Page 49 of Seventeen Years Ago

We made it.

“Beautiful isn’t it.”

I spun around to see Steven leaning against the wall. “You scared me to death.”

“Sorry. How did you sleep?” he asked.

What do you think? Like crap.

“Fine. How about you?” I asked.

“I didn’t sleep. I had a lot on my mind.”

“I’m sure. This storm has everyone concerned, but with it over, we can start working on whatever repairs need to take place,” I said, avoiding looking into his eyes. They were a downfall for me. I got lost in them and saw what I wanted, not what was real.

“It’s not the storm that I can’t stop thinking about. It’s you.”

Same here.“What about me?” I asked as though I didn’t care, when in fact, my heart was pounding with anticipation to learn what he had to say. “I have no idea what I did to keep you up. It’s not like I’m the one who lied.” It might have been just a game, but it’s why he lied that I still didn’t understand.

“No idea at all? How about the conversation you had with Allyson?” he asked.

I wracked my brain trying to recall what I said to her that would have this effect on him. Nothing came to mind. “Sorry. I’ve got nothing.”

“Really? Because Caydan sure enjoyed sharing it with me. And trust me, I wasn’t pleased about it,” he said firmly.

“Oh. I know. I didn’t think she’d mention it to her husband,” I replied. It made sense. They were married and probably shared everything.Wouldn’t know what it’s like. I only know how to keep secrets.It was obvious that he knew and just wanted me to fess up. I didn’t have an issue with that. “I...I may have mentioned that you’re gay. I didn’t know that it was a secret. Since Caydan is your friend, I thought...”

“Thought what?” he snapped.

“That you would’ve at least come out to him, even if you weren’t comfortable doing so with the rest of the world.”

“I donotneed to come out,” he said.

I felt bad for him. I couldn’t imagine what it was like living a lie.Oh wait. I do. I’d done it since I was eighteen. Lied for him. Maybe I shouldn’t care so much about what he was facing. But I did. I cared very much. In a soft tone, I said, “Steven, I know that it might be frowned upon in Tabiq, as so many other things, but you live in the United States. It’s accepted there, and...I accept who you are.”

Even though it means that you’ll never want me like I have come to want you.

“Aiza, stop saying that I’m gay. I’m not,” he said firmly.

“Of course you are. You told me,” I said. “Well, not those exact words, but you told me.”

“Care to tell me when I did such a thing? I think I would remember saying that. Especially since it’s not true,” he stated.

I couldn’t believe I must relive this all over again. Why couldn’t I put all these painful situations to rest?

“You were explaining why...you...let me go that night. Why you didn’t rape me.”Like what happens to all the other women who get stolen away from their families.

Steven stepped closer to me. I was nervous for the first time with him. Was he still angry with me for sharing his personal preference? I guess I would be too and I shouldn’t have said anything.

“I’m sorry, Aiza,” he said softly.

“No. I’m the one who is sorry. I had no right to tell anyone. I’m sure it was difficult enough for you to share it with me.” I reached out and grabbed hold of his hand and held it tight. “You don't ever have to pretend with me. I won’t judge you. Not after everything we have been through.”

Steven smiled. “You mean that, don’t you?” I nodded. “Why are you so damn...understanding? So...nice to me. I do not deserve it. Not at all,” he said.

“I don’t know why you say that? What makes you think you don’t deserve kindness? Because you’re gay?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I’m telling you the truth. I’m not gay. That’s not the reason why I didn’t touch you that night,” he said, stepping even closer. “I didn’t touch you because I’m not that kind of man. Not even when I was eighteen and horny as hell. I would never force myself on another person,” he explained.

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