Page 53 of Unforgivable Sins

My blood is bright and vivid even in the dying light of day. It looks alive and flows from my veins rapidly and freely. It’s a lie because no part of me is alive. I take the glass in my other hand, holding it seems more difficult, but I manage to cut, almost as deeply, into my right wrist.

I glance up at the sidewalk only a few feet away from where I sit, bleeding out. Much like that night, I have the same feeling of being invisible. People pass by but no one sees me. No one ever sees me, and just like my childhood, no one wants me.

I lay my hands gently at my sides and watch as my blood puddles on the ground, another blood stain that will just fade in time, until absolutely nothing and no memory of me remains. Not even in this spot.

Where I die.

Cold and alone.

Forgotten.

Dee

Broken by Seether, Amy Lee

I slowly start to surface from a deep, dreamless sleep. It’s the first time I’ve slept without some kind of nightmare or memory haunting me, and yet, I still feel exhausted. I feel like I could happily stay in this bed for another week. This bed. My mind starts to wake up as my surroundings start to take shape. This bed is way too comfortable to be mine, and these sheets are definitely way too soft and luxurious, but what has my mind jerking awake is the body surrounding mine.

My heart starts to race as I realize I’m enfolded in hard unforgiving muscle, warmth, and the smell of leather. The heavy arm that’s draped around my waist is gripping me tightly, but not uncomfortably. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes steadily behind me. My body is suddenly flushed with heat and I’m nervous and excited and fucking confused as all hell at this situation. But before I can ruin it, and before he changes his mind about what he’s doing, I close my eyes and relish in the feel of him holding me. I feel protected and safe. I feel comfortable and, the way he’s holding me so hard against him, with absolutely zero space between our bodies, I feel…hopeful.

Then I feel the twitch and stirring of his massive dick against my ass and I can’t help the intake of breath that breaks the silence of the room.

“You’re safe, Wendee.” His deep voice comes out lazily and gravely, unlike I’ve ever heard it before. It feels real. Like he’s not masking his voice to be a cold weapon, he’s just allowing it to…be.

I’m not sure if he misunderstood the reason for my breath hitching but it certainly had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with his body pressed against mine. But as his choice of words sink in,you’re safe, the damn is broken, and last night’s memories come rushing in.

The Crocodile, the drink Tink gave me and that nasty gleam in her eye as I drank it down, Sinn finding me on the floor of the elevator, everything that happened to me a year ago, and the events that lead up to eleven days ago. This time, I DO remember everything. Every little detail ofthatnight.

My breath hitches for an entirely different reason now. “I’m here, Wendee. You’re safe and you’re going to be ok. I’ve got you.”

“Sinn,” I whisper his name like a prayer as the tears flood down my eyes and I’m left sobbing in his arms. Again.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but he pulls me in tighter, all signs of his earlier excitement are gone as he comforts me with his unspoken promise of protection. And I don’t know what makes me cry more, all of the new information and truth flying around my mind, or the fact thathe’shere, holding me and comforting me. The cold, dangerous, and untouchable man, is HOLDING me.

And I have so many questions.

I take a few minutes to let my tears run their course before I reel my emotions in. I’ve cried enough and I’m sure I’ll cry even more, but right now I need to get my head straight. I need answers. Especially the most important one. The one that’s haunted me for a year. The one I never understood.

I turn in his hold and he loosens his arm from around my waist, pulling away from me. I grab his arm and feel the tension ripple through his muscles immediately.

“Please, stay,” I say, as I come face to face with him.

His jaw clenches but he rests his arm over my waist again only this time he’s not holding me like a vice grip. I move my upper body a bit further away from him, creating some space so I can see his face more clearly and cradle my arms against my chest. I know that being this close to me, in a way that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with feelings, is hard for him. Even though I just spent the night in his arms, I don’t want to push him, so I keep my hands to myself and allow him to hold me on his terms. I may not be able to touch him freely yet but I do need answers.

“Why didn’t you come back?” I watch his clear blue eyes grow stormy. He’s looking at me, but I imagine he’s remembering that night just as much as I am right now.

“I couldn’t.” His voice is hard, clipped. The earlier softness is gone.

“Why?”

“I’ve been stuck here ever since that night.”

“Here?” My thoughts get pulled to even more questions and look down to my wrists and the puffy pink scars running vertically down my wrists. “You knew. You saw my scars…and, you knew.” I remember him laying a gentle kiss to my wrists when he washed me. He could always see the scars, unlike me. “You knew all along, didn’t you?” I ask, as the tears well up in my eyes again.

“Yes,” he says, softly.

“Where exactly is here? Is this…Hell?” I ask, hesitantly.

“No, Wendee, this isn’t Hell and I’m not the devil.”

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