Sighin’, she steps closer, and hugs me around my midsection. “Just promise me Somethin’, Renegade.”
“Anythin’,” I say, kissin’ the top of her head.
“If anythin’ happens to me, anythin’, promise me you’ll take care of Savior.”
Pushin’ her back, I sit on the bed and yank her toward me, grabbin’ her face so she looks right in my face. “Nothin’ is gonna fuckin’ happen to you, Ray. I won’t let it.”
“I know,” she says quickly, “I know, and I trust you. I just need to hear you say it. Promise me that if anythin’ happens, you’ll take care of our daughter.”
Tears stin’ my eyes, not because she’s thinkin’ this way, but because she didn’t hesitate when she just referred to Savior as our daughter. Grabbin’ the side of her neck, I crash her lips to mine for a kiss that is hard and doesn’t last nearly long enough.
When I pull back, though, I nod. “I promise. I will always take care of her, no matter what, Raylynn.”
Chapter 24
Raylynn
Sitting around the clubhouse kitchen table with Lacey, Sandra, Rainie, and Pint, I sit with my head in my hands. Laid in the center of the table is the note given to Savior last night.
Your real daddy says hello, princess
And the note that was left for me in the mouth of the severed dog’s head.
I think she needs a sibling, my fuck toy
“This has to have something to do with Hammer,” Pint says quietly, causing me to lift my head and look at her.
“What makes you say that?” Lacey says, reaching over to take my hand in hers, squeezing gently.
Pint sighs deeply. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I pay attention. Hammer, Snakecake, and Kitty have been up each other’s asses since Renegade brought you back. That might be normal, but they’re trying to hide it, and that isn’t. They don’t think anyone notices them sneaking off to have whispered conversation in the halls and shit, but I notice.”
Every possible scenario runs through my head, the chatter from the girls muffled in my ears as I recall memories from my time with the Havoc Ryders, trying to remember something, anything, that can help Renegade figure this shit out.
“Ray,” Rainie says as she grabs my free hand, “stop rubbing that.”
Glancing down, I realize I’m rubbing the scars on my wrist from when I tried to kill myself three years ago. Shit. I hadn’t noticed I was even doing it. “Sorry.”
Rainie scoots her chair closer, pulling my hand from Lacey and holding it tightly in hers. “Let’s stop for a second. None of this matters. What really matters is where your head is at. Be honest with me, okay? Are you thinkin’ about hurting yourself again?”
Pulling my hands away from hers, I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the table, my one leg bouncing a million miles a minute.
“Raylynn?” Lacey’s voice is hard. “You’re not, right?”
The first tear falls, rolling down my face as I take a shaky breath, keeping my eyes on the table. “I can’t go through it again.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “If something happens and those fucking men take me again . . . I’ll end it before I’ll spend another second tied down while they take turns.”
“Raylynn,” Lacey snaps, “you can’t think like that! What about Savior?”
My eyes snap up to my best friends, the anger I’ve swallowed for three years bubbling just below the surface. “You had a month there, Lacey. I didsix. If I have to endure that again, there won’t be anything of me left to raise Savior. You have no fucking clue what it was like.”
“So? I know suicide isn’t how you handle something!”
“Oh, yeah?” I snide. “Well, how about we let the brothers blindfold you, tie you to a table, and fuck you until it feels like your insides are on fire. Let them slap and pinch every part of you, all while laughing and talking about how bad they can’t wait to make you come. How they know you secretly love it.”
“Raylynn, I—“
I slam my hand on the table. “And then, when they can’t make you come, the beat you as punishment. They burn and carve things into your skin, force drugs into your system to try to help them. Then, they fuck you again for hours, and they still don’t get what they want.” Tears fall from Lacey’s eyes a second before she turns her gaze down. “Go through that, then you tell me that death isn’t better.”
“That’s enough,” a deep voice behind me, making all of us jump and turn to face the door. Catacomb steps in, followed by Renegade, Archangel, Reaper, and Trickster. He steps up beside me, leans across the table, and picks up both the notes before standing tall again and gently putting his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go to my office and chat, huh?”