Page 37 of Devious Vows

Scrubbing my hand over my forehead, I groan.I really didn’t want company today.Another knock and my feet start moving toward the door. “Coming…”

Looking through the peephole, I sigh, resting my forehead against the door for a moment. Opening the door, I plaster on a smile. “Hi, Gavino.”

He holds up a little present for me, smiling. “Happy birthday.”

Doing my best to keep a pleasant attitude, I take it from him, opening the door wide enough so he can get past me. “Thank you.” I shut the door after him. “You know you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Shrugging, he walks to my living room as I follow, my fingers picking at the ribbon to untie it. “It’s nothing big. It just made me think of you when I saw it.”

Taking the lid off of the box I pull out a small gold chain necklace, a delicate diamond sunflower hanging in the middle. Holding it in the light, I smile at Gavino. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

He takes his hands from his pockets, moving closer to me. “I can help you put it on if you’d like?”

I pause as I’m putting it back into the box, holding it out to him instead. “Oh, yeah, that would be nice.”

Once he has it, I gather my hair up in my hands, holding it out of the way for him as he loops it around my neck.

“I heard about Sunday dinner.” His breath blows along the back of my neck, fingers lightly brushing my skin as he does the clasp.

I swallow, dropping my hair down as soon as I feel him pull back. I don’t respond, instead, I look down at the necklace, running the diamond sunflower between my fingers. My chest feels heavy with the topic.

Gavino comes to stand before me, his eyes on my necklace. “I mostly wanted to come by here and see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine,” I say a little too quickly, letting the necklace drop from my fingers. I force a smile. “Really, I’m fine.”

I move to step around him, toward the couch, and he stops me with a hand on my arm. “You don’t have to hide from me, Beverly. You know I’ve always been here for you. Even before you decided to start liking Remy.”

I bristle, pulling from him. “I didn’tdecideto like anyone, Gavino. That’s not how things work.” He lets me walk past him this time, following me. “I said I’m fine and I mean I’m fine. I really don’t want to talk about it, but thank you.”

He sits on the couch next to me and I watch him out of the corner of my eye, pretending to watch TV. “Do you love him?”

I’m so taken aback by his question that I just sit there with my mouth opening and closing for a moment, shaking my head. “I… why? Why are you asking? What is it to you, Gavino?” My heart bangs against my rib cage as I stand, tears burning the back of my throat.

This is absolutely not the conversation I was expecting to have today.

“Because I love you!” The breath gets stuck in my lungs, my lips parted as he stands, lightly grabbing my upper arms. The look on his face says he didn’t mean to say it, not initially. But then he repeats himself, his face near mine, “I love you, Beverly.”

No.

No, this can’t be happening right now.

“Gavino, I…” I just blink up at him, my heart nearly banging out of my ribs. “Fuck, I don’t know what to say.” I swallow back tears as he gazes down at me, the slight drop in his shoulders all but cracking my heart in two.

His hands drop as he moves to pull away, but I wrap my hands around one of his, holding him close. “You have always been one of my closest friends, Gavino. I cherish you and our friendship enough to be honest and say that Idolove you.” He swallows, blue eyes flicking between mine. “But I don’t love you like that. And I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I’m so sorry, Gavino.”

I’m not sure why I apologize, maybe because a small part of me feels like maybe I should love Gavino more. He’s been around since day one, well before Remy. So many of my memories involve him. If it’s possible to suffer from secondhand heartbreak, I’m positive that’s what is happening, because I’m on the verge of tears seeing the expression on Gavino’s face. I can’t help it when I lean into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, feeling that I need his comfort as much as he needs mine.

“It’s okay, Bev.” His hand strokes my back. “Don’t be sad about telling me the truth.” His breath blows the hair on the top of my head as he speaks, “I’ll always be here, just like I’ve always been. This changes nothing between us—” He pulls me back just enough to see his face. “I’m just happy to exist in your life.”

I’m just happy to exist in your life.

I smile even though I don’t feel it, a tear slipping to drip off my chin. I don’t believe he’s as fine with this as he’s pretending to be, but I’m too selfish in this moment to press the issue. So I just hug him again, hiding my silent tears in his shirt.

Gavino left around nine o’clock with a smile and a promise to message me when he got home. Any minute now I should get his text. There was an elephant in the room that we had addressed and then swiftly tried to cover back up with the rug without success. Grabbing some wine from the cabinet, I don’t even bother to pour a glass, popping the cork and chugging it right there in the kitchen. Setting the bottle down with a clink, I scrub my palms over my tired eyes.

I should just go to bed and call it a fucking day.

There’s another knock on my door and I just about sob.I can’t handle any more visitors.Shuffling to the door, I open it, surprised to see one of the Lucianos’ made men. “Beverly?”

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