Page 121 of Off Limits

Lochlyn spends the whole dinner touching me, twirling my hair through his fingers, holding my hand, or resting his hand on my knee. I catch Mom smiling at us on more than one occasion.

After dinner, I’m helping her clean up and she has the first real conversation with me in over two years.

“You and Lochlyn seem very happy together.”

“We are, Mom.”

“And Chelsea? She’s okay with all of it?”

“She is now. It was a hard six weeks apart, but Chelsea saw where she was wrong. It took a little while for all of us to get back to where we had been, but we did.”

“I’m glad. Shay…" Something in her voice makes me stop and look at her. I almost cry, realizing she’s looking at me, really lookingatme instead of through or just around me, for the first time since Dad died. “I’m so sorry I told you that love wasn’t worth fighting for. I know you two had those awful six weeks apart, and that they were so hard on you. I’m partially to blame for that, and I’m just…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mom.” There’s a waver in my voice that I try to fight, but can’t.

“No, it’s not. I haven’t been a very good mother to you these past two years. And that’s not fair. I’m just glad you’ve been able to find happiness despite that.” She hesitates for a moment, looking pensive. “You know, your father would be happy. He always thought you and Lochlyn were meant to be together. He’d always joke after we spent time together, the two families, that he was going to have to write it on the walls for you two to realize you liked each other.”

It’s the first time in two years she’s been able to talk about Dad without needing to stop and without crying. While I’d love to celebrate the tiny moment, I can’t without throwing things off.

“I know. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. But then again, Lochlyn didn’t either. All those years wasted. I’m glad Daddy would be happy. He had actually said something to Lochlyn, that last Fourth of July. But then…well, you know.” I shake my head, chasing away the tears. I don’t want to get upset; I don’t want to ruin this time with Mom.

She smiles sadly at me and pushes some hair behind my shoulder. I’d received a lot of my looks from Dad. Mom has pin straight, very light brown hair, while Dad’s had been dark and curly, like mine. She does something she hasn’t done in over two years as she pulls me into a hug.

That’s when the dam breaks. My shoulders shake violently as Mom holds me tight against her, a hand rubbing over my hair as she turns back and forth, like she’s rocking me. It’s been over two years since I’ve had any affection from her and it took a harder toll than I realized.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I love you, Shay.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

When we separate, there’s a wet trail on her face as well. “Let’s go back out to the living room, see what everybody else is doing. And before I forget, Don really likes Lochlyn.”

Sniffling, I laugh. “How? He barely knows him.”

“He said that he makes you happy, and it’s clear as day the second you two are in room together how much that boy loves you. His eyes find you in an instant and brighten, like he’s just seen the most beautiful sight in the world.”

My heart swells hearing this. I see how Lochlyn looks at me, but hearing how it’s seen through other people’s eyes is amazing.

“I just want you to be with somebody who loves you, and it makes Don feel good to know that you are because I can rest easy.”

If there was even a shred of doubt in Mom or Don, it’s cleared up when she and I walk into the living room. Lochlyn’s smile fades and he’s in front of me in a second, cupping my chin in his hands and wiping his thumbs under my eyes before pulling me against him and kissing to top of my head.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly as he holds me in his lap while we wait for the coffee to brew.

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Shay. You were crying. What happened?”

“My mom hugged me.”

“I like to think I’ve become the Shay whisperer in the past year or so, but you’re going to have to connect the dots for me.” The Shay whisperer. I like that.

“My mom hasn’t hugged me since my dad died.”

“Not even when you left for school? Or graduated?” Big moments where a daughter should have gotten a hug from her mother, but not this mother-daughter duo.

“Not since before the funeral.”

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. I probably should have assumed, but I kind of figured at least with you leaving for school.”

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