Page 31 of Paradise Pride

“Where do I start? Just everything…” Meghan said. “What am I doing? What arewedoing? Who am I? Who was I? Who will I be? Why have I never tried this before? Am I bisexual? Or am I gay? And if I am, have I wasted the past two decades of my life? What will my friends think? My family? My colleagues? What about that family I always wanted? Will my future look different now? I don’t want to tell Kim yet, but if I can’t even tell my best friend, then how do I tell others?” She sighed. “Something along those lines.”

“That’s a lot.” Florence took her hand this time and squeezed it gently. “As I said, if you need time, we don’t have to do this.”

“No. I want to see you. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that I want to be with you, right here and right now.” Meghan squeezed back, then glanced around as if she was suddenly worried people were watching her. Letting go, she inched away and thanked the waiter, who brought her wine. “Anyway, there’s no point discussing my confusion. It will only confuse me more. How about we order food?”

31

Meghan

The sun had set, and by her second drink in, Meghan finally found the strength to bring up one of the questions that had been on her mind. They had talked and laughed over delicious tapas, and she’d made sure to steer away from serious topics, but she was ready now. Everything was easier in the dark, especially after some liquid courage.

“How did you feel when you realised you were bisexual?” she asked. “You made it sound so simple when we spoke the first night you stayed over. You talked about it as if it was merely a realisation, but aside from breaking up with your boyfriend at the time, surely, it couldn’t have been easy.”

Florence shook her head. “No, it wasn’t easy, and I never meant to imply that it was. I asked myself the same questions you’re asking yourself now because I needed to know who I was. But no matter how much I thought about it, I always ended up with the same counter question: Does it really matter? Does it matter if I’m straight or bi or gay? Will it impact on my happiness? I didn’t think it would, so I decided not to label myself and embrace every attraction I felt.” She shrugged. “And now, I don’t think about it at all. I’m attracted to a person and that’s that.”

“Again, you make it sound so simple.” Meghan gave her a small smile.

“It took me some time to get here, and it’s different for everyone. It’s natural to be confused.”

Meghan nodded. “Will you stay with me tonight?” She brushed Florence’s foot under the table.

“To help you figure things out?” Florence shot her a wink.

“Yes. I’ll definitely need more practice before I can make up my mind,” Meghan said playfully. “That’smyprocess. Different for everyone, right?” She felt more at ease now, and she’d almost lost her sense of self-consciousness. Almost. She still felt like people were looking at them, especially when Florence touched her, but she knew it was all in her head. Who cared if two women were on a date nowadays? She didn’t. Her family and friends didn’t; at least, she didn’t think so. Last night on the beach, she hadn’t cared if people saw her kissing a woman. She’d been in her own little world, swept away in the wondrous, life-changing moment, but her world was back to normal, and bigger today. It involved others, both strangers and people close to her. “Do you think I should tell someone?” she asked, her expression turning serious.

“Tell them what exactly?”

“I don’t know…” Meghan hesitated. “That I have a crush on a woman. And that I think I might be a little gay or something.”

“A little gay or something…” Florence smiled and reached under the table to stroke her thigh. “Yup,” she said when Meghan took in a quick breath at her caress. “Definitely a little gay.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be joking about this. I know it’s not easy for you.”

“It’s okay.” Meghan laughed and noted it didn’t take much for Florence to set her on fire.

“Anyway, to answer your question,” Florence continued, “I think you should do what feels right. If you want to talk about it with someone other than me, do so. If you don’t, keep it to yourself until you’ve got your thoughts and feelings in order.” She paused “However, for me, it was good to discuss it with friends because it made it real. My friends weren’t surprised, and they didn’t judge me, and talking to them helped me with the process.”

“Right.” Meghan thought of Kim and frowned. Kim wouldn’t be surprised if she’d told her she’d kissed Florence, but she’d certainly raise a brow if she admitted to her feelings.

“Either way,” Florence said, “I’ll be here for you, and you can call me anytime if you want to talk.”

“Thank you.” Meghan shot her a grateful glance. “You’re wise for a twenty-five-year-old.”

“Hey, don’t throw the age card on the table. I am who I am, and age has nothing to do with it.” Florence narrowed her eyes as she regarded her. “Is my age a problem to you?”

“No.” Meghan shrugged. “Well, you are almost ten years younger, but…”

“But it’s just a holiday fling, so it doesn’t matter?” Florence finished her sentence. She didn’t sound accusing, but Meghan could tell by her expression that it bothered her.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I—” Meghan stopped herself because she hadn’t thought about Florence in any other context than the here and now. “I don’t know if it would be a problem to me. I don’t know anything right now.” She leaned closer and lowered her voice. “How doyoufeel about us?”

“Complete honesty…” Florence picked up one of the last pardon peppers in the bowl, then dropped it back. “This feels right to me, so I would love more, and not just while you’re here. I’d like to explore where it could lead.” She cleared her throat. “But I’m also realistic, and I know you’re not ready for that. And yes, I’m a lot younger than you. Also, I’m just a simple bartender and you’re a casino boss. We’re at different stages in our lives.”

“I’m not a boss. I manage a small casino,” Meghan protested. “Work has nothing to do with this. I don’t care what you do for a living.”

“But age could be a dealbreaker?” Florence asked.

“I haven’t thought that far.”

Florence nodded. “That’s okay, I don’t expect you to have your thoughts in order. This is a lot. But I want you to know how I feel. I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

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