Page 23 of Dancin' with Demons

“Renegade, what does that mean?”

I’m surprised when he sighs and runs his hand down his face. “Don’t worry about that, little love. That’s a discussion we can have later. What time do I need to set an alarm for?”

Shaking my head, I want to push the issue, but something in my gut tells me not to, at least not just yet. “Well, I have to be there by six and need to drop Savior at Miss Irene’s before that.”

“What for?” Renegade says as he steps up next to his side of the bed and gestures for me to join him.

“To babysit, duh. I’ve told you more than once that Miss Irene watches her when I work.” Stopping next to him, I glance at the bed and realize that next to a pair of his sweats, he laid out one of his t-shirts. Taking a deep breath, I grab the shirt and walk around to my side of the bed. I want to get past all the issues and quirks my past has saddled me with, I do, and I already know that if anyone is going to make me feel like I can do that, it’s Renegade. However, I still have boundaries.

His hand hovers over his sweats as he stops to watch me. Tossing the shirt on the bed, I try to pretend like I’m alone. As if Renegade isn’t real. As I unbutton my pants and push them down, I can’t help but remember what he and Catacomb said earlier tonight about the whole claiming thing. As I pull my shirt over my head, Renegade sucks in a loud breath, and I don’t need to look at him to know his eyes are roaming over the scars left by my time with the Havoc Ryders. Most days, I ignore that I have them. They aren’t the worst marks, but they’re enough that I’ve never worn anything that shows above my elbows, and I avoid shorts at all costs. Bathing suits are out of the question.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, “you know that?”

Finally, I bring my eyes to his, and my breath catches. Renegade is bare-chested, wearing low-hung sweats, and the fire that explodes in my stomach and sends heat through the rest of my body is new and overwhelming. With shaking hands, I pick up his t-shirt and slide it on before grabbing the top of the covers and pulling them halfway down the bed. “You’re a good liar, you know that?”

“I’ve never lied to you, Raylynn,” he says sternly as he climbs in on his side of the bed, “and I never will. I won’t be able to tell you everythin’, at least not when it comes to club business, but I’ll never lie to you.” He sits on his side of the bed and pats next to him. “If you’re okay with it, I’d like to watch Savior while you’re at work tomorrow instead of her goin’ to Miss Irene’s.”

Carefully, I climb into bed next to him and mimic the way he’s sitting, with my back against the headboard. “Why would you want to? Don’t get offended, but you don’t really strike me as the type that wants kids. I mean, you’re sweet and good with her, but I didn’t peg you for the family type. Not even when I first met you.”

Renegade slides down to lay on his pillows and makes me jump when he grabs me and pulls me against him, tucking his arm tightly around me so that I have to lay my head on his chest. Gently, I lay my arm across his chest and take a steadying breath. “Well, I guess that’s part of this whole gettin’ to know each other better. I’m the oldest of five kids, Raylynn. Raised in Hawai’i by a single mother, so believe it or not, I love kids. And yes, I want a family. Always have, just made sure I didn’t have one until I found the right person. Which is why I don’t have a bunch of kids with different women. I want the family I never had. Parents that are together and love each other, and a home that my kids can grow up in that’s happy.”

“Why weren’t your parents together,” I ask quietly.

“My mother met my father when he was stationed in Hawai’i. For the first five years, he lived on base, and we lived in my mother’s village. He’d come visit once or twice a week, usually at night. Durin’ that time, they had me, my brother, and my sister. The three of us rarely saw him for more than a few minutes before we were sent to bed. When I was six, he was sent to a different base in the States. Didn’t see him for two years, then he shows up and stays one night before havin’ to leave again. My mother said that he was makin’ arrangements for us to join him, that he said they were finally gonna get married, and we’d be a proper family. Two monthslater, she found out she was pregnant with my next sister. Another two years went by before he showed up again. I was eleven bythen and had been helpin’ my mother take care of my siblin’s for years already. It was the same as before. One night, he gave her and us the same promises, then he was gone.

I run my nails gently across Renegade’s chest, back and forth, as I snuggle my body tighter against his. “I’m so sorry.”

He takes a heavy breath and tightens his arm around me. “Eh, it’s whatever at this point. We saw him once when I was seventeen. He was vacationin’ in Hawai’i with his wife and three kids. One of ‘em was only a few years younger than me, and I realized he’d used my mother all that time. To him, she was just some exotic piece of ass. To her credit, she didn’t make a scene that day. When he introduced us to his wife as hisold friends, my mother just smiled and wished him the best. She realized everythin’ then, too. And she hasn’t spoken of him since.”

