Page 81 of Boss Level

By the end of the movie, though, she had curled up with her head on my leg and fallen asleep.

I couldn’t bring myself to wake her. This was peaceful, friendly, and made me miss what I had with Xander and Dom.

What I’d thought I had.

Because I’d assumed we had friendship and sex, and Xander was hiding more from me because…

If I entertained those thoughts I’d wonder if he was the only one lying to himself and love was weakness. Instead, I let the TV play its next suggested movie,Miracle on 34thStreet, and tried to lose myself in the sugary old sweetness.

I didn’t remember ever believing in Santa, but I used to believe in—

It didn’t matter, because I’d been wrong, and now I knew better.

Why did Xander have to do this? Why didn’t I see it coming? Why did it hurt so much?

Why did I want to make things right with him anyway, and tell him I loved him and he loved me and that he could never leave me again?

Why wasn’t I strong enough to ignore all of that?

28

dominic

The things Xander said to Judith didn’t come as a surprise to me—it was everything I’d assumed from what he’d said over the years—but I’d hoped if he said it out loud, if he heard the words himself, he’d realize he needed a shift in perspective.

But I understood where they were both coming from. I got why he felt that way and I knew exactly why Judith was furious.

They needed to talk, not clash and shatter the way they just had, but they also needed to admit how much in love they were.

Neither seemed likely.

The drive home with Xander was quiet, and the returned ring from Judith sat like a weight in my front shirt pocket. It wasn’t the heaviest thing weighing on me though—the silence was oppressive and my heart should’ve dropped through the floor of the car by now.

When we reached home, the moment we stepped into the house, Xander gripped my face between his hands and pressed his mouth to mine in a long kiss. The kind of searing lip lock that scorched my soul.

I loved the affection, the same way I always had, but—

“That’s not because of her.” Xander pressed his forehead to mine. Why did saying Judith’s name out loud make things worse, not better? “That’s because of us. Because the one good thing about tonight was shouting to that entire bar that I love you.Fuckthat felt good.”

He’d get no arguments from me. “It sounded incredible. I never should’ve asked you to wait so long. I should have… I’m going to make it right.”

“You already are.” The way he held me, the heat that flowed between us, was one of those bonds I didn’t think anything could break.

But that didn’t mean it was as strong as it could be. I would think that it sucked, feeling like something was missing, but it was a very specific someone and I couldn’t regret wanting her or knowing that he did too.

Silence stretched between us, and the tension running through Xander’s grip, the tightness that kept us locked together, faded into comfort.

I both hated to say what I was about to, and knew I had to. “Judith belongs in our lives too.”

“She is in our lives.” Xander’s tension was back, springing him upright, and seeming to make his body hum.

She may not be anymore. Not after tonight. Not if they couldn’t make things up to each other. “That’s not what I mean,” I said.

“Are you saying I’m wrong?” The challenge in Xander’s question was unmistakable.

And yes, that was absolutely what I was saying. Fortunately, I was better at argument than saying so outright. There were better ways to approach this that still let me tell him the truth without him shutting me out in the process. “Judith thinks you are.”

“And you?”

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