Page 65 of Beautifully Scarred

Chapter Twenty-nine

JIMMY

It’s been a month since Lilah went to Desert Vista—the longest thirty days of my life.

Every time my phone rang, or a text came through, my stomach dropped, anticipating someone notifying me Lilah had bailed on rehab. But she is still here. That has to be a good sign.

Today is the first day she’s allowed visitors, so I’m here.

My palms are sweaty, and my heart is racing. Will she be different? I’m so used to seeing her half-fucked on pills or alcohol that I hardly remember what she’s like sober. Maybe she’ll refuse to see me? Maybe she’ll hate me now for what I did.

Those thoughts kept me up all night in that dingy hotel room. A decade ago, it would have felt like the Ritz. I’ll blame the bags under my eyes on the lumpy bed and pillows, but truth is, I’m terrified we won’t be the same Jimmy and Lilah.

I walk through the doors of a rehab facility that specializes in helping addicts who have a history of childhood trauma. I did research before deciding on where to send her. If she was gonna have any shot at success, it had to be a place best suited to her needs.

It’s disguised as an oversized contemporary dwelling in the middle of the Utah desert, but the inside is spacious and decorated with ivory, beige, greens, and blues. It has a rustic Sahara vibe. Calming music pipes throughout, soft enough that it’s not intrusive.

I step up to the woman behind the desk. “Hi, I’m here to see Lilah Robbie.”

“You must be Jimmy.” She extends her hand, a big smile on her face.

“I am.” I shake her hand.

“Lilah’s looking forward to seeing you.”

I smile and nod, not familiar with people calling me Jimmy, not James. They’re so different from one another.

“She’s waiting for you in the reading room. Straight down the hall, and it’s the last room on the right.”

“Great, thanks.” I start to head down the hall but turn back to her. “Is there anything I should or shouldn’t say today? I don’t want to set her back or anything.”

She tilts her head, and a soft smile forms across her lips. “You can say anything you want. Part of these visits is allowing the real world to intrude a bit. She needs to learn how to deal with her emotions in a productive way and interacting with the people she’s hurt in the past is part of that. We’ll be here after you leave to help do that.”

I nod then make my way to the library. All I wanted to know was if it’s okay to ask about her treatment and therapy or if I’m supposed to ignore the pink elephant in the room?

My footsteps echo as I walk over the hard tiles. I pass a dining room, where people sit around the table and play a board game, but other than that, I see no one.

Sweat breaks out on my temples as I reach the end of the hallway. I inhale a deep breath and prepare to see Lilah. I’ll admit it’s been nice this past month to know she’s safe every night when I go to bed. The worst part of her addiction was the questions that plagued me when she wasn’t around. Where she was, who she was with, did she need me?

Now new questions set me on edge. Will she be pissed that I sent her here? Will she blame me for setting her on this road in the first place?

I push a hand through my hair, draw my shoulders back, and step into the library.

She sits on a chaise lounge with her back to me, facing a large window that looks out over the burnt-orange rock formations jutting up on the horizon. The room is lined with white bookcases full of books of varying colors and sizes.

I’m mesmerized. Only a few steps away from her. A soft, contented sigh escapes my lips, making her turn toward me.

My chest clenches when I see her face. Our eyes lock and my stomach knots until she smiles. It’s small and tentative at first, but it grows the longer we soak one another in. Tears fill my eyes. She’s as beautiful as always. Her face rounder, her body healthier, her skin tone rosy. I haven’t seen her like this since… well, ever.

She walks quickly toward me, and I anticipate her running into my arms. But she slows and stops in front of me, her hands clasped, and looks at her feet.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey.” She glances at me and I can’t get enough of her healthy glow.

I told myself to let her lead today.Don’t suffocate her. But I can’t hold myself back—I pull her into a hug. “C’mere.”

Lilah expels a big breath of air and wraps her arms around me, squeezing tightly. “I missed you.”

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