Page 87 of Boss Level

“You probably won’t tell me, but what’s up?” Cole’s question overlapped my thoughts.

I shrugged. “Why would anything be up?”

“I realize I’m not the most perceptive person in the world, but Luna has worn off on me, or something. And I know you. Something is up.”

Yeah, it was. I hated this weakness. Thisneedto not be alone. I was supposed to be strong and independent, not needy and looking to others for answers. “Why are you the only person left in my life I can talk to?”

The waitress came back with coffee and water. Cole drank his black, and way too hot. I made sure mine was sweet enough to give me a sugar high even without the caffeine. At least some things never changed.

“You have Xander. You’vealwayshad Xander.” The way Cole said his name, casually as if it were just another word, made an ache grow inside.

I didn’t have Xander at all. Had I ever? He thought he was being my knight, which I never asked for, and I thought…

What? That we were enlightened because we could be friends and have sex and not need more? And I missed him. I missed Dominic. Despite what Xander had done. What he’d assumed.

“Be honest.” I needed to climb out of my own head. “Was he ever a problem between us?”

Cole studied me. “We had an open marriage. We were both always seeing other people. The only problem I had was you never admitted what you were.”

Because we were just friends.

I didn’t believe that. I didn’t want that. “I can’t talk to him about this.” Because it’s about him.

“That’s why you need to.” Did Cole know what I wasn’t saying? Luna really had rubbed off on him.

“You mean the world won’t mend itself magically?” I meant to joke. It didn’t feel funny.

He shook his head. “Why can’t you talk to him? Details, not vagaries.”

“Because we are who we are.” I wasn’t sure I could recap the fight, and I didn’t know a better way to explain the situation otherwise.

“That says so much more than it should.” Waving down the waitress, Cole had her bring us more coffee.

“And fries too. Lots of cheese.” This sucked. “I used to be friends with the guys at work. Why can’t I talk to them?”

As if it was taunting me, the scratchy speaker playing Christmas music started to push outAll I Want for Christmas is Youby Mariah Carey.

Cole sipped his coffee slowly, setting it down when our waitress returned with the pot, and drinking more as soon as she was gone. “You mean the men you’ve spent twenty years reminding you’re in charge?” he finally said. “You hold their futures in your hand.”

But we were all friends. “I really don’t. Not them. I run the company, but they’re my equals.” Except I didn’t believe that. I never had. They were all skilled. The best at what they did, but…

“They’re not your equals. You’re one in a million and no one can stand next to you.”

My breath caught at the sincerity in Cole’s words, but I was also surprised to hearhimsay it. “What about Luna? Graham?”

“They’re also one in a million, and you don’t come close to what they are.” Like that, he took the moment away. “But they’re their own people, and they would never have succeeded the way you have.”

“Do you think I’ve made the wrong choices?” I didn’t know where the question came from. Iknewmy decisions were the right ones, and I didn’t need anyone else to confirm that for me.

“For you or for me?” Cole asked. “Because I’d be miserable in your life, but you’re exactly where you’ve always wanted to be. Where you’re meant to be.”

I should take the observation for what it was and move on. “Then why does it feel like something’s missing?” Nope. Not where I needed this conversation to go.

“Why are you and Xander really not speaking?”

The fries arrived. Greasy. Salty. With way too much cheese. Perfect for giving me a minute to collect my thoughts. I shoved a bite in my mouth, and ignored that it scalded me on the way down.

When I finished the bite, Cole still hadn’t said anything.

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