Page 32 of Seventeen Years Ago

I shook my head. “Not even dating. This does not have to do with another woman. It has to do with us.”

“I didn’t know there was an us,” she replied.

I was fumbling with this and fucking it up. I don’t want her to get the impression I am asking for us to move forward. That wasn’t possible. Our past was always going to be a hindrance to any real happiness.

“Aiza, all you know of me is what I have let you know. But there is something that you have forgotten. Something I need to remind you about,” I said.

“If I forgot, then maybe it’s not important,” she replied.

“No. It’s very important. And I hope you can hear me out as I tell you what I have to say,” I asked.

“Then just say it, Steven. I don’t want to guess what it is,” she sighed.

Here it goes.

“Monday was not the first time you and I met. We crossed paths a long time ago. I never knew your name, nor did you know mine. But your eyes have borne a hole in my heart, and I’ve carried your pain and sadness with me for years.”

“When did we meet, Steven?” she asked softly. Her eyes were difficult to read. Was she puzzled? Nervous? Or maybe she didn’t believe me.

Could I be wrong? Is it possible that these beautiful eyes are not the same ones I looked into all those years ago?

I wished that was possible. That I hadn’t done that horrible thing to Aiza, but I’m so drawn to her. It couldn’t be anyone else.

“Seventeen years ago, in a rundown hotel in town.” I watched for her reaction. For a slap to my face. For yelling, screaming, crying, but nothing. She just looked up at me and waited.You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you? You want to hear me admit it all. As I should. “You were brought to my room. I was...cruel and had you undress. I was there to have sex with you, but when I looked at you, I couldn’t.”Say something! Anything!“I wouldn’t let you go until you made me a promise. I told you never to tell anyone the truth. That you must make sure everyone thought I’d taken your innocence even when I hadn’t. I told you that if you didn’t promise, my father would punish you and your entire family.”

Her expression didn’t change. She was like a statue, standing there, frozen.Like that night when you just stared up at me, not fighting, not pleading.If I heard this conversation, I'd be filled with rage. I couldn’t even begin to guess what was going through her mind at that moment.

I continued. “Aiza, you don’t have to hold it in any longer. What I did to you was wrong. You have the right to be angry and hate me,” I stated. “I’m not going to beg you to forgive me, I don’t deserve it. I’m here to tell you sorry, but I know that words are not enough. It’s nothing compared to what I have done.”

She still hadn’t reacted as I expected.Maybe she’s in shock?Could she have blacked out that part of her life and honestly not remember it? Even as she met me square in the eye, she didn’t flinch as she said, “You’re him. The man in the hotel.” I nodded and she continued. “Why were you there? Why did you come to Tabiq then?”

“To celebrate my eighteenth birthday. To mark the day and became a man.” All I had become was someone I didn’t like.

“And you said you couldn’t go through with it when you looked at me,” she said. I nodded. “Then why not just let me go? Why make me promise to lie to everyone?”

Because I was young and afraid of my father’s wrath. Afraid of what he’d do to us both if he knew.He was such a sick and cruel man that it there was no limit on how far he’d have gone to get what he wanted. A son he could be proud of. I was never that son and never really wanted to be. I was just young and wishing that my father would love me. He never did.

“Because I was too afraid to say the truth and face my father for not being able to...perform as he had directed me.”

“You couldn’t just let me go? How would he have known what happened? You didn’t live in Tabiq. You weren’t going to see me again. Instead, I’ve had to carry the truth around in me, buried so no one would ever be hurt by you or your father,” she stated. “I couldn’t move forward. There was no way I could live a normal life. How could I date and fall in love? How would I have explained that I was still a virgin when everyone else believed I was not?”

I hadn’t even thought of that. It wasn’t just a night that I stole from her, it was her life.Fuck. Just because I wasn’t yet man enough to stand up to him.

“There is a lot I wish I had done differently. But I can’t go back and fix it. I’m not even sure talking to you now is helping you any, but I just can’t go on another day without telling you the truth,” I admitted.

“Yet you lived with the lie for the past few days and only decided to tell me now. I thought your father was dead. What excuse do you have for not being honest with me the moment you realized who I was?” she demanded an answer.

“I...I have none. I was here on business. I hadn’t planned on seeing you. I wasn’t sure if having the truth out was the right thing or not. It was only going to open old wounds if we talked about what happened that night,” I stated.

“Or didn’t happen.” Aiza shook her head. “I kept the secret. I never told anyone, and I lived my life in shame for no reason.” Her tone changed, and I could feel the anger within her. “Do you know that my parents were killed that night trying to stop me from being taken from our home?”

“What?” I knew they had died but didn’t know it was because of me.

“Yes. The corrupt police came to my house, and dragged me out. I saw my parents fighting them and being beaten as they threw me in the back of the car. All I could think about was them as they drove me to the hotel where I was then given to you as though I wasn’t even human,” she said, her voice filled with disgust.

I’m sorry. I didn’t know.It was the truth. I had no idea what my father had done. That he’d paid money for a virgin. I only learned that afterwards.

“After you let me go, I went home but my parents weren’t there. No one ever saw them again. I had to pretend to be filled with shame while I had to mourn my parents.” The tears I had expected to see, now streamed down her cheeks.

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