Page 58 of Boss Level

20

xander

This was a ridiculous drive to make for lunch. Sure, Gage made great burgers, but not Dante-Larson-is-going-out-of-his-way-for-one burgers.

Maddox wouldn’t ask unless he had a reason, though, and I could use the drive to think and clear my head. I also had an investment out here, so this was a good excuse to check in on it. Not that Onyx needed my in-person attention, but doubling down on my reasons made me feel better about making the trip home.

Coffee scalded the roof of my mouth when I sipped from the to-go cup. With the nervous energy thrumming through me, I didn’t need caffeine. After Dom told me last night about how dinner went,pissed offsank in. It reminded me too much of Judith’s past.

Which kept me up half the night with the same thoughts that lingered today. I was going to need the steady stream of stimulants to stay on my game once I’d been on the road for a little while.

It was more than the encounter with Dale and Claire that had my mind buzzing. I hated seeing Dom and Judith go out, but not because I hated them together. That would be reasonable on my part, right? My husband and my best friend dating like an engaged couple should make me jealous?

But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.

I hated that Dominic and I couldn’t do the same, though. I wanted to walk into his firm’s fucking Christmas party, Dom on my arm, and kiss him in front of Roger and everyone. To make our marriage official. To have that stupid little slip of paper called a marriage certificate that said we’d made a promise to each other in the eyes of the world.

Yes, the promise was real regardless, but as the months passed, I wanted more and more to show my love to the world.

And I wanted—

No. I wouldn’t think that. I refused to thinkI wanted Judith on my arm too.

But I did. I wanted her with us. At the party. At our house at the end of the night. Over and over.

I couldn’t have it though. I refused to entertain the thought. She meant more than something frivolous like lust or desire. Her career, her direction, her life, meant more than something as base and primal asthis is mine, hands off.

More than an hour later, when I pulled onto the state road leading to Haddarville, my head was stuck in the same loop as when I’d left the house.

I drove down Main Street without pause, barely registering the shops. Most of the buildings and businesses had been here for longer than I had, but they’d also been taken over by the next generation of each family. Evie’s hardware store, Aubrey’s vintage clothing, Sebastian’s tea shop, Deacon’s antiques.

There were days I wondered why they hadn’t gotten out—some of them stayed by choice, like Deacon, and others were here out of a sense of obligation, like Sebastian, but they were all here.

Then again, I was helping Onyx rebuild the diner next to his music shop, and that basically tied me here even without the family name, so who was I to talk?

Onyx had asked if we could meet somewhere besides his building, the same as every time we’d met. He was keeping this a secret from Maddox and most everyone else. Meeting me in front of the city nativity scene didn’t seem secret to me, but it also didn’t cost me any extra so it was fine with me.

I was early though, so parked at one end of Main Street, near Gage’s Grub, and started a slow stroll to the other.

It was always strange to me, being back in the town we grew up in. Not because once upon a time I thought this tiny place, population 2,000, was a good size, but because I always felt out of sync here. My family founded this town. That was our name on the signs.

But I’d felt like a stranger here as far back as I could remember.

The Christmas decorations would look vibrant and bright at night, but during the day, the grime from melting snow had settled on to any pale surface. I paused in front of the one-third scale nativity scene at the end of the park. Same figures that had been here for years. I didn’t remember them ever looking different.

Every few years, some up and comer on the city council would propose replacing the scene with newer figures. Plastic maybe. Something sturdier, or at least easier to repair, that could be made to glow from the inside.

They were always shot down. The original granite pieces came out every year, despite the chips, and a missing piece here or there, they were always repainted and loved as much as was possible.

There was a bitter thought somewhere in the back of my mind about the residents loving a stone camel more than their neighbor, but I wasn’t in the mood to chase that thread.

The angel in back caught my attention. Over the years, the pale, heavenly being had been snowed on and covered in exhaust and grime as much as any of the other figures. Rather than celebrating the birth of its savior, the angel always looked so sad.

“I get where it’s coming from.” Past Judith’s voice echoed in my mind.“You do everything you’re told, obey all the rules, and then you realize you’re the only one who believes it’s necessary.”

That was the night she got kicked out. We stood here in the middle of town for hours, trying to decide what to do. Where she was going to go.

“Hey.” Onyx’s friendly call yanked me from the past. Somehow he’d stopped next to me without my noticing. Onyx was my brother’s best friend, and owned the local music store. Somehow he managed to keep selling physical media relevant—CDs, records, tapes… he had it all. But his obsession was new-in-box 8-tracks. “I hear the town council gets real twitchy if they catch you fucking with their nativity. Mind if I film it for posterity?”

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