Turning my head, I press a soft kiss to this man’s chest, and the moment my lips touch his skin, he sucks in a breath, and his arm tightens around me again. Tilting my head back, Renegade brings his lips down to mine. For a few minutes, he’s soft and slow, but the moment I moan, something switches in the air. Before I can stop it or second guess it, Renegade pulls me over him, and his erection presses into my core through his sweats as he sits up and wraps his arms around me. My hands end up in his hair, and my head falls back with another moan as he kisses and licks down my neck while his hands roam over my back and ass.

It isn’t until he rocks his hips, grinding his erection against my clit that the sheer pleasure shocks me back to reality, and I put the brakes on everything. “Wait, Renegade, stop.”

The moment that the last word is out of my mouth, he literally halts everything. We’re both breathing heavily, and he leans back to look me in the face, gently holding either side of my head in his hands. “My bad, little love. I’ve dreamed about havin’ you just like this and got a little carried away.”

I kiss him softly and swallow the lump in my throat. “I want you, Renegade, more than I ever have anyone.”

Renegade gently moves me from straddling him to situating us like we were before, with his arm around me and my body tucked against his. “I can tell, baby. And when you’re really ready, you’ll have me. Until then, this is enough.”

“What has been going on for the last three years,” I ask quietly, knowing that while I didn’t push it when we first came in here, I need to know before whatever this is goes any further. “And don’t tell me we’ll talk about it later or give me excuses. I need to know exactly what all the cryptic comments from Catacomb and Sandra mean.”

He sighs loudly. “After you ran, I looked for you for months. Geek Squad couldn’t find anythin’ solid, but I followed every lead no matter how unlikely it was. After six months, when I realized we weren’t gonna find you, I started drinkin’. Then I kept drinkin’ for the last two and a half years. Got arrested a lot, did shit I ain’t proud of.”

“Like?”

He turns his head to look down at me. “Fought, which is most of the arrests. Had clubwhores suckin’ my dick left and right. Hell, Ray, I was doin’ anything I could to try and numb the fuckin’ hole I had from you leavin’ like that. Didn’t work, though. I couldn’t even get off unless I closed my eyes and thought about you— and drinkin’ didn’t numb a thing. Just made me a bitter, angry dick to everyone. That’s why we’re here. Catacomb brought me out here to get me off the bottle and back in the right mindset.” Pushing onto my elbow, I slap him in the chest hard. “Ouch, woman! What the hell is that for?”

Glaring at him, I slap his chest again. “What is that for? Oh, I don’t know, maybe going off the rails like an idiot for three years. Christ, Renegade. I needed to figure shit out. I didn’t leave because of you. I left tospareyou. I wanted to die. My head was a fucking bottomless pit of pain and despair. If I had stayed, I’d have done whatever you wanted, but it wouldn’t have been for myself. It’d have been for you. I was already lost, and at the time, getting lost in you wasn’t going to fix me. I needed to fix myself. I always planned to come back and at least thank you one day, but then Savior happened, andshebecame the most important thing. I’m sorry for leaving like I did, and I wish I could’ve explained better, but you can’t let your life go to shit because of me. Not ever again, Renegade.”

He grabs the side of my neck and pulls me to him, kissing me hard. “I won’t have to worry about it because I refuse to let you go this time, little love. I won’t lose you again.” Renegade actually chuckles as he brings me to lie back down next to him and reaches over to turn the lights off. “I think I like it when you’re feisty, Raylynn. Now, sleep. You have work tomorrow, and I have a day with the little one.”

Sighing as he pulls the comforter up over us, I snuggle into him, exhaustion hitting me like a wave while my brain still tries to process everything that’s happened today and all the stuff I’ve learned. That’s how I fall asleep— my head on his chest, arms around each other, and a million new questions swimming in my head.

# # #

Opening my eyes, sunlight barely brightens the room. A breeze blows through the house, and an echo of the waves of the ocean flows through the bedroom. Rolling over, I stretch my hand out to find the other side of the bed empty and cold. Sitting up, I stretch and glance at the clock. The alarm isn’t supposed to go off for another thirty minutes. Pushing the covers off, I look around the room for a moment and realize, for the first time in years, I’m not tired. I slept like a rock last night— with no nightmares.

Sliding out of bed, I quietly make my way to the hall, and soft laughter comes from the kitchen. As I get to the doorway, I lean over to peek around the corner. Savior is standing in front of the stove with a spatula in her hand. Renegade is next to her with a bowl and ladle. She bends her knees, bouncing excitedly as he pours batter into the frying pan in front of her.

---