Page 49 of Dancin' with Demons

I stay standing as I watch Renegade and Savior head inside.

“This is the happiest I’ve ever seen him,” Reaper says as he stands, grabbing some kind of metal cover for the pit and placing it right over the flames. “It’s good to see him like that. He deserves it.”

Moving around the seating area, I grab the few bottles Renegade left and my coffee cup before heading inside with Reaper behind me. After putting everything in the trash, I turn to face him. “So do you, one day, when you’re ready again.”

His eyes widen, and it’s clear that isn’t what he expected me to say. His chest rises and falls slowly. “Maybe one day, but for now, the life I have is fine the way it is.”

“Thank you for everything, Reaper,” I say quietly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Raylynn,” he says, not moving as I turn and head through the house, turning out lights and checking the locks.

I’m sure one of the guys will double check everything, but it makes me feel better doing it, too. After making a full lap around the house, I quietly stop outside Savior’s new bedroom, peeking in to find her snuggled in the middle of a too large bed, mountains of pillows around her, more stuffed animals than one child needs, and instead of her blanket in her little hand, my chest hurts at the fact she’s clutching the flannel Renegade wore outside with her today. Sighing, I turn down the hall toward Renegade’s room. Well, our room now, I guess. The hallway is lit by the thing strip of light coming from our near closed door.

I don’t know why, but I try not to make any noise as I approach and gently push the door open. My heart stutters and my breath catches at the closest thing to god-like laying in the bed, sweatpants, no shirt, hair down, with a damn book in his hands. The only thing he’s missing is glasses and he he’ll go from the badass biker to the hottest college professor that’s ever lived. Stepping into the room, I try to close the door without disturbing him, but the moment it clicks shut, he looks up and grins.

“What are you doin’, little love?”

“Watching you read,” I say quietly, making my way to the closet where he’s hung our clothes. Pulling one of his t-shirts out, I head to the bathroom.

“Hey,” he says quickly, stopping me before I get to the door, “change out here.”

My cheeks heat, even though I know that’s stupid. I’ve had sex with him, changing in front of him shouldn’t be strange or embarrassing. “Why?”

“I like watchin’ you, too, you know,” he says, his voicing dipping into that husky tone that sends shivers down my spine. Biting my bottom lip, I stop on my side of the bed and lay the shirt down. After taking off my shoes and setting the next to the nightstand, I push my leggings off and pull my shirt over my head. “Would you be uncomfortable if I asked you to sleep without anything on?”

My hand stops just short of picking the shirt up off the bed while I think about his question. “Not if you answer something for me, truthfully.”

That makes Renegade sit up. “I’ve always been truthful with you, Raylynn.”

“I don’t want you to try and spare my feelings. That’s all I mean.” He stares at my face for a minute before nodding. “Were you holding back when we had sex the other night?”

Renegade’s eyes widen immediately, and part of me wants to look away because the shock in his expression is an answer within itself, but I don’t. If we’re going to be together, especially given what I went through, we have to be open about sex and intimacy, and everything that revolves around those things.

“Yes,” he says softly, “and before you ask me why, I think the answer to that is obvious, little love. I remember what you looked like when I pulled you off that table, the things Rainie said after she examined you. I won’t ever risk triggerin’ you in our bed, not in a moment like that.”

Crawling into the bed in just my bra and panties, I sit next to him and take his free hand in mine. Renegade looks worried as he sets his book down on the bed between us and sits up a little more. “I don’t have a clue what you like in the bedroom, and honestly, I can’t remember what I liked before everything happened. I do know that I don’t want you to pretend in this bed. I want you to be able to do what turns you on, what you like, and if we can’t find that balance in private, if we can’t get past all the bullshit of my past and your worries, how the hell are either of us ever going to be okay for you to claim me in front of a room full of people?”

Renegade shakes his head a little, his eyes searching my face. “What brought all this on, hon? The other night was, fuck, amazing. I have zero fuckin’ complaints.”

“Me either,” I say quickly, shifting his hand in mine so I can run my fingers along his palm, “but I want to give you all of me, and I want the same in return.”

He swallows hard and sighs. “And if something I try sets you off? That’s gonna kill me more than just not doin’ it in the first place.”

Taking a deep breath, I push onto my knees and hold my breath as I straddle Renegade, forcing him to roll fully onto his back. He puts his hands on the bed and sits up so that we’re nose-to-nose, bringing them up to run through my hair just above my ears.

“If I never try things again, if I spend the rest of my life too scared of everything when it comes to the man I’m in love with, then the Havoc Ryders have won regardless.”

Renegade licks his lips with a breath that slowly makes his chest move up and back down. “If anythin’ bothers you—”

“I’ll tell you immediately,” I finish, bringing my hands to rest on his chest.

“Fuck, woman,” he breathes before sliding one of his hands to cradle the back of my head and bring my lips to his. When he pulls back, he doesn’t take his eyes off mine. “I think I know what we can try. If you can trust me through it, everythin’ else runnin’ through my head might not be so bad.”

I nod, trying not to show the ball of anxiety that’s punch me in the gut. Renegade leans over and opens the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a solid black bandanna. He folds it until the material is roughly an inch and a half or so wide— enough to cover my eyes, which dart from the bandanna to his face and back several times. “You want to blindfold me?”

“Raylynn, you can say no and it’s completely okay,” he says gently. I’m afraid if I talk, my voice will break and show him the panic simmering just below me surface, so instead I just nod. “That isn’t gonna work for me, little love. If we’re gonna try anythin’, I need to hear you agree, otherwise, that ain’t consent in my book. Are you comfortable lettin’ me blindfold you?”

Swallowing hard, I let out a long, slow breath. “Yes.”

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