Page 109 of In Control

Is that what I do? I’ve always tried to be tough, clever, to be more than people expect of me. When my dad left, I was the rock that my mum leaned on because I never falter, I never crack, even when that frigging psychopath had me locked in his house, I didn’t break.

But it’s exhausting. So exhausting. And I’m tired. So tired.

A tear slides from the corner of my eye and runs down my nose.

I think of Gabe and the pack and everything that was allowed to fester after his attack. I think about my dad’s disappearance and the unspoken pain he left behind.

I think about how much I want to be held and protected and looked after. I think about how I want someone to be strong for me.

I guess Rosie might be right.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Leave it to me, sweetie. I’ll talk to Zane and find someone you can speak to.”

“Thank you.”

“But you know, you can start now.”

I let out a huff of strained air. “I know I’m going to need to, but I’ve gone over the events of the last 24 hours so many times today already.”

“Then tell me about this pack.” Rosie smiles. “I liked them. Even the arsehole.”

“He took a knife to his gut for me. I think we can forgive him. And,” a laugh breaks free of my chest, “I like them too.”

“And they want you to join their pack?” Her smile grows wider.

“But I’m a beta, Rose! I can’t join a pack!”

“So, you want to join?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“So you don’t want to join?” She frowns.

I flop onto my back. My life is a chaotic mess. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I finish my PhD. I don’t know who I’m meant to be. But one thing I know, I feel more myself when I’m with those men than at any other time.

I sigh dramatically. “I think I’m in love.”

“Oh my God!” Rosie nudges me in the ribs. “I’ve never ever heard you say that before, Soph. You’ve liked guys and girls. You’ve been pretty wrapped up in them. But you’ve never used the L word.”

“Am I mad?” I ask, swinging my head to look at her and read her truthful expression.

“Probably,” Rosie pinches me, “but love is maddening.”

* * *

I sleeplike a log with Rosie beside me the entire night and when I wake up I have a message from Gabe saying Esra has been discharged from the hospital and they’ve taken him home.

I take a taxi straight there, not even bothering to put on fresh makeup or do my hair. My conversation with Rosie has been buzzing around my head and my gut is full of uneasy butterflies I need to put to rest.

Liam opens the door in grey sweatpants and a soft-looking t-shirt. His face lights up when he sees it’s me.

“Sophia,” he says, taking my hand immediately and leading me though to the sitting room where the others are laid out on sofas watching cricket or rugby or some such nonsense. Spotting the remote, I switch off the TV and stand before them.

“Sophia!” Gabe yelps, beginning to jump to his feet. I signal to him to halt and Liam drops down next to him.

I take a deep breath. I’m not someone who usually gets nervous. Want me to stand up and deliver a presentation? No problem. Want me to argue in a debate? Easy. Want me to go and make small talk with a stranger, maybe even seduce them? Simple.

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