Page 88 of Boss Level

“This engagement bullshit, the last few weeks, so many things have gone wrong.” The words tumbled out without my permission, and I couldn’t rein them back in. “There was the way this Elliot bullshit spiraled, the board is collapsing, Chris was sabotaging the game—he’s been with us from the start and he— I was playing house instead of taking care of business.” I snapped my mouth shut around another bite of fries before I could say more.

Cole took another long sip of coffee, as if he was going to wait me out, then set the mug down. “Everything you just described would’ve happened regardless. None of it was because you dared to care about something other than the company. And you handled it regardless, because you’ve put this structure in place to do so.

“Yes, it sucks to lose people, to have people betray you, I’m sorry. But you always plan for these things. Even if the people working for you aren’t your BFFs, you’re not doing things alone, because you made sure of it. You’re allowed to have a life outside of the company and it doesn’t mean you love AcesPlayed any less.”

I… No. How did that all make so much sense? It shouldn’t, because it meant I’d missed something crucial, and it was still just out of my grasp.

“You don’t have to put AcesPlayed on hold to love Xander,” Cole said. “You didn’t have to set aside your career for me, either, but he understands your drive. Xander gets you in a way I never could, and he always has. Honestly, for the longest time I didn’t think anyone else could compete with what the two of you are, but Dominic… He proved me wrong. All three of you together.”

“I don’t remember you being this insightful when we were married.” I liked the sound of what he had to say, and I was tired of fighting it, but Cole’s words didn’t solve my biggest issue.

Cole almost looked sheepish. “I didn’t know Luna when we were married.” He was so smitten for the people he loved. It was adorable and rare and I loved seeing it for him. For them. Was I just the teensiest bit jealous, too? Maybe.

“Speaking of impenetrable bonds,” I teased.

“Too easy. But also, you could have that with them.”

But I couldn’t. “If Xander feels the way he said he did. If he thinks I need…” I couldn’t even say the words to repeat what he’d told me. “I can’t.”

“I’ve never seen you give up on something you’re passionate about.”

Though the conversation moved to less angsty things, Cole’s words lingered through the rest of the coffee. Through us finishing off the fries, and me heading home.

I was surprised to find Claire gone when I stepped inside. As far as I knew, she hadn’t left since I brought her home almost a week ago. Not that I was trying to keep her here, she had the car, but she didn’t feel she could go to most of her friends. Based on how they’dhelpedher in the past, I was inclined to agree.

There was a note on the table that saidwent to my mom’s.

I wanted that to be a good thing—Claire shouldn’t have to surrender her life because of Dale—but I couldn’t help the worry that bubbled up inside. I was about to call, just to check in with her, when a key rattled in the lock.

Claire stepped into the condo, smile on her rosy cheeks. “Hey, you’re back. How’d it go?”

“It was… good.” I meant that. The conversation with Cole had my head spinning, but it also had me feeling better. “How about you?”Did your mom tell you to stop being a bad wife? To go back home to your asshole husband like a good girl?

“It was good.” Claire’s smile grew. “I thought she might be mad, you know, about this whole Dale thing, but she was really understanding. She said she was just happy I was safe.”

There was a whisper of jealousy that her momgot it, but that was drowned out by my relief.

“Plus, I snagged some extra decorations.” Claire held up two large Christmas gift bags.

“Yay.” I tried to find some enthusiasm, but couldn’t grasp what I needed.

Stepping past me, Claire moved into the living room and set the bags down. “I promise it’s not a lot, and we’ll have fun.” She sounded undeterred by my response. “I have lights, tinsel, and icicles.” As she talked, she pulled things from each bag, and set them in distinct stacks on the coffee table.

None of them looked too brash or obnoxious. They were all tasteful, gold or silver, and simple. Was that a hint of disappointment inside that she didn’t want to hang bright, garish colors around my condo?

No. But I did suddenly want the feeling of warmth and cheer in here. For the longest time, I let Xander be a driving force in how much I decorated for Christmas. It was all part of a kind of twisted and unofficial tradition. He’d remind me I needed to decorate and not be a Scrooge, I’d sigh and make a big production out ofagain, this year?And he’d be here.

Even the first few years after he and Dominic got together, it was the same.

Why did we stop?

Because I found reasons not to. Year after year, work was too much, I put the guys off, there were more important things to do.

Because I couldn’t see them together, especially this time of year. I couldn’t look at Xander, at Christmas, with someone like Dom.

Someone who had Xander’s heart in a way I never could.

God, that hurt. The truth was a bitch sometimes. Why did he have to say to me what he did?

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