speaks, she’s louder; her words firmer.

“It’s different, Chels. It’s not what it used to be. Everything’s changed.” There’s a meekness in my voice, a sense of defeat. Lochlyn is stiff as a board next to me.

“Yeah, everything did change. And you’re the only one taking on the responsibility. You have a sister, you know. I mean, genetically speaking. Realistically, I’m not so sure since it’s been, what, over a year since you last saw her? Why are you the only one taking on the added pressure, changing your life?” But Chelsea doesn’t stop, she keeps going, pushing until I’ve had too much.

“I need some air.” I’m on my feet, heading for the back door before she can even respond.

Lochlyn comes to find me on the back deck, sitting at the top of the stairs, lowering himself next to me. Chelsea went upstairs to call Brendan and go to bed, or at least that’s what he says. He’s so close I can feel his warmth, which I welcome on the chilly night.

“How are you doing, Shay?”

Howam I doing?What a loaded question. He just stayed silent as he listened to the conversation with Chelsea. Lochlyn always asks the hard questions. I take a deep breath in and hold it for a beat before letting it out.

“I don’t know. Fine, I guess. School isn’t bad, but obviously not what I’d thought it would be, expecting to be at Cornell. But it’s not bad. I’m doing well.”

“I didn’t ask about school. I asked about you.” There’s a terseness to his voice that isn’t usually there.

“That’s always harder to answer. I don’t know. I’m hanging in, I suppose. This time of year has been really hard. My dad loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. The anniversary of his death was painful. Logan…she didn’t even call. I don’t understand how I’m related to her sometimes. Mom closed the store and spent the day in bed. I just went about my life, thankful that Chelsea was around to distract me.” I pull at a string on my shirt, my fingers always needing to be busy when I’m nervous.

“I had wanted to come home for that; I just couldn’t get away. I’m sorry.” There’s such sincerity in his voice, it makes my pulse increase.

“That would have been nice, but it’s no big deal. Not much you could have done, anyway.” I lift my head to look at him and notice the clench set in his jaw.

“Chels said something about you finding a boyfriend. What’s she talking about?”

I give a small laugh, looking up at the stars twinkling above us. “Oh, Chelsea. She certainly doesn’t help sometimes. She has it in her mind that I need to find a boyfriend, so that all my problems will go away. Just like that.” I shake my head as I look back at the string I’m working between my fingers, my curls falling like a curtain on the side of my face.

“She just makes me feel pathetic at times. I’m eighteen and have never even kissed a boy. She gives me shit for it, but it’s like,I’m sorryI was a little preoccupied with my daddying. She doesn’t understand why it didn’t happen before that, but it’s just not the type of person I am, you know? I’m not exactly thrilled that I’m eighteen and going away for school next fall and still haven’t kissed a boy and have zero prospects.”

“You’re worried about kissing somebody?”

“I know, pathetic, right?”

“Well, I mean, I can help with that.”

Before I know what’s happening, he has my chin between his thumb and forefinger as he leans in to place a quick kiss on my lips. It’s so fast I almost wonder if he did it accidentally, leaned in a bit too far and our lips happened to brush. Regardless, that single peck steals my breath.

As he pulls back, his eyes lock on mine. And then he leans in and closes his mouth over mine again, spreading his hand against my cheek.

All of my senses are completely overwhelmed with Lochlyn. His sandalwood scent filters through my nose, the warmth and pressure of his lips on mine making my emotions tumultuous. When he parts my mouth, peppermint swirls across my tastebuds as his tongue curls against mine. No sounds exist in the night except my racing heart.

